Why do women in Johannesburg have to be so lazy?! To say that I am a traditionalist would be a wild inaccuracy. Yes, I am a proud Zulu man. Yes, I do actually count Zulu royalty among my ancestors. Yes, I believe there should be a clear head of the household and it should wear boxers not G-strings or French knickers except maybe during those intimate moments, but I am open-minded and believe myself to be a true citizen of the universe where all are equal. Some have even ventured to call me progressive and “the epitome of the modern Zulu man”, but damn it, a man is a man and should be treated as such!
So it is not a surprise that I have struggled with relationships in Jozi and it can’t all be about the fact that my body resembles that of the current D’Angelo (not the naked, statuesque D’Angelo of that Untitled (How Does It Feel) video he made in his prime) I look more like the current, out of shape D’Angelo, the dude who now looks like he couldn’t run down The Buff Toddler on the loose in the park. So there has got to be another reason for my inability to find myself in a relationship based in Johannesburg that I believe I could be in forever, and I have figured out that my problem is one of a cultural clash of sorts.
The problem is that I come from KwaZulu-Natal and the women there are waaay different than the average Johannesburg woman. My problem, I have diagnosed, is that I have been spoilt in my upbringing and cannot understand the modernised version of the female I am meant to fall in love with and hopefully marry.
Allow me for a bit to sing the praises of the KZN women so that you may understand where I’m coming from. We’ll start with respect, I doubt there is a cultural group, note I say group here not the anomalies, that is more respectful then the AmaZulu and the women follow suit. Women from KZN are generally more respectful; I’m not saying they bow down, get on their knees and crawl to you when bringing you food any more, but in my experience they tend to be more respectful to themselves, their community and especially their men.
Let us get on to beauty; here I speak of natural, unmanufactured beauty. You can walk through a poor neighbourhood like Section K Kwa-Mashu and at every corner be blinded by beautiful women who have not even the slightest inkling of how gorgeous they are. This means they do not have the burden of being uppity about it because beauty is quite the norm in those parts, not the exception and not manufactured either. One of my friends would look at a simple girl running errands in town and say: “Sumo, if you took that girl, sent her to a spa a few times to get her skin right, then to a salon for hair and nails and then took her on a shopping spree and dressed her right, she would be good enough to be a pin-up model.” And it is true, in these women not knowing their potential there is a lurking humbleness that you don’t get with someone who has to constantly manufacture themselves every morning to look, well, lookable.
Then there’s what KZN women are willing to do for a guy who is their significant other. It is normal and ends up being quite expected that if you are with a KZN woman she will do some things around the house when she comes to visit. Typically, she will give it up proper of course and however you like it. And then in the morning, she will clean the house/shack/flat/backroom, wash your clothes and the bedding you happily defiled together, make breakfast and generally leave you all together better off and happier than before she arrived there.
And I am not talking about a poor or uneducated woman here who does these things for financial security from a guy, no I am talking about the professional woman — doctors, respected businesswomen and industry leaders. No matter what their occupation they treat their men right, it is what they grew up with, it is how their mothers trained them — a good woman keeps a clean house and a happy man. “Keeps” being the operative word here.
It has been ten years since I started having serious relationships ie post-teenage years, and having lived in The Kingdom for over eight of those years, I came to be accustomed to certain things like a functional transport system, warm weather, the sea and the KZN woman in all her splendour. It is fortunate that I find myself where I am in my career, but the only snag is the location. I had to leave my beloved KZN and move to this mine dump called Jozi to be able to do the nine-to-five. I moved reluctantly. I had to for my career advancement and material gain but I often wonder about what I lost in the little things that my Premier Banker cannot account for.
I lost the pleasure of just going to the beach on weekend afternoons for a braai with friends. I lost the privilege of not having to drive everywhere and I lost the tender care of the well-endowed KZN woman — oh, how I miss her.
Let us talk for a moment about what I have gained. Yes I live in a very nice neighbourhood which is relatively safe. I work for a … well I work, which is good enough and I am able to take care of stuff financially and my family does not need to need as much any more, but I now have to contend with a whole different breed of women as a trade-off.
