In the olden days when men were still allowed to sport handlebar moustaches and the children of Inkosi uSenzangakhona reigned over the lands of their forefathers, life was so much simpler. Anyone who spoke your language was your friend, and everyone else was the enemy. If a chap walked up to you and said, “Molo, mfo ndini!” you would be perfectly within your rights if you clubbed him to death. The ways of your father would be your ways, which in turn would become your children’s ways and so forth. But then things changed. The coconut was invented.
If you’re reading this from somewhere in Arizona, you may not realise that I am not in fact talking of that hard brown thing with the milky core that people harvest from palm trees in Mozambique. Rather, I’m referring to the curious trait that certain black young people portray, that of being white on the inside (and I don’t mean like fish). I concede that the term “coconut” is a bit silly. It smacks of laziness on the part of the name-giver, if you ask me. However, having given the matter some thought, I’ve come to realise that coconut may be the most acceptable term for this phenomenon. If we start fishing around for alternatives, we may end up with something we couldn’t possibly live with. After-8, for example (that dark chocolate with the soft, minty white centre). Or potato.
Being coconut is not easy. It’s an incredibly treacherous path that one must tread with the utmost care. It’s not merely a matter of having the twang and the white friends. And having a rudimentary grasp of the English language certainly doesn’t qualify you to become a coconut. Julius Malema for example, doesn’t make the cut. No, you have to go the length with coconutism. But you can’t overdo it. There is such a thing as going too far with the coconut thing. Take me, for example. I support the Sharks and I support Arsenal FC. But then I cut back a bit by supporting Kaiser Chiefs, always conveniently after their only win all season. I enjoy seafood platters, French salad and lasagne. But then I restore the balance by occasionally partaking of ikota (a quarter loaf of white bread) and polony. Sometimes, to really make it up to the African side of things, I’ll have igwinya elinomkhuba phakathi (vetkoek with mince). A couple of weeks ago I spent my Saturday tramping about in the Tugela Valley, speaking vintage Zulu and eating muddy vegetables. Recharging the Africanism batteries, if you will. Restoring the balance. It’s never a good idea to let the coconut thing run amok, lest one finds oneself naming one’s coconut offspring Colin or Agatha …
Honestly, coconuthood is so tough, I’m surprised they haven’t legislated it yet. After all, isn’t that how we solve problems in this country — by parliamentary bill?
I think parliament would spare us coconuts a lot of trouble by drafting a Coconut Act, forming a Department of Coconutism and appointing a Minister of Coconuts. This department wouldn’t just hand out coconut licences willy-nilly, as if they were jars of atchar at a Mamelodi stokvel. You’d have to earn your licence and ranking. “You know who Jethro Tull is? Wow, that’s level 1 coconutism. You also have a working knowledge of the Irish bog stomp? No, I’m afraid that’s going too far. A bit too white for our liking. Minus two coconut points for you … ”
I hope that I get consulted when that Coconut Act is drafted. There are several things which I would love to include in the limitations clause. Under no circumstances would a coconut be allowed to wear skinny jeans, say deter-mine or wear kortbroeke, for example. And coconuts would never, ever be allowed to go streaking. In fact, I think I’ll go ahead and draft the bill myself. I’ll accept your submission if you, as a black person, can prove that at some point in your life you’ve said the words, “Kiff oke”.
Very good. Do you know that coconuts are so good for you? So too the human ones. They question, they prod, they articulate, they are individuals etc……… Be proud of being a coconut. The way the ANCYL are going, coconuts are going to be the majority in this country in the near future. Anybody against is either racist or a coconut. So Malema and his ilk we be in the minority. The country will be ruled by racist and coconuts!!!
Lekker post. Maybe cocnut is no good anymore, maybe it should be “halvies” Now why do I, as a whitey, feel myself warming to the words? Because you are trying to meet me halfway (halvies) Now Ju-Ju is not trying that at all. To me it seems he wants to go back the other way. There is no future in going backwards. No future in SA if Ju-Ju gets his way.
Halfway will work, backwards not.
I hate to say it, but using “willy-nilly” has dropped your coconut rating through the floor.
