I don’t read much, I am black after all, but I found myself perusing the sacred pages of the weekly Sunday Times yesterday evening. You see, my housemate buys the paper, I think out of habit more than anything else because he constantly complains about the content now carried on the pages. And since there was a moerse storm going on outside I could not watch television (this is what Godless heathens like me do instead of studying the Holy Bible every night) so I picked up a bundle of the opinion paper and started looking at the personal classified adverts for something new to do this weekend.
You may think I’m old fashioned for switching off the old entertainment system during a thunder storm, but once bitten, twice shy. Power surges are a real bitch! I had a run-in with one of those last year and it left my television with a rather unsightly purple haze that formed in one corner and progressively spread over the whole screen. At the end of the migration, the screen resembled what I would imagine a sailors nether regions would look like after a particularly reckless evening spent being pleasured down Mahatma Gandhi in Durban (I know, it sounds really bad, they should have kept that street name as Point Road — it was more, erh, to the point that way and inoffensive when used in the context that the street is famous for).
Anyway, I’m totally losing the plot here. And speaking of totally losing the plot and bordering on a state of complete bananasness; I read on the paper that about three hundred Afrikaner supremacists, including the most famous one Eugene “Ghost Rider” Terre(or) Blanche or Oom Euge to his friends, gathered in an old battlefield site where thirty Afrikaners defeated “thousands” of Matabane, nx, I mean Matabele worriers (Zeb’s crew, would have never stood for that).
The self-appointed “Partner of the Nation” gathered there to commemorate that great day of the victory, celebrate their heritage and garner support for a renewed advance to the attainment of a Volkstad that could be as small as just a slice of Orania (which I thought they already had, silly me) or the whole country plus that little wasteland to the north called Zim, depending on what God thinks they should have after He clicks his finger and makes it so (not my words).
And another thing, apparently the ANC government A.K.A a democratically elected government which represents the will of all the democratic people of this country, not just those three hundred or so worthy of being invited to Euge’s braai at the farm (has anyone ever seen a whole ox on a spit, it is quite a site).
Anyway, the ANC is apparently the “black glove over the white fist (the British) set to forever punish the Afrikaner people”. That whole analogy reminded me of OJ and his cutting up of his wife and her lover thing … allegedly, but the glove didn’t fit then and I doubt this one will fit either, but then again what is a dumb black bloke like me to know about the intricacies of glove fitting since the only engineering feat we have achieved as a people is attaching a plough to the ass end of an ox. That last bit is according to one of the speakers at the three-hundred-strong gathering, the man is a true scholar and profound historian.
All I’m saying is that wheels don’t work for everyone, ask the Eskimos.
More seriously, a few matters of grave importance that needed to be addressed immediately were highlighted during the speeches. These are matters that threaten the very existence of the Afrikaner as a people and those that if left unattended would ultimate result in the complete and systematic eradication of the “volk” and their way of life. Among these gevaar are blacks, naturally, and 7de Laan — just to name a few.
“7de Laan?! My goodness, why 7de Laan?!” I shrieked in horror and then I remembered what the programme was and began to understand. You see, I had watched it with my Afrikaner girlfriend once. I was forced to watch it, otherwise later on she wouldn’t do that “Top Deck” thing I liked so much … I’m just joking, please don’t mobilise the militant wing of the AWB against me … I never watched 7de Laan?
The problem with the blacks is clear for everyone to see, I am sure, I mean with their limited exercise of their small ape-ish brains, but I was stumped on the poorly made, badly scripted, poorly performed SAEK programme until I read the AWB’s explanation on this matter – it is the unrealistic portrayal of mixed-race relationships in South Africa that drives the AWB’s kortbroeks right up their cracks. The whole thing is just based on fabrications and fantasy, giving the false impression to anyone watching that all Afrikaners would let blacks touch them, let alone kiss and do naughty Cadbury chocolate inspired things with them away at varsity.
The speaker has a point here, I am afraid to admit, not much mixing happens around here. I concede that one to the movement, not enough of this happens therefore it should not be portrayed as normal behaviour — a lot more meisies need to be hitched to Sumo’s for this farce to be fact and then realistically portrayed on our screens.
This gathering of like minds has a flag for their movement which has a long Afrikaans name that I cannot for the thick life of me remember. The flag is the size of a rugby field according to the reporter, a white dude, I hope, by the surname Ferreira, who was there I would guess. I think it was prudent for the newspaper to send in a white dude or one you cannot really tell is white or otherwise giving them a fair chance of returning to the office alive — these dudes were heavily armed with guns and Bibles written in Afrikaans and they have a really cool black uniform — menacing.