I know I generalised about the KZN woman, but speaking of their lesser-gifted cousins, the Jozi women, I shall only call on my experiences and those that have been related to me from first-hand experience by men I have known a long time and trust. I’ll start with covering the same aspects as I did with the KZN goddess.
Respect of the Jozi woman … (drawing a blank, maybe I’ll come back to this later).
Aesthetic appeal, for I doubt if manufactured it should still be called beauty. Ah now here is a topic I may delve in to; the Jozi bird is well put together, let us hand her that crown, ladies and gentlemen. The Jozi bird works hard and spends hard at attaining what comes naturally to some. Jenny Button suits are expensive, I hear. Make up costs in the thousands a month, the hair (probably shaved off the head of some unfortunate Vietnamese girl) sells for up to a thousand for a few precious tufts and the cars they drive leave us guys drooling. Of course, it is a whole different story when you look at this bird early in the morning before she rises and adorns herself. (If you hadn’t guessed it, you will have to go catch your own damn worm with this one, she needs her beauty sleep every day.)
Which leads me to how domesticated these birds are, well, they are not domesticated at all as far as I can tell. I have experienced a lady who after I had put in a whole night’s work, good work might I add while she enjoyed the rides, woke up in the morning, took a shower, dressed and went and sat in front of the TV. When she realised I wasn’t going to make her breakfast she picked up her keys, kissed me goodbye and left telling me not to worry — she would grab breakfast at Europa. I was fazed as I did the bed and cleaned up the mess that we had made together.
Now I have had many conversations about this “problem” with a great many lasses from this mine dump and all of those chats have concluded in me being called a typical Zulu chauvinist who has no respect for women and their newly-attained status of equality and their progress in life. I make good arguments though for my case and all are piled up under the “male chauvinism” banner and disregarded.
And then these very same ladies complain about their men leaving them after long relationships to marry the more domesticated type of woman who often is from the Kingdom. They say that, us Zulu men especially, will date them and have a good time and all the while keep uMakoti (bride) from the Kingdom whom we eventually will marry, often to their surprise and shock and tears and questioning why and name-calling on Facebook.
Well, let me offer a possible reason why this happens in a little anecdote. Ladies, I have a friend who did just that. He dated a lovely young woman from Jozi who seemingly had it all going for her except that, according to him, she wasn’t much of a wife at all. One can understand having a maid in this day and age, everyone works, yes, but fundamentally a wife needs to take care of her husband.
My friend related to me how different his experiences were with the two women in his life. The woman from Jozi had it all, but did not even do the smallest things for him. He shared chores with her, often had to cook and clean because she was tired from work and he never had anything brought to him on a tray by her, ever!
With the KZN woman he did next to nothing, unless he wanted to. When she was around stuff just magically happened around the house. He would forget where the dishwasher was located and even what colour the kitchen walls were because he had no need to ever go in there. This woman also worked, but made sure that he needed for nothing. He says to me that he took a look at his future and how it would look like and decided that the future where he didn’t have to do house work, worry about dinner or what he would wear to work was the future that was right for him. So he married the KZN woman at the expense of the Jozi bird. Of course he was sworn at on Facebook by all her friends, but hey, he is happy at home with his wife who he loves dearly.
The Jozi woman believes she is worldlier, believes she doesn’t “need” a man if that’s what Cosmo is telling her that month and appreciates the European ideals more than her culture. I do not blame her, her culture or what is left of it is a confusing mixture of all of the country’s cultural bits and pieces (including some European) created by the location of this great City of Gold and all the unique cultures it swallowed up to spit out what we know now as Johannesburg. I venture that this is to her detriment.
You will experience the traditionally un-wifely attributes of her personality in her aggression (explained as: she is a go-getter, a DIY, modern woman), her self-centeredness (she cannot settle before she climbs right up that corporate ladder, is seen at the right places, with the right people, doing the latest right thing, wearing the latest right pieces … ), her coldness (she won’t trust another with her heart, will probably not marry until she is deep in her thirties, is willing to deny a child a father because he is not of the correct financial and/or social standing). In all her considerations, the Jozi woman has always got one question in mind “What’s in it for me?” which I believe is no basis for a happy home, but I may be wrong.