If one works hard in school and try to make something out of one self there shouldn’t be a stigma attached to that person? Oprah was asked if having a of money made her feel guilty and she said no because this way I can help someone else. The discussion about people being called a coconut is to me a stupid discussion. There will be those that will work hard in school to learn and make something out of their life and there will be some people who will not. I have seen this happen with two brothers and sisters and one went one way and one went the other way. There will be those who will work hard and save their and invest it properly and there are those who will throw every penny away.
Brilliant.
What’s the opposite of a coconut? Or does that not exist? I’m sure it must.
you have said nothing. I read with interest thinking you will finally get somewhere…only to brag of being a coconut. what a waste of my time
Thanks for putting a smile on my dial Sipho. This is the funniest blog I’ve read in ages.
PS: Have you ever thought about doing stand up comedy?
This is such a kif article bru, It brought back so many memories from school days. I love it when people don’t take them selves too seriously on this site. Thanks my china!
enjoyed this.
Ha ha ha. Nice piece.
KaiSer Chiefs is the band from Leeds, in England , they sing that Ruby song. The “glamour” boys are known as KaiZer Chiefs. I was starting to worry about you – but the “igwinya elinomkhuba phakathi” brought you back to the dark side.
Good job
Nah, coconuts end up being the most bitter group of South Africans, they spend their early school years meeting white South Africans more than half way only to wake up one day and realise that they are not being met even a quarter of the way. They realise that white South Africans expect them to accodomate them and their interests but in fact white people won’t do that for them.They realise the insult of being preferred over other black people because of their willingness to accomodate white/Euro cultural sensibilities. They realise that their acceptance by white people cost them self-love and their identity. Most coconuts I know upon realsing this become exceedingly bitter, angry at their former and current idolisation of white people, embarrassed that they never believed themselves, their culture, their family or commuity’s realities worthy of being accomodated too by white people. They wonder what it would be like if white people would speak Zulu when speaking to them,discuss the happenings of say, Jika Majika or whatever, not look down on almost all their cultural practices. There is a lot that is taken for granted about just how much self-love is lost in being a coconut. I see this bitterness begin once they start working, and I see the process happening with my little brother and friends in High School.
How about just being called a intelligent human, nothing worse than being labelled by someone. At the end of the day its never really about race, but class, those at the bottom will always have names for those at the top of their game, and vice-versa. People like malema are indicative of their low level of intelligence and resort to calling people names and being violent, he’s just a coward that doesn’t really have a struggle to fight for.
eh coconuts are not necessairly intelligent or hardworking, as I understand it, it’s usually just an indication of class which will influence your accent and your knowledge of the “white” world because this world tends to only be accessible to people with a bit of money. I’m not sure why a correlation is being made between ones knowledge or access to white culture with intellect and hard work.
hilarious!
i have been a bit dissapointed with the standard on thoughtleader of late but this is excellent. looking forward to your next post.
Nought bru or Aikhoa Mfethu!, i’m tired of coconuts, oreos for the darker variant, banana’s and potatoes for the Asian/Indian variant etc! This phenomenon is not unique to SA- a french friend who hails from Mali now living in Nice mentioned to me that fellow “african” french call him a “baci”!
But we browns, socially mobile in a white mans world, need to reflect and foster a sense of browness thats stays true to the roots and not blindly adopt. And having said that having your jeans loose, wearing fubu and blasting 2-pac is as alien to us as Thabo Mbekis pipe and TS elliot! Bring your zulu-ness, xhosa-ness, pedi-ness, coloured-ness, malay-ness, indian-ness into the suburb, to the rugby, to the cafe, to the bow-tie event.