The size of the flag was no coincidence either, I would suggest, a whole rugby field’s worth of flag is a lot. I think the message would have been conveyed just as clearly with maybe a hockey field sized flag, but it had to be the size of the rugby field, methinks it has a lot to do with the Boks and that nuisance of the quota system. I doubt though that with three hundred residents of the Volkstad there would be too many possible options at coach and wing — we can safely accept that those positions are black, judging by the recent success of the current Boks.
On a serious note though, what saddened me was seeing a young man to Euge’s right on the picture, who cannot be more than eighteen years old, looking defiantly into the camera, no doubt ready to pick up the struggle. The next generation, by the likes of Euge, is being schooled in the ways of non-integration and Afrikaner supremacy. That is sad to see and does not bode well for the future of the country and I do not say that in trying to dictate against freedom of association, I say that in warning that the next generation, listening to the rhetoric of their forbearers that is magically glorified and made revolutionary by time, may act in a manner that infringes on the rights of the rest of the citizens of this country who choose to live in a free and fair society where all of us are reasonably equal.
I think I should read more. It is enlightening and hugely entertaining, much better than the 7th Lane.
I rest,
The Sumo
P.S. Please note that this piece is clearly about poking fun at Afrikaner supremacists, not all Afrikaner people, I respect all Afrikaner people who deserve my respect. No one can excuse 7de Laan though.
Dude, I totally vouch for 7de Laan. I have a mild addiction. I even stole the 7de Laan street sign in Kommetjie for my flat (residents, you know who that guy was in ski shorts now – I’m sorry).
On a side note, my girlfriend is a meisiekind. Her dad is a cool, easy going guy, until a black person enters his vision, and then he becomes a stubborn pig, dick, tool.
So far I haven’t had the courage to do anything besides once when I said to him “You’re wrong” after a particular outburst. He stared me down, and then walked to his room asnd slammed the door. He’s a big guy, you see, with a gun, and a pencil mustache.
Thing is, I don’t know what to do, Sumo. I’m not a white liberal, I’ll be the first to admit that I got access to my education because of my parents wealth, which they had access to because they were part of a white economic system that made cheap resources and labour available in abundance. I just think people who hate people because they’re not their “kind” are idiots, and they’re missing out on meeting a lot of cool individuals.
I’m too afraid to confront my girlfriend’s father (and frighteningly, her eighteen year old brother, who is turning out just like him), but I guess one should start at home, with parents.
This comment is picking up where I left off in my last one…
Sumo, dude, I know I have all of this stuff (and it’s not a lot, but it’s a damn site more than oh, say 40 odd million other people in this country) because I was born into it. And i was born into a community with stuff, and access to resources.
I haven’t done anything to anyone directly to oppress them (at least not consciously and deliberately), I don’t like hurting people, but I have all of these things that other people don’t because of the generations before me.
How do I uncreate who I am and who I was born as?
The honest truth comes down to this (and, might I say, a lot of white people aren’t grabbing themselves by the balls and being honest): I have a privileged position, and I don’t want to give it up. It goes against my survival instinct. I’m not going to stand on people’s throats to advance my privilege, but I don’t want to let go of any part of it either. That’s honesty. I wasn’t part of apartheid, but apartheid is part of me.
So here is where I hand over the floor to someone else…Coz right now the mind is static…
S
Brilliant! Not sure whether to laugh or cry (not at your article)…..
Dude there are more important things to worry about than the AWB–not even the Nat’s took them seriously.
i think if people took time out to find out what the Afrikaaner youth are upto you would be plesantly surprised at how commited many of them are to SA and how driven they are to create opportunities. You will find that the AWB represents an insignificant fraction of Afrikaaners.
While &de Laan may not represent reality it does contribute in a small way to ideas of what is acceptable and normal. If you see programmign that portrays race as irrelevant in love then surely when it does happen in real life people are more willing to accept it as normal. So it wont mak it so but it will make it more normal when it is.
Hi Sumo,
I really liked your piece and found it rather witty. I also appreciate that you mention you’re poking fun at the supremacists. I’m an Afrikaner and a Blue Bulls supporter and (would like to think) that I share very little of the “traits” regularly describing both groups. So thanks for leaving me out if this one!
Just s hort note, SABC in Afrikaans is SAUK. Not that it makes all that much difference, just thought I should mention it.
That is why we need to discuss race and the issues around it NOW. We cannot ignore the underlying currents of ill feelings and hope the next generation will sort it out and all will be well then. Eugene’s teenage warrior and the young Malema’s are unfortunately opposites in terms of ideology and race but are exactly the same in terms of hardening of feelings against the other races if you look at young people’s outlooks, and I’m not just referring to so called extremists.
OK I am new to South Africa and trying to get into the culture here but constantly flummoxed by unexplained S’African references in the newspapers. Totally impenetrable to outsiders.
In this column, that would be:
Volkstad
volk [ok I can figure this one out....]
gevaar
SAEK
AWB
kortbroeks
And what the hell is 7de Laan? I can’t Google all strange terms but this one I must look up. Here goes… thank you, Wikipedia…. A soap opera set in Melville? How did I not know about this? Looks kind of dreadful.