I am not trying to argue for you ladies regressing into the dark ages of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I’m just saying that a little goes a long way. You don’t have to take off his shoes when he comes home from work on all fours, but you could make the guy feel a little bit more appreciated in his own home (or yours for that matter). Trust me, if you make him feel at home with you he will never leave. We are much like babies, we need pampering and caring, we need to be made to feel like we are the centre of your universe — is that too much to ask?
The Jozi woman I describe is not an isolated incident; there are loads of testimonies to her character from many different men and not all black men either. This is how she is and which leads me to believe that this is how she was raised. So I don’t blame her, I blame her mother for how she has turned out — this laziness shit would have never flown at my house under my mothers watch, trust me, there would have literally been murders!
I rest for now. Next week I’ll write about the courtship experience. The work that men put into courtship vs the reward vs the work that women put into courtship (nothing). Since we are all equal now, I think all the work should be shared, including those traditionally “male” tasks.
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53 Responses to “I blame your mother”
Sumo at first I thought this was tongue in chick- but i guess not.
I see a similar trend here in australia.Lots of ozzie man are taking a flight out to the Phillipines and marrying a filipino woman usually with child rather than marry some of our Aussie liberated females who dont appreciate their men.
Maybe I should direct these men to KZN and the bevy of women you talk about. That should give you a run (that cant be bad for your figure) for your money
“there are loads of testimonies to her character from many different men and not all black men either”
Sexism is like racism, incredibly prevalent and ingrained in the South African psyche so deep that most of its most loud-mouthed exponents don’t even realise how so-last-week they are.
It seems like the Jozi ‘bird’ had a lucky escape. I love how the title of the article refers to the laziness of women, and the whole rest of the references the laziness of some ‘traditional’ men. Hilarious.
maybe if your mother and father had also raised you to do housework, being with a woman who was useless in housework and cooking et cetera.
my stepfather is the best cook i have ever met. he is also far better with housework than my mother ever was. [and since they didn’t have any children together, he couldn’t have been with her to be a baby making machine.]
*in my mother’s defense, my mother is number two on the all-time cooks list. that said, when the kitchen sink got too full of dishes, she would buy new ones and have homeless people take the ones out of her sink. seriously.
one of my tenants had his wife’s 10 year old daughter cleaning my house and doing ALL of the domestic chores. the resistance that i encountered when i said that her 8 year old brother should at least help her was immense. it actually worked — only because i brought up how miserable a cook my tenant was, largely because he never had to cook for himself until he left his mother’s house. [said tenant was such a bad cook that my 16 year old actually started to pay attention when i gave cooking lessons.]
you might be right that you’ll stay forever if you can find someone who shows you that you are appreciated. but at the same time, a random hand in housework would be much appreciated.
Well that is your opinion, you are entitled to it. Personaly I dont think there is a problem with the jozi weman. Every one has the right to leave the way they want. If you want a maid as a wife then go for it. But please do not belittle the weman who prefer to put on a make up and drive her own car that leaves you drolling as you put it to work and have a maid to do the house chores for her than to clean after you. There is nothing wrong with the way weman in jozi leave. If you dont want them then go home to KZN and merry one or two or even more of the KZN weman
Why don’t you employ a domestic worker to do your domestics or live with your mother? If you visit/stay over at my place, you will be my guest, I will treat you as such and would expect the same at your or anyone else’s place - sex or no sex. Doing dinners, the dishes and laundry provides comfort and convenience (to men) and rarely does it guarantee respect, loyalty and/or faithfulness. Why don’t you share the ‘burden’, and earn some respect?
Wow! How nice a slave with benefits! I’m surprised you are not married, you seem like such a catch. Brace yourself for all the slaves clamouring to shack up and serve you. If i had the time or the inclination i would substitute ‘I’ for ‘young lady’ and ‘young lady/jozi chick’ for ‘Sumo’ and ask you to re-read your article. i won’t happen or change your views though
That is true my brother, am also from The Kingdom and moved to this mine dump 5 years ago and experienced the same thing with women here. I thought I was being hard but yes they are different. I am now dating a sister from The Kingdom and planning to marry her soon. She is good to me and treats me like a Prince. I also treat her like a Princess
Ah, what a sad day it was when slavery was abolished! My condolences on your loss. I am afraid the movement to female liberation is inexorable. So perhaps a little adjustment on the male side is what is called for.
