Michael Trapido
Michael Trapido

Kim Kardashian shoots a bolt, names a kid

What can one say about Kim Kardashian that hasn’t already been said about piles?

I mean if regard is had to the endless self-created spin, which appears to fascinate the media and irritate the punters, then perhaps irritable bowel syndrome might have made for the better comparison.

Enter the baby.

Granted Kanye West and Kim deserve all the congratulations, mazeltovs and whatever else people wish the parents on these joyous occasions but having said that aren’t we entitled to know the identity of the geniuses and wenners who made up the baby-naming paneel?

Step forward the dogs who named this kid North West (the name says F all).

Of course it has become trendy for movie and rock stars to give their children ridiculous names.

In order to assist you US website Cracked.Com sites the 20 most bizarre baby names by celebrities :

20 : Kal-El
Child Of: Nicolas Cage

19 : Pilot Inspektor
Child Of: Jason Lee

18 : Fifi Trixibelle
Child Of: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

17 : Apple
Child Of: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris “You Know How I Know You’re Gay? You Like Coldplay” Martin

16 : Coco
Child Of: Courteney Cox and David Arquette

15 : Kyd
Child Of: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

14 : Sage Moonblood
Son Of: Sylvester Stallone

13 : Destry
Child Of: Steven Spielberg

12 : Maddox
Adopted child Of: Angelina Jolie (and Brad Pitt)

11 : Memphis Eve
Child Of: Bono

10 : Ocean
Child Of: Forest Whitaker

9 : Prince Michael II/Blanket
Child Of: Michael Jackson

8 : Rocket Rodriguez
Child Of: Robert Rodriguez

7 : Blue Angel
Child Of: The Edge (From U2)

6 : Audio Science
Child Of: Actress Shannyn Sossamon

4 & 5 : Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin
Children Of: Frank Zappa

3 : Moxie Crimefighter
Child Of: Penn Jillette

2 : Tu Morrow
Child Of: Rob Morrow (from the TV show Numb3rs)

1 : Jermajesty
Child Of: Jermaine Jackson

Of course faced with these wenners the paneel that was charged with naming baby West/Kardashian was at a loss.

How the frock do you beat Pilot Inspektor, Audio Science or Moxie Crimefighter ie come up with a name so ridiculous that it dwarfs those and Apple combined.

Not easy.

Herewith the Formula they employed which you can use when naming your next child.

FORMULA 1 (nothing to do with motor racing)

Borrow a friend’s car (make is irrelevant).

Cut enough hose pipe to reach from your exhaust to your passenger window.

Ensure that only carbon monoxide is getting in.

Start trying to come up with names.

If they are David, Alan and Paul you haven’t been in the car long enough.

Try setting fire to the back seat because this might speed up the process.

If after many hours you’re still thinking of names like Natasha, Alexandra and Brittney you might have a leak.

The best bet is to allow one of the paneel out of the car. He siphons ten or so litres of petrol from his car and pours it over the vehicle.

If the adjudicators (non paneel members outside the car) can still hear anything coherent stop the process before someone gets hurt.

Don’t fret because you too are still going to get a trendy name for your baby.

All you have to do is ensure that all members of the paneel have a full frontal lobotomy and repeat the steps above.

Please don’t write in to thank me.

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  • 3 Responses to “Kim Kardashian shoots a bolt, names a kid”

    1. Stephen Browne #

      North to start a fashion label called North, will be known as North by North West.

      *runs like **** from the pun police*

      July 2, 2013 at 1:11 pm
    2. Touched #

      No 16 – Coco – as in Coco Chanel – yes definitely a crap name. The world’s most beautiful and stylish fashion icon. You’re an idiot.

      Especially as you forgot Beyonce and Jay Z daughter – Blue Ivy. A lot more stupid than Coco.

      While I don’t condone ridiculous names, Michael is as common as you can get when it comes to names #justsaying

      July 3, 2013 at 3:02 pm
    3. Rod MacKenzie
      Rod MacKenzie #

      In China Coco and Apple are common names for girls. Apple is just a translation of the Chinese name, Ping. For example I recently did a review of Ping Fu’s memoir here on Thought Leader,
      Coco is not a bizarre name, nor Apple. But most of the rest are weird.
      Jay Z’s daughter is Blue Ivy? I think that’s sweet.

      I have always thought that if I owned bulldogs I would name them after politicians, Churchill and Thatcher sound like great names for bulldogs. Woof.

      July 4, 2013 at 7:41 am

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