Unrelated but by the way, Eskimos don’t really like being called that word. Try “Inuit.”
What has four legs and its prick keeps falling off?
Eugene TerreBlanche’s horse.
@ Jones
Volkstad – Afrikaner Homeland, think Israel
volk – People or Nation. Exactly the same as the german
gevaar – Danger. It is used, I assume, as in “swart gevaar” / “rooi gevaar”, a type of argument that attempts to create fear. Think McCarthyism.
SAEK – should be SAUK – Afrikaans abbreviation for South African Broadcasting Corporation
AWB – Afrikaner Weerstands Beweging which means Afrikane resistance movement. Extreme Afrikaner Nationalist organisation dressed up in the trappings of Nazi Germany. They have an extremely charismatic, and slightly idiotic, leader.
kortbroeks – short trousers. Kortbroek is also a derogatory name given to Marthinus van Schalkwyk.
And 7de isnt that bad if you want a slightly more realistic soapie (if you want a soapie at all) that occasionally deals with real social issues like street children, mixed relationships, crime and the effects of crime, etc. Everything, it seems, except gay people. It sometimes even deals with them well. My wife is addicted.
Teehee…
I have this theory about 7de Laan. It think its brilliant. Because its a soap. Because its a good soap.
Its supposed to be shitz – if its not, then it wouldn’t be a soapie. So because it is such a piece of crap, its very good, because its being a great soapie (they’re supposed to be crap).
Am I making sense?
Dear Sumo
I loved your column, and am grateful that I now know what caused the ominous spreading purple haze on my TV screen. I thought it was old age. Either way, as you indicate, it’s terminal.
7de Laan is a bit like reading Enid Blyton in the 1960s.(We had no TV until 1975) I’m 54 so I speak with authority on this. It was deeply despised by literati, educators and the authors of the Hardy Boys, Swallows and Amazons and Nancy Drew. And unlike 7de Laan it was racist, colonialist ad sexist (except for the tomboy George(ina)who was allowed to be adventurous in the Famous Five). As a kid I knew it was completely unrealistic, but escapist reading material has always had a function. Without it we would probably more stressed and unhappy than we already are.Imagine the 60s in the context of Grand Apartheid WITHOUT Enid.
The other reason that 7de laan is important is that it helps me enjoy the Afrikaans I was actively discouraged from learning or enjoying from the 1960s on- I remember chanting ‘Afrikaner vrot banana’ at the local Afrikaans primary school kids next door.
Ironically (or not) it was through working in Sophiatown/Triomf and Meadowlands on an oral history of forced removals (2002 onwards)that I met ‘totsitaal/kofifitaal and its many variations. What holds these ‘creoles’ together is Afrikaans. So it was now OK/PC to fall in love with the language.
sumo
You are right 300 guys in the boendoes does not represent the 3 000 000 left in South Africa.Yet we still have these groups trying to tell us how to think drink and act and only read the scope(naked mag with stars everywhere it matters)bible and volksblad. Yet here i am i got dela rey and Mendoza on my phone listening to my black and white colleagues, drinking in shebeens and buying beer there when the dopshop is closed trying to dance like a black dude(a very popular thing after a few BLACK labels) does this make me part of the new SA well i hope but. i don’t have black friends just English and Afrikaner although i am on good terms with my Zimbabwean neighbors. does that make me a racist? again i hope not? what do i do? Well easy live and let live act,respectfully and return respect but don’t take any ones crap.Cant everybody just forget the differences and see what we have in common: sport,drink,braai,hunger and a uncanny lust for Beyonce(oris that just me).Really get over it the whole race thing is like so last century.I did not kill apartheid but i was at the party after the funeral and its death wasn’t mourned.So let the sun shine the fire burn and the beers get cold we have a life to live. have a good one sumo
Brilliant. Keep them coming!
Here are a few interestinf facts: 92% of Afrikaners have black blood. That is why they are called ‘Afrikaners’ (which, in English, means Africans). ANd that is why English speaking white South Africans look down on them.
2nd: The work ‘k*ffir’ was origionally ‘kufr’ and used against whites by Arabs who thought that Christianity was a base form of idolatry and thought that whites were infidels but in SA certain Afrikaners co-opted the word and started using it against Africans. A British man wrote in The Guardian that African and colored South Africans were very kind and overprotective of him when he was in the townships (especially because they felt his whiteness might draw unwanted attention) but that in Pakistan, the Pakistanis swore at him and called him a ‘kufr’(infidel/heathen/non-believer etc.) even though he is as white as snow with blue eyes.
Someone needs to tell those AWB protestors to honor their black ancestors, instead of hating blacks.
That does not make them less white, however, only white with black blood.