Why is it that we as Africans continue this practise of self hatred? We are self demeaning and constantly find the need to ingratiate ourselves into the popular class through popular speak. When we speak about ourselves we must speak from testimony about our self pride and our own self love. This is where this thing comes in when we say the house-nigger loves the master more than he loves himself. Maybe the time has come for this type of reflection and introspection. It becomes senseless to waste our time searching when we need to engage around the principle of definition. The principle of definition of how we identify ourselves. We should stop this demeaning way of self identification by adopting this apologetic process. Who are you apologising to? This hegemony that you are seeking, is it a mass hegemony that many people speak to? Is there no new description that you can use to describe human beings. A description as fruit or anything along those lines is dehumanising. Lets have a conversation of how we have progressed from one class to another. BEcause that is all it is. Unapologetic.You live a country with capitalist ideals. Lets ask ourselves what different strands holds us together. A step forward is to understand the theory of class consciousness because that ultimately is your hidden argument. But what you have done is perpetuate self-hatred as if it is valid and acceptable. It isnt!
@Sipho
Funny blog, and well written. You have put a smile on my face. Nice to be able not to take all the race stuff too seriously – and actually enjoy a blog.
Btw, the Arizona equivalent of a Coconut is called an Oreo Cookie. It is a chocolate cookie sandwich with a white cream filling. Not sure if you get them in South Africa, but you get the picture.
@David
I’ve tried to figure out an opposite to Coconut (or Oreo Cookie) as well. The best I could come up with was Coconut Ball. Imagine a chocolate frikkadel covered in coconut. Not brilliant, but more PC than a k*****boetie. Any suggestions?
@ Diti, Leo, DylanG
Yawn!! ZZzz..
Great blog, it makes one think…I am not ashamed I speak better English than most including the English, I am not ashamed that I am a young educated black man who was labelled a coconut…but its life and we will be in the majority in the future and Juju and them must watch out because we are going to take over the ANCYL bro
i have 2 agree with dylang&fergie.most of all Diti-ive experienced that in my personal life(altho i have to say i dislike the term “Coconut” as its come 2 b defined by the realisations u mentioned)&iv also started seeing it with my younger brother&sister.theyre quite young,entering the working market,&the reality theyre finding is turning them into bitter individuals,&there’s nothing for me to do/say to them other than,”yeh man thats how it is,but remember: f*&k labels.dnt b put in a box”-anything else,is a pathetic feeble justification of a limiting,derogatory label.i cant tell them 2 ignore it,cos it shouldnt b ignored,&they certainly shouldnt embrace it.so in their helplessness, u know what ends up happening?they find themselves making sense of Malema.& that is a freakin scary thought.but think about it:to them,this “coconut” classification,means u need 2 lose ur entire identity,&conform.sipho,i see the humour ur trying 2 impart here,bt jo, understand these sorts of labels perpetuate hate& a harsh selfcriticism(especially amongst those who only get the label bcos they can operate in the “White” industry with minimal effort,despite being deeply entrenched in their culture)that ultimately leads 2 rejection of anything NOT their own culture.
Sipho, that was great! Do it again and again and again…
Leo, go pee on your own battery…
Diti: get a life or go back to the kraal to share your ire…
Breton, couldn’t agree more…
Kitty Kat, how over-analytical is it possible to get? (No, don’t tell me).
Smile, everyone; it’s almost Friday and at least that’s the one thing most of us love!
If we are to have Coconuts then by default we should also have the converse. Why should it be that the majority in a country should bend over backwards to accomodate their adopted settler friends. The settlers should adopt the majority’s way of life and language, it is only fair that they do.
Blackman decolonise your mind, none but yourself can liberate you from your perceived dogmas!
“willy-nilly” dates you – it belongs to my stone age generation.
Take heart – looking down on others is “snobbery.”
The Brits made us “colonials,” “crude speakers,” with accents, feel inferior with our “not so hot potato” dialect. As an East Capey I have a flat vowel accent.
In the 30′s we had “elocution” (speech) with mirrors to show a round O mouth. “How now brown cow.” Try to say it fast with a round mouth.
Ja nee, us English speakers were “beyond the pale” and “snubbed.”
To be a ‘poor’ English speaker meant that you were “”uneducated, common and low class.”
Our retaliation was “and you Poms stink like stink feet !”
They did too – those days ,they did not bath every day, in our heat.
I am a South African, mixed ancestry and very proud of it.
I have no where else to go to and will be buried in my sweet smelling African soil.
Sipho – whites have a problem too. We do not know how to converse without sounding patronising. Sarcasm, irony are not meant to harm just to tease.
