When an irate Iraqi TV journalist flung his shoes at US president George W Bush during a press conference it seemed to me that a new era in political awards had dawned. I mean what better way to “celebrate” political achievement, or lack thereof, than to present African “leaders” with an order of the boot: the Jarman.
With the Oscar nominations upon us I decided to combine the categories of the Academy Awards with the best performances of 2008 and award the winners with a Jarman. Accordingly the 2008 African Jarman’s go to:
Best actor: Robert Mugabe for his compelling performance in the comedy drama “Cholera crisis; what cholera crisis?” Judges felt that Bob’s use of sarcasm was unparalleled. During his acceptance speech Bob lambasted the foreign media for misquoting him in his latest picture “Zimbabwe is mined”.
Best supporting actor: Thabo Mbeki for his role in the hit musical “Me and you and a dog named Bob”. The show included the hit songs “Amazing Grace, Three coins half-inched from a fountain and No Water (in the) Loo (adapted from ABBA’s song of a similar name).
Best actress: Manto Tshabalala-Msimang for her hysterical — in every sense of the word — role as the Minister of Health of an African country. Unfortunately she could not be allowed to play in the sequal as the directors felt she may be shot on location. Asked about the “recipe” for her success she declined to comment.
Best supporting actress: Grace Mugabe for her moving performance (most Zimbabweans have moved to South Africa after seeing it) in Gone with the wind. The film apparently got its name after Grace ate too many curried eggs while on a shopping trip to Harrods.
Best sound mixing: Manto Tshabalala-Msimang for that Spritzer she mixed when she found the president’s cabinet.
Best visual effects: Alec Erwin in Hello darkness my old friend.
Best original score: me with that airline stewardess when she bought that old “Do you sleep on your stomach” routine.
Best animated feature: Allan Boesak who was highly animated when the ANC refused to meet his demands.
Best director: Jacob Zuma for his direction of Bloody Parrot (1981). It is the story of an African Grey whose owner takes it to a party against the wishes of the hosts. There it learns all sorts of terrible habits which it mimics much to the annoyance of the guests.
Best adapted screenplay: Cope for their half-inching of the bulk of the ANC’s policies.
Best art direction: Barry Hilton; nuff said.
Best original song: Herschel Gibbs Green green grass of home.
Best film: No country for old men (Zimbabwe) — based upon a national life expectancy of below 40 years of age, the film plots an attempt by President Mugabe to try and overtake the aggregate age of his population on his own.
Merry Christmas to all my readers.
Thanks for the Merry Christmas.
Happy Hanukkah!
Traps, I notice that the Zim State media is claiming that the 300 million Rand that South Africa had been withholding until the implementation of the GNU has now been freely given to ZANU-PF by the ANC as a demonstration of solidarity.
So much for Mbeki’s removal might mean that South Africa would no longer be complicit in Bob’s ongoing revenge against his people.
Thanks Siobahn!
Dave even Cope are calling for sanctions on Mugabe :
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601116&sid=aVJ.lxfMCDMM&refer=africa
December 22, 2008
Mr. Traps:
Merry Christmas. I wish a better world free of political oppression and economic deprivation. We all are brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. Todd Kidd, New Orleans.
THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN or Limpopo Area – the poorest of the poor please take note. Guess who they will vote for?
Their beloved liberators who gave them the “freedom” to die from easily treated diseases, from lack of maintenance and replacement of essential UTILITIES !
Did I use that word many months ago ?
I do tend to repeat myself. I come from the generation taught that “a stitch in time saves nine.” We are a dying species so its unknown to present generations.
I suggest you scroll down to the comments by readers who are more distressed that Thought and Leader bloggers.
http://www.thetimes.co.za/News/Article.aspx?id=909180”
Comments by ex-Australian Malcom Fraser who seems to have changed his stance since Nat days when we was a potent enemy of apartheid.
“If there were South African leadership you would have a unified position which would be anti-Mugabe.
“It’s not something that white faces can solve. Africa is going to have to solve it and the sooner they do so the better.” – Sapa
He called for massive sanctions against South Africa during his term in office.
Put SAZIM in this category.
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=13&art_id=vn20081223054739338C824570
Pricy upliftment programme flops
A damning report reveals that the R130-million European Union-funded Gijima (Go Fast) programme, managed by the KwaZulu-Natal Department of Economic Development since 2004, has failed in its attempts to create economic opportunities for the poor.
National finance minister Trevor Manuel recently announced a further R300-million for a locally funded Gijima programme in his rolling three-year expenditure programme, which experts have cautioned could be a waste of taxpayers’ money if the issues in the report are not addressed.
The document, which is in the possession of The Mercury, shows only 25 KZN Local Economic Development support programme projects out of a total of 40 got the go-ahead over the period, with only two of those originating through the Gijima programme. Only one of those two made it to the implementation phase but ultimately failed to get off the ground.
SOUNDS LIKE SAZIM ?
White funds,,, for African Solution.
Solutions? What solutions?
Merry Xmas to you too, Michael.
You deserve the break after your prodigious efforts here this year.
Michael let us not forget Uncle Bob’s favourite song:
All because you’re my kind, oh, baby
I got what you want, you got what I want
And we were made for each other, ooh
Forever mine
And I’m so glad ‘cause it gets better with time, oh, girl
I like what you like, you like what I like
And we were made for each other
Oh, baby, you are that someone
I’ve been hopin’, I’ve been lookin’ all my days
Don’t you ever think about leavin’
This heart of mine would be grievin’
Don’t go, stay, stay.
Somehow I don’t think it is going to work.
Many thanks Paul and Todd for the kind words.
How appropriate to end the year with a funny, frivolous, footling piece. Thanks, Traps.
… and a festive Festive Season to you, and all the Thoughtleader community.
Thanks Belle – Footling is as footling does….