I do not condone the action of Eugene Terre’Blanche. But it comes as little surprise that some of the disaffected Afrikaner youth have joined his cause. You need only look around Cape Town, Johannesburg, Pretoria and elsewhere to see the hordes of destitute Afrikaner families. The situation for many Afrikaners is desperate.
The Afrikaner youth are not part of an ‘equal’ and ‘free and fair’ society. They are actively discriminated against. The warped ANC logic dictates that a black candidate from a wealthy background should still get AA priority over a white candidate from a working class background. This mentality even reigns in education, whereby white candidates are expected to get sky-high results to study medicine.
I have no issue with Orania, it strike me more as a cultural outpost rather than bastion of neo-nazis. The town is so small it makes little impact on South Africa. Thus I would have no issue with Zulu, Xhosa and such towns if proposed.
I would also suppose that the AWB has much reduced aims compared to those it harboured in the 80s. The level of the ‘threat’ is poses to SA society has probably been overplayed in the media.
Excellent article Sumo-san. I for one thought SAEK was a wee sly jibe at the way the letter “U” is pronounced in Afrikaans. Nice.
Phillipa, you’ve got the process of the adoption of the word “Kaffir” slightly wrong.
You are right that “Kaffir” is descended from the route word, “Kufr”, meaning infidel in Arabic. And you are again right in saying that it was used on British soldiers in a British colonial context, as the reach of the empire moved beyond Kashmir and Afghanistan, into what was then the Eastern portion of “Hindustan”. Interestingly, it was also applied to British soldiers in East Africa by Arab traders.
BRITISH soldiers first appropriated the word for their own use, subverting the context and re-applying it. They destroyed the power of the word (against them) by appropriating it as their own, and then delivering it with the same venom on, in particular, black South Africans.
Afrikaners then appropriated the word for themselves, incorporating it into their own racist framework, as the British had done.
And on a side not, Afrikaners are not named “Afrikaner” as a reference to black African heritage. They applied the term to themselves, and that would be in contradiction to white supremacist ideology, of which the “purity” of white blood was a fulcrum premise. They termed themselves “Afrikaner” because they were formed and galvanised as a single collective on African soil. Afrikaners don’t come from Europe, they come from Africa. Their descendents come from Europe and Africa.
Hope that clears up the subtle differences.
Cheers
S
I think you were meaning VolkSTAAT and not Volkstad. Which refers to Nation STATE and not city.
Lekker funny piece Sumo – thanks for cheering up my morning!
“I had watched it with my Afrikaner girlfriend once. I was forced to watch it, otherwise later on she wouldn’t do that “Top Deck” thing I liked so much …”
QETHU!!
Slimjim, thank you. I agree with you enirely on this. i just wish more people had read this blog.
So, we agree that the ‘purity’ of whiteAfrikaner blood is a myth because they most of them have black ancestors. No?
When the Dutch settlers of the 1600′s came here, the ratio of European men to women were something like 250 / 100.
You do the math
Nice one Sumo.
It’s great to see that we still have our sense of humour. PS. 7de Laan is so bad, it’s cool. Mind you, I learnt more Afrikaans watching 7de Laan than I ever did from my Afrikaans teacher.
Ps.
But like “G” I have to wonder why the AWB still generates so much fear. Personally, I don’t get nervous every time I see a few Zulu guys brandishing a few traditional weapons. Surely Inkatha and KwaZulu-Natal is much more relevant in SA today than the AWB and Orania.
@Philipa & Slimjim
Sorry to be pedantic, but I need to correct you both. Slimjim, perhaps you meant to say their “ancestors” came from Europe and Africa. But you (both) left out Asia. Due to slavery, the average Afrikaner has a significant amount of Asian (esp. Indian) heritage, even more so than African. A lot of research has been done in this field.
To me, it is this triple-heritage that makes us Afrikaners uniquely South-African. Where else has three different races, cultures and continents collided and fused to create a new entity (which I hesitate to call a nation). And I am using the term Afrikaner loosely, as coloureds have a similar heritage.
The first know use of the term “Africaander” by a European was in 1707, in protest against the authorities, by a Hendrik Biebow (who had a mixed-race half-sister). Apparently he ended up shipwrecked in Australia after being banished from the Cape. Seriously. (ref Gioliomee, “Afrikaners”). Prior to this event, “Afrikaner” was applied to the offspring of “indigenous people, slaves, and free blacks.
Anyway, Biebow (himself from German/Dutch descent) shouted in Dutch “I shall not leave, I am an Afrikaander, even if the magistrate beats me to death or puts me in jail. I shall not, nor will be silent”. Sounding like a well-know stubborn attitude?
@ Chris in Aus
Slimjim meant to say a lot of Afrikaner descendants are going to Europe and (other parts of) Africa..
@ Chris in Aus
Where do you see Zulus brandishing traditional weapons in Aus?