BUT – I find the younger whites without manners and discourteous.
Am I a “coconut?” Or a MISFIT expecting polite verbal exchanges.
Or just damn “ou tyds” time; to die like Kader.
Me and my family have worked and lived in many different countries. Among others in Ghana. At school my children (white) were often a racial minority. In Ghana the joke was made that my son was a “wigger” i.e. “a wanna be nigger”. Would that qualify as opposite of coconut?
In my opinion I wouldn’t find any offence to it, really. Everyone has a right to their opinion and some pass judgment not knowing what it truly is like living the way you do. Am sure we’ve all passed judgment about people and made generalizations or even found a category to file them in due to societal norms hence I’m not sure why predictably so that people would take offence to this article. Substantiating your identity is playing into the whole notion that coconut does exist, anyway i’ve never really understood why african children, who speak english fluently, and were exposed to suburbian upbringing, went to good schools (i don’t like the term model c, because where does that put the others that went to private schools?)why they have to be persecuted for the choices their parents made to bring them up in those surroundings.
This is also the same as hating an african brother or sister for being success, and now you have to look at their background and start using that as a reason why they are successful. Life has never been fair no matter what racial gropup you are or which education you got, it is a jungle out there and when we start labelling people like this, we lose the focus on the game and start a different discourse. Careful by publishing such articles that you don’t create a generation which will make excuses for failure at every turn.
what coconut ball said.
if you had actually ever *been* to arizona [or anywhere else in the united states], you would know that the word is oreo. “cosby kid” is also acceptable. besides, there aren’t even that many black people in arizona anyway. but whatevs.
but not so much in canada, because in the caribbean the word is also coconut. [we have coconuts in the caribbean, too, and most blacks in canada are 1-3 generations out of the caribbean and go there on a fairly regular basis.]
Blackbravo, using a computer and writing in English, so very coconuttish. It is something that belong to the settlers’ ancestors. Burn it immediately. You are a funny person.
I might come to you as a surprise that the word coconut is used in States already, with the similar meaning, according to Wikipedia, if you search “list of ethnic slurs. Anyway, what do we call those whites that love hiphop and call each other nigger? Rather, whats pink/white outside and brown or black in the inside?
Sipho…
can you tell me why so many black/coloured woman with curly hair relax their hair?
Why are there so many blacks picking up white English accents and not many white fold picking up indigenous accents?
you might find it funny but us black people are so damm colonized and we don’t even know it!
fine go to the ‘traditional’ areas and indulge in traditional practice from time to time but your and our indigenous cultures have been mostly destroyed…we have to face that…thats why we have coconuts, BECAUSE OUR CULTURES WERE DESTROYED…never forget that ‘chap’….its explains all this ‘coco’ stories very easily.
dont get me wrong, i dont advocate a ‘return’ to any idea of some sort of ‘historical’ tradition and culture…all im saying is stop blindly accepting the status quo and use your damm brain to suss out the historical forces at play!
stop teaching your children to roll their RR’s when they are learning to read!!
Stop them from visiting their friends in leafy suburbs when their friends in fact never make it to your neighborhoods (assuming you not in the leafy suburb)!!
Tell them about the history of your ancestors and emphasize the fact that you actually have one!
…coconuts arent necessarily bad, what makes them bad though is that they migrate to whiteness but where are the migrates adopting our isms and scisms?…they do not, not at all..its called CULTURAL HEGEMONY
you &manyother blackfolk arevictims ofculturalhegemony
MLH, I’m not sure what kraals have to do with this. I am one of those people often referred to as a coconut, I am merely reflecting on the emotions most of us termed coconuts go through. I’m also trying to point out that even while we may be coconuts in our youth one tends to grow out of it.
“It is sad that self-appointed spokespeople for blackness in this country, especially coconuts, can take it upon themselves to be bold and feisty by pulling down authentic black people. ” Sandile Memela, in his post titled ”
“Dear Coconuts, there are no black racists”
What both races in the coconut debate seem to miss is that many of these individuals have inherited the best of both cultures. They often become chameleons, changing their KULTUUR to suit their situation. But this debate in South Africa isn’t new, from 1900, Afrikaaners who were too “English” were targeted by their society and even their church.. From the 1960’s whites who were too interested in black people were “kaffirboeties”.
