My doctor has classified me G6 K4 which means that if I’m called up during times of war as an army reservist, the SANDF uses me for prisoner exchanges. Beats working for a living.
Anyhow as some of you may recall, this genius of the medical profession and I don’t always see eye to eye. Every time I see him he starts wafflling on about the evils of smoking and how every cigarette is shortening my life, and I start yelling on the top of my voice, just to make sure the whole waiting room can hear, that it’s not my fault we couldn’t get him off that charge of impersonating a doctor.
He started!
But this wenner is by no means the biggest danger smokers are facing. No sir! There is a far more devious plot afoot in terms whereof the nanny state is planning to kill us all.
As you lot should recall this all started with them throwing us out of our offices, restaurants and movie houses every time we felt like having a smoke.
This, at a time when the government admits that crime is rampant. Every program you watch, there’s a geniuses ranting and raving about hijackings, murders, stabbings and every conceivable violent crime you can think of.
Then they want us to go outside!
So you have to hide in the toilets desperate for a smoke from worrying about all that crime that is going on outside, which is where they want you to be.
This from the same geniuses who decided to catch criminals by using “Police File” – remember that television show? “Danie is 6ft 11in and 165kgs, sporting a Mohican haircut. He is wanted in connection with 237 murders, eight armed robberies, untold assualts, kidnapping, arson and sodomy. Police believe he ‘might’ be dangerous. They want you to be on the lookout for Danie in the Cresta area..”
They want us to go looking for Danie?
When? While we’re outside having a smoke?
Then they want us to phone the cops! Yeah right! You want to know why?
Those cops in Cresta aren’t stupid. As soon as they get the call that Danie’s been spotted in the area they’re getting the hell out of Dodge. They figure that with all those smokers out there keeping the dog preoccupied they’ll have just enough time to put in for sick leave and go to ground.
Marvellous!
So the real reason they want smokers outside is not to prevent passive smoke inhalation, but to get us to look for all those wenners that not even the cops will go near.
Now, as you will have read in that article above, they want to introduce horrific graphic images on cigarette packets. Which means that now while you’re having four smokes where you used to have one just thinking about all the criminals lurking out there, you also get to see these packets from hell.
Which means you’ll probably need extra smokes to get over the shock of those packets. So by the time you get back inside you’ll look like the thing that emerged from the sewer; smoke still coming out of your ears and your hair, off your jacket, everywhere.
The receptionist telling you, you look like crap maybe you should go and see a doctor, so you start worrying about your health and nip out for another quick smoke until you see the packet, so one becomes 10 and while you’re at it, you see Danie!
Guys, they’re trying to kill us.
Author
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