First of all: Male jobs? There is no such thing. No female jobs either. It is a myth. The modern woman absorbs knowledge of home repairs and vehicle upkeep as easily as arranging flowers. There is nothing to it. Male jobs? More like slack jobs.
Secondly: Lazy? More like a correction in the innate laziness of all spoiled men. Incidently, I do blame that on the mothers for raising their little boys to consider themself lord and master of their castle and, in effect, never to grow up. B.T.W the word “spoiled” means rotten, off, gone bad.
It is a painful adjustment, I know, but counting the cows, eyeballing contenders for the village beauty and making war on the next door village when cabin fever hits is not the only male occupations anymore. If it will help, look at homemaking as a battle. One best fought with an equal and willing partner at your side. I’ll wash the dishes if you cook, sort of thing. Please pass me the screwdriver, sort of thing.
Welcome to the 21st Century. I will ask the WLF to vist the Kingdom soon, promise. It seems in desperate need of enlightenment.
I respect Sumo for this article “I blame your Mother” Not only is she a brilliant writer, but she also is able to place facts in a way that a “typical” Jozi woman sees herself painted throughout this article.
IF only women would understand that its the KZN type of a woman that we men want, and more especially if all women would be like this, there would be less cases of infidelity.
hats off to u Sumo
mothers have nothing to do with it. i dare you to go to KZN or The Kingdom and find the woman who fits the profile of your future wife. Marry her and bring her to Jozi and let me know if she’ll still be the same person you married. Again mothers have nothing to do with it - blame the city and modernisation.
Shame, I’m sorry for you, sumo, and very glad this is not my culture. i was raised to believe that ‘partner’ means just that, and each person in the relationship needs to pull their weight, domestically, financially and in the sack
If you expect your wife to be like your mother you will always be disappointed. Culture, like time, is always changing.
Coming from Limpopo, I tend to agree. The manufactured beauty of the Joburg lasses doesn’t make for good wives. They are more concerned about their looks and what others think of them than how best they can be as wives or partners. And I don’t refer to being preggies en kaalfoet. Today’s lifestyle needs two to tango, but we would still appreciate that feminine touch, humulity and all. Must we all go rural for the marriage type?
Nice one Sumo. I can identify with the Jozi bird and quite frankly i dont want to spend the rest of my life with the men like you and your friend , You might as well go to your Yebo Baba lady in KZN. I work bloody hard, even harder than Men i seem to attract and i can not be expected to be maid as well. My mother thought me and my brother well, when i cook you do the dishes, when i do the laundry you do your own ironing and i will do mine. Basically in a townhouse there is no cows for you to look after so really you cant expect to sit on your butt and have your little skivvy running around
I was speechless for some minuets after reading this. Completely unbelievable. Apparently, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Wonder why the “so called” Jozi woman (and most of them were actually not born in Jozi) would rather be single than married?
As probably the epitome of what you are talking about, I would rather you and those like you went to KZN or the Philipines, or whereever these desirable women live, find a wife and marry her. Stop trying to pressurise the rest of us. We dont want to be those women, and we definately dont want to marry you.
You sound very upset that we choose how we live our lives, including being single parents if we need to. The tone that you use in the post outlines your disrespect for the choices that we have made. Why does this go up your nose so? If we dont force you to marry us, and are happy to leave you alone, which we are, why does it bother you so? Clearly there are plenty women out there who are willing to be the kind of woman you want. Why not go for those women and leave the Jozi girl be? Maybe that is the question that you need to get to the bottom of, dont you think?
I really thought this was a piss-take and kept waiting for the punchline…it never came.
Tsk tsk, those evil Jozi woman don’t want to wait on your fat ass - what do you have to offer them?
They earn more, are better educated and probably much more stylish than you - so apart from a shag what have you got that they need? (And no honey, no man is THAT good in bed that I’ll be his housemaid)!
The Dark Ages just called - they want you back
@Lazman… The answer is yes. If the marriage type is the cook, clean, run around and dispense with the jollies in the backround while I lie around and sratch my XXX, then rural you should go.
Have you guys ever wondered why we move to Jozi? FYI, precisely because we dont want to be skivvies for some men. Joburg is very liberating for women. Here we come to find ourselves. If at the end of the process, we discover that we dont need one of you hanging around for survival/ to fit in/ validation, then I reckon its great for us.
