Mo Shaik : shall mean the manifestation of fever symptoms every time you hear that the Spy Boss is on your trail eg “I’m being investigated that’s why I have Mo’ Shaiks” NB You don’t get Mo’ Shaiks from high blood pressure, that’s a misconception. Your appearance might become dirtier hence they speak of Shabbier Shaiks. Don’t be alarmed because Shabbier Shaiks is not terminal.
Selebi : shall mean the act of bringing tissues to a trial.
Agliotti : shall mean the act of bringing a tissue of lies to a trial.
Terre’Blanche : shall mean the act of constantly making a comeback. Like falling off your horse you have to keep getting back on. Apparently he has Mo’ Shaiks but that could be from falling off his horse. First names “Eugène Ney” (I shit you not) which could be equestrian related but nobodies had the courage to ask him. Did I mention that he fell off his horse?
Nutty Mthethwa : shall mean the act of staying at five-star hotels without knowing how much they cost. It’s almost like bilking because you don’t pay after your stay but differs because we land up paying for your stay. Mind you it’s very difficult to avoid — one method suggested by scientists at MIT was to pick up the phone in your room and ask … but that’s incredibly complicated if you aren’t sure how to use the phone. Best stick to the mini bar, far safer.
Nzimande : The act of preaching communism while exhibiting capitalism in your lifestyle such as driving a top-of-the-range BMW. No Skoda for you then. Example : I went to gamble at Montecasino but afterwards I was nearly arrested for Mthethwaing the bill. Good thing I had my Nzimande parked around the corner. The cops chased me half way home. I had Mo’ Shaiks than I care to remember. Thought I’d land up doing a Selebi and then an Agliotti.
Malema : shall mean dilemma but used in a political context. You could say that Nedbank have a huge fucking Malema about now. Do they wait for the mines to be nationalised, the bank to be overrun or after they have transferred their skills before pouring out of the country headed for Perth? They suggested a solution to their Malema but I couldn’t find it in an English dictionary.
Vavi : The act of inverting the meaning of your speech. Example — “Die for Zuma” turns out to be dying to swamp the president with horrendous strikes, side swipes at elected ministers and generally making the life of the government intolerable.
Zille : shall mean the act of becoming the Botox of everyone’s jokes while trying to win the 94.7 poker face competition. Example : I tried to smile but there wasn’t a muscle in my face that was working.
Mugabe : shall mean political Alzheimer’s. An excerpt from his speeches over the last couple of weeks demonstrates it in action. “Those Western mothers are responsible for the terrible damage to the Zimbabwean economy … I need Gono further … where was I? Oh yes and Zimbabwe is ready to restart its relations with the Western powers … it’s Wednesday … ” This has left Tsvangirai with a right Malema I can tell you. He wants to laugh every time the old man speaks but battles to keep a straight face. We have suggested a full facial Zille but for some reason he got the needle.
Dont give up your day job , mate.
Then, the term ‘Traps’ shall mean that a person is increasingly lacking valuable ideas to contribute to the greater Thought Leader Society. Just short of being bored.
Yawn…zzZZZ
Thanks for this simple guide to understanding current events in SA at the moment. Normally I would hate to repeat something Malema said but I found it very entertaining. While giving a speech last week he called for the rejection of Terblanche and his attempt at revival saying “even his horse had r-ejected” (hyphen is mine) him.
What I find absolutely astounding is that I have not read nor heard anything of Chippy recently, given his disappearance to Mocambique, then his appearance in Aussie I think it was, seemed a bit strange at the time. Who knows why and what he ran from? Well with boetie and President Zuma up there I am sure it was all a big misunderstanding, and I am sure these two will take the necessary steps for him to be suitably rewarded in the new dispensation soon.
Vintage, Traps! Love it when you write like this. You have a gift for satire.
Not fair! I snorted my coffee through my nostrils at “Mo Shaiks”. You on a roll, Traps! One of your best.
Very good, thanks for the chuckle…add to that the
Mabuyakhulu: The act of driving to the ends of the earth every month to prove that you are in fact a tourism MEC…
KwaZulu-Natal economic development and tourism MEC Mike Mabuyakhulu received an average of R100 000 a month for using his private car for government work.
Mabuyakhulu submitted a bill of R383 618.07 in four months from May to August this year for using his Range Rover.
Is it a “M(ilk) Shaik” when you milk the system for all its worth?
Or is that a “Modus Vavi-endi”?
Izzit?
Haha, good one Traps!
OK, Traps. Was the jibe about Agliotti related to the possible interest that you have in the Selebi trial, given that your boss has been reported to have done favours for Mr Selebi?
Or, can you mention to us which lies Mr Agliotti has told at the trial, and how you know this.
If you answer me, I will shut up and go away…
Waht about the Manual Ndzimande? I am used to the Auto and couldnt reverse.
“Mike Atkins” remember when you used to tell me I was trying to get the ANC legal work (wrong) then I was going into politics (wrong) now I have an ulterior motive for backing a very unpopular horse.
My phone number is up there Mike Atkins – Give me a call and I’ll phone you back on your office landline.
“Mike Atkins” – Why didn’t you rather go for Keyser Sosa?
Traps, I am a little surprised by your aggressive tone. Youn seem to be playing the ball and not the man.
My query was a serious one, and I expected that you would be able to answer me on the merits of what I was saying. I don’t have any motivation to pull anyone down, but I am interested in the truth.
You could tell me that Mr Varejes is a great guy and you really respect him, and that any media reports about him have nothing to do with the opinions that you offer in your blog.
LOL.. nice one Traps
Very subtle, very dry, and very, very funny. If you ever write a novel, I will be first at the bookstore.
OK, I have had a quick look through my posts on your blog (I guess a hundred or so). I could not find anything like the ones you referred to.
I did once call one of your topics childish, and another sloppy. But if I ever said anything like you say, then it must have been tongue-in-cheek. Please could you give the links to the comments of mine that you refer to. Then I will give you a call.