A month ago, I met an Ugandan coconut (I bet you didn’t know they grew there), a first class Oxford chap you know! He had a pithy comment on becoming a coconut. “As your country (SA) continues to fail, those who can fit into other cultures will emigrate, just as they have done throughout Africa. These are the only African people of my generation who will flourish”. Eina!
I am amused by Siphiwo Siphiwo’s simplicity and complete lack of reasoning skills as he tells us there is no racism among blacks then quotes Malema – “Dear Coconuts, there are no black racists”.
- How can there be coconuts if there isn’t any racism?
Sipho – Siphiwo’s comment do much more to underscore your blog than anything us whites can write. Great blog, great responses.
Man, I laughed and I laughed.
So, what is the term for us Afrikaans ous who have more black friends than white, (so far) only have dated black women, eat igwinya and, you guessed it, chicken polony in our lunch breaks, and who try to gooi some laughable Zulu every now and then? I’m not prepared to settle for a “black on the inside” Trollipism. Simply because I don’t believe I am “black on the inside”. A reverse-coconut perhaps? White chocolate with a coffee filling?
Even though this was written in jest (and in truth), the way some people go on as if cultural identity, or even worse, racial identity, is the be all and end all of their existence, is scary. I really do believe that cultural identity is very complex and fluid if you look at the milieu of interaction in which you find yourself.
I am a teacher in a rural town and the “only one of my kind”. It is liberating to realise that the Afrikaner-part of my identity isn’t needed to survive or do my work. But then, when I go home, I do partake in “reloading” activities, so it is hard to abandon a facet of an identity, nor necessary, probably. I even watched rugby the other day.
Racial identity is, for me at least, a totally useless construct.
Thanks for the laughs.
Hahaha I am white and I don’t know who Jethro Tull is, what does that make me?
I beleive the opposite of a coconut is a litchi.
@milly vanilly – Not quite. They’re both the same thing….
I’m not sure about coconut ball. Not instantly recognisable (without the explanation above, I didn’t know what a coconut ball was)…
LOL! Luvvit! But hey, since when are all white people just English? There are Germans, Spanish, Italians, Swedes etc etc…
As for those of you with large sticks up your retentive arses, lighten up for goodness’ sake and have a laugh at yourselves!!
Yes a litchi has a Western protective skin, that when taken off reveals it white with an African spirit
I hate Jika Majika. It’s a cheap version of the American programme it suceeded much like Tokyo’s The Apprentice and our verion of Hillfiger’s The Cut. I for one watch SABC 3 as I find SABC 1 which is unashamedly aimed at us black people a serious exercise in mis-education. I love Muvhango with a serious passion quit Generations long time back as well as used Isidingo (no direction) fast approaching The Bold and Days. The Young and Restless was always good even with Afrikaans. I also happen to miss the afternoon classical hit parade on SAFM. I miss Ike Phaahla and Tim Modise not on SAFM but on Metro FM which has been short changed by transformation. I also miss Martin Locke on TV and those cricket presenters and commentators we used to have, white though they are.
SABC 1 I hate with a passion even rivalling what some American dude called Black Embarassment Television. Even the commercials on SABC are just the same with the fare that’s served. The movies advertised with a passion are always violent. I do not know why SABC (ANC) in their cultural hegemony stereo type their black audience from music, programming, movies, celebrity culture promotion right through to the stupid soccer overkill.
To all self hating blacks (coconuts) out there, proud blacks don’t call you coconuts because of your fluency in the English language. It is because of the hatred you display to all aspects of your own culture and the total assimilation of all aspects of the white man’s culture. The annoying fake accent also adds to this. Going all out to please whites with zero reciprocation from them and total ignorance of the obvious prejudices that your white friends still display towards your race. How can you smile when you are told over and over again after their gaffes that you are an exception. You will be shocked if you find out what your ‘friends’ preach about black people when they are alone with their families.
dude, you are the man. THis was a good read, very refreshing.
Diti, very valid points, I