Thanks Sumo, for reminding me what it is I’m not missing. Whatever nostalgia I had for the comforts and romance of home, being in love with a nice Zulu/sotho/tswana man, being part of a traditional comunity where I know the rules and regulations and being a wife in the trditional sense I’ve just been cured of.
Its people like you that make me grateful for the choices I have made, and the ability to make them. Many women in the rural areas wish they could have the same freedom that i enjoy, but unfortunately dont have the option. Admittedly some are quite happy with their lot in life, and these I also respect.
Firstly and foremost, gotta give you props for having balls my man. I feel like the guy at the bar watching the guy who’s carrying on while his wife is decimating him with whisper and glare. i’ll drink to that.
now, my visits with your mine dump have been few and far between. i do however agree that most of the beauties i meet there are rather…engineered. some of them suppress their inner-glow by marinading themselves in clinique number x1004 and propping themselves in stilleto’s and planting winnie’s wig on their shaven heads.
nonetheless, above article could be said about cape town as well. its the comfort zone thing. you are use to a certain type of behaviour and woman. They are also used to your type. the minute you interact with a new culture, and societal “norm” you bench-mark everything else on what works…that being Kingdom Women.
I think Jozi women are challenging and sometimes want men who are humble enough to be themselves yet ambitious. but then again, the “typical” jozi woman might pepper-spray you for being too ambitious…
Yep, you are right: zuluboys are babies who never grow up. Perhaps you should marry your mother.
Im unable to relate to your perspective of women, mainly because of your inability to view women in the singular. You see, in my eurocentric, monogamistic upbringing we gravitate towards one, single person with whom we can share life… the operative word being SHARE … though I doubt you would be able to relate to that concept, either.
@ Sumo: “When she was around, stuff just magically happened around the house.”
I couldn’t agree more, Sumo. Before OUR revolution, women were slaves in all but name. That is what is wrong in every culture but especially patriarchal ones where men take women’s servitude as an ‘entitlement’.
You acknowledge that career women work as hard and as long as men yet you still expect them (’doctors, lawyers, etc.) to ditch their professional accomplishments and RIGHT to equality at home as well as at work, and gladly ‘take care of her husband’. If the wife is working as long and as hard as the husband, why the hell should she be expected to do all of the domestic chores whilst her husband sits in front of an idiot box watching other idiots chase each other from one end of a field to the other or plays the computer version of the idiot’s guide to war?
Women are entitled–ENTITLED–to as much freedom of choice, freedom to spend their time as THEY see fit, and expect a man to look after HIMSELF. It takes two ADULTS to make a marriage–not one and a half!
Women have for too long been the both the plow and the horse, Sumo. You want a ‘good wife’? First learn how to be a ‘good MAN’. There is no reason for a woman to serve anyone. That is not selfish. That is ADULT.
@ Kaytee, vicki et all- just asking this question. Would you expect a man to pay lobola for you.
I have gone out with a few Jozi women and I still have to find one who would refuse a man paying lobola for her.One girl wanted me to fly all the way from oz to Limpopo and pay lobola to her dad.
I have NEVER found a black SA woman who is ready to dispense with Lobola totally. Not ONE!Lawyers doctors nurses teachers- all of them want lobola paid.They still want the ring though
Perhaps, Suomo, you should just employ a maid and forget about marriage. Think about it: pay someone R2000 per month to cook and clean up after you, leaving you free to shag any number and variety of women that you desire.
… assuming that there are vast numbers of women desperate enough to shag you.
utter rubbish. You try working a 12 hour day and to come home to slave over a man. This is abuse. This article points to why the marriage rate is falling amongst black diamonds. There is an expectations mismatch where we the women are expected to be super human. Here is a thought you try playing goddess to your girlfriend?? Really this piece is utter rubbish. I understand now why black woman are so jaded. Black woman does not equal YOUR MOTHER, MAID,PROSTITUTE.
Disgusted black woman on February 11th, 2010 at 6:02 am
Sumo,pack your bags and go back to KZN,before you drown in your own misery.I am not from Jozi and am born and bred in the rural areas.I must tell you one thing I do not let my mother,nor the culture define who and what I become.
This articlecoming from a young man of your age leaves a bitter taste of disappointment in my mouth.Maybe the KZN women believe that their happiness and worth goes together with keeping their man happy.Well if you can’t do your own chores then drown in your filth or find a maid,because there is only one thing that I want from a man and when it is done I am gone.And frankly it works out much easier that way no expectations from both parties and leaves me with time to do things that I find important like getting the ever so important beauty sleep,so I can maintain that beauty that attracted “you” in the first place.
@ The Sumo
On point, funny enough I was discussing the very same issue with some female colleagues yesterday, who swore that they would, NEVER!! I went on to explain to them how my woman of KZN origin takes care of me. I cant remember the last time I went to the kitchen, let alone picked up a broom. IT’S A FACT KZN WOMEN ROCK!!! Jozi ‘birds’ on the other hand are too superficial. ‘A Jozi bird’ hides behind a concoction of make-up (she doesn’t look that good), is always wearing stilettos (she’s not that tall), fake eyelashes, wonderbra(her breasts aren’t that perky), fake hair extensions, not to mention the fake nails and chronic fake-accent, doesnt cook, doesnt clean, & has no respect whatsoever…
Everything about this Jozi woman is a lie, and she expects me, as a man, to take her seriously???…
The Sipho Mazibuko on February 11th, 2010 at 9:58 am
It’s called the Horse-hair syndrome. I tend to agree with you Sumo but i think, here in jozi, it’s more to do with a culture of acquiring as much material possessions, where ones quality of life solely depends on how well of you are, and this includes men as well. I also think you’ll find that 20 years from now, KZN will be littered with ‘jozi birds’ and your beloved KZN woman will have ceased to exist. By the way I also have a particular distaste for jozi women.
@ Haiwa:
For me lobola is symbolic and optional. My family is very relaxed about such things. If you want to pay it you may, and we wont ask for R60000. More like R10000.
I have actually told my family that they should ask for an amount that, should the need arise (i.e. should someone start thinking lobola=purchase => me=slave), I could simply do an ETF for that amount into their account and put the matter to rest. The process of lobola, the symbolism of it is fine with me, but not all that necessary. If you had to pay what I’m worth in rands and cents, you couldn’t afford it anyway.
Bottom line, its a value proposition, cost benefit analysis and all that. I ask myself this question: Will this relationship improve my quality of life? If I end up with more crap on my plate by being with you (including ironing and cleaning, which i detest) and get f’all back (remember, I don’t need your money and I can get laid for free elsewhere), then i’m not interested. The person who recognises the difference between want and need will always make better decisions. We no longer need men. We want them. And so unfortunately for men and fortunately for women the expectations have changed, .
Some of the advanced cultures marry within the family or they’ll have that whole marriage thing pre-arranged for you.
My culture forbids this - it’s stuck in the Dark Ages, you see?
The onus is on us again, the Lost Generation turned Black ‘Diamonds’ to make a judgement call. Do we forsake the ways of our forbearers and move on with advanced cultural lifestyle or can we strike a balance somehow?!
I personally don’t see anything wrong with the model of the family units we were reared in.
“Why do women in Johannesburg have to be so lazy?! TO SAY THAT i’M A TRADITIONALIST WOULD BE A WILD INACCURACY. Yes, I am a proud Zulu man. Yes, I do actually count Zulu royalty among my ancestors. Yes, I BELIEVE THERE SHOULD BE A CLEAR HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD AND IT SHOULD WEAR BOXERS NOT G-STRINGS or French knickers except maybe during those intimate moments, but I am OPEN-MINDED and believe myself to be a true citizen of the universe where ALL ARE EQUAL. Some have even ventured to call me PROGRESSIVE and “the epitome of the modern Zulu man”, but damn it, a man is a man and SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH!”
Have you ever seen a paragraph so pregnant with contradictions.
This is as appalling to me as reading some racist drivel about black people’s inferiority. I see every black man now and feel mild disgust. Its kinda like seing a white man immidiately after watching the full Roots series. Unfair I know, but I’ll get over it.
@sqeeza. Nice that you find this funny.For me, as an African woman, with knowledge of what that can sometimes cost a sister, this is not at all funny. I equate the Jozi girl (with regards to relationships) to the educated who’s causing all the trouble (re. interacial relationship back in the “dark” days).
@Sumo. I will not thank you for reminding me of the negativity around me.
I am an educated woman, mordenized, run a company, make millions worth decisions at work and all that but to be honest everything must be done in moderation. As a woman you need to understand where to draw the line. Let me share a bit of my life. Hapily married to my Zulu man for 10 years but it’s how I do things. Firstly I don’t cook but my maid will not dish for my husband coz I need to know what he eats and I don’t want a maid near my husband. You let your maid brings food for your husband and you wonder when she takes him. I do no washing or ironing but she must do all that and never pack the clothes for my husband. I pick the ironed laundry and put it nicely for my husband because when he needs something (you can’t help it their eyesight is distotted)I must give him. What did you expect the maid to come and pick show him. All you need to do is treat him like a king and you get treated like a princess and you have him all around your little finger.
Fhatuwani Rambau on February 11th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Shame it must be tough for them to come to grips with the change. The sad reality is, sometimes it does take that to keep a man but it does not guarentee it. Look at poor Mariekie De Klerk, good Afrikaans woman who suported that man all his carreer the minute they got old he left her for a younger woman.
I must admit, If I had the luxury of having a slave for a partner, I would’nt mind either. Who wants some lazy partner who does not want to lift a finger. I’m willing to compromise thou, If I must do that much house chores, he better be romantic has hell, a demon in the sack and funny as hell. The same goes for women who are not domesticated they have to make up for it with:
respect (and that does not mean cooking and cleaning, respect is in the way you treat each other, how you communicate, how you refer to him/her when talking about him/her)
intelligence (my parents gave me a brain not a mop and bucket, damn) If we work and earn money why must we mop the floors and scub the grime ourselves when we can create a job. But yes I will agree that it does take major give and take in a relationship to make it work both sides have to do their bit.
Poor guy, he must just go back to the bush if he wants a domesticated wife,
Nice one. But the irony here is. Most of the Jozi birds originate from KZN, Limpopo, Utienhage, Qofimvaba, and once they get used to the limelights of the ‘City Of Disasters” they change, forget their roots, culture and manners.
Now my question is; Who are Jozi Bird?
@True Woman : Oh dear, scared the domestic worker will snatch yo man (by the way, they aren’t called ‘maids’ anymore)
Basically your solution is not to get him to share the work but to outsource it to some other poor woman that you probably pay a pittance.
What kind of marriage is that and how insecure do you have to be to worry she will ‘take’ him as if he’s an inanimate object like a car that can be stolen. This reminds me why I am single by ACTIVE CHOICE.
@Kaytee: the cost-benefit analysis generally reveals that the return on investment is very low and not really worth your time
I blame your mother for making you such a chauvinist. Remember she was raising you and her main duties were the fullfillment of your maslow’s hierachy on needs. She was not trying to get life partner out of you. She loved you unconditionally with all your sloppiness and bad manners. This dear Zulu brother is what mothers do not girlfriends. As a thorougbred Zulu women-who brings home some sort of bacon (and steak as a bonus),it would be unrealistic for me to think I can pull a 12 hour day at work and get home and be a superwoman. That stuff my friend is for comic books. its not sustainable and never good ground for
You right there…I am a Zulugirl and I grew up knowing my role as a women not that I am a old fashion type of girl, I have a nice car and a good job and I use a make up…if I can point it out I am engaged to a white man. Bt I did not forget my place as a Zulu woman, I clean my house and I cook what I know and I do my washing. I am not willing to compromise what I am and what I learned when I was back home. My fiance is proud of me because he thinks that’s intelligence but I know its my place as a women. He has offered to hire someone to clean my house but I said no cos I can do it by myself. PS: Zulu women also stay away from alcohol and cigarette and they are very understanding, and patient …thats y they keep their man. I am a Proud Newlands West Girl
@ Mehlo - Honey get of your high horse they are maids and just depend on your preference on synonyms available. The lady is a well paid girl probably better than you, even attends school, I help her with assignments so she can be a better person than you.I’m not an ungrateful human being who doesn’t know other people. So don’t assume and discuss the point!!! You have not experienced married life that is why you prefer being single and let me tell you it’s amazing. Insecure - you are taking this too much to heart loosen up. The point is you protect your territory PERIOD!!
People are missing the point here completely. All I am saying you work with the psychology and you have what you want.
@Sumo don’t despair you will find the one you looking for.
Oh Sumo! Now you’ve done it! I’ve been in this mad city for 8months and I have to be honest, Jozi women are LAZY! Keeping a clean house is not a mission if you do it regularly. It doesn’t matter how much money you make but nothing beats a personal touch. It’s the same thing as your man fixing a plug for you or something, it feels good that you have someone in the house who can fix stuff, do the garden etc and you’d hate it if everytime you needed a plug fixed you had to call a handyman. It’s all about personally taking care of your man.
Thanks Sumo for this. Now I really appreciate my Zulu Man, who treat me like a queen and not like his slave. If all Zulu man thinks like you, then he is truly one of a kind. I see a man as a cherry on top of the cake and not the whole cake. Even if the cherry is not there the cake is still delicious. Some of us women don’t need men in our lives, we choose to have them. So go back to your kingdom and get your subsivient wife, you can’t handle a real one anyway.
Much as a man’s behavior doesn’t always have much to do with their father, a woman’s behavior doesn’t always have to do with how their mother raised them. Human beings are much more complex than that! Picture this … A drunkard lady gives birth to twin girls. The twins lead very harsh upgrowing due to their mother’s drinking problem. One twin grows up to become a very success prominent member of the community, the other grows up to become a hopeless drunkard with no real direction in life. On their 21st birthday celebration they are each afforded a moment to say a word or two during the party. The hopeless twin states, “I’m what I’m today because of my mother”, and the successful twin states, “If it wasn’t of my mother, I wouldn’t be what I’m today”.
Which of the two twins is telling the truth?
Respect must in a relationship be mutual if the co-existence is to be healthy, irrespective of which corner of the Earth one originates from. Chores within a household must be dealt with equitably … in a fair manner. There’s not much wrong in a wife focusing on what is traditionally known to be women chores, and a man doing likewise. So long as each performs their share of the family tasks diligently or makes a plan for someone to takeover when they are not able to do their tasks themselves, all should be in order.
The Jozi woman is so accustomed to living on her own and doing things for herself whenever and however she wants to. When you come into the picture (OH YEA MIGHTY MAN), you cant expect her to suddenly look for the broom and a tray to serve you. With love comes the desire to help your significatnt other, naturally i’d expect that would be the case with my man. I dont expect to come home 2 hours after you and find you holding your tummy in hunger when you know I dont take the pots with me to the office! It’s all about common sense…
this article is so true, perhaps its easier for jhb braaz to get along with their own jhb breeds, i hail frm the north & certainly what i have seen is tht jhb breed are in for the gain of it, else hike bra
Mnyamatsi hixi viri on February 15th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
I am a joburg girl and I am truly offended by your article. Why must I be a super woman?
My role as a woman has changed, I now have to bring home the bacon too. Does this mean I have to do your job (breadwinner) and still be dutiful wife and mother? What are you doing to support me in all these roles…
Be the sole bread winner and I will gladly be the dutiful wife and mother and cater to your every need.
I don’t think you can blame mothers ..Why not blame the men who accept lazy women and support them ?…It isn’t their mother.Grown women are responsible for their own behavior.I don’t know how you can blame mothers.
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The Sumo is a strapping young man in his late 20s who considers himself the ultimate transitional South African. Born and raised in a KwaZulu-Natal township near Durban, he was part of the first group of black initiates into the "multiracial" education system. He was (and is) always in contrast to the norm, black in "white" schools, a blazer-wearing coconut in the township streets, and now fat in a sea of conventional thinness in the corporate world. This, and a lifetime of junk-food consumption and beer guzzling, has culminated in the man you will come to know as the Sumo. See life through this man's eyes; see life through lard.
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Sumo at first I thought this was tongue in chick- but i guess not.
I see a similar trend here in australia.Lots of ozzie man are taking a flight out to the Phillipines and marrying a filipino woman usually with child rather than marry some of our Aussie liberated females who dont appreciate their men.
Maybe I should direct these men to KZN and the bevy of women you talk about. That should give you a run (that cant be bad for your figure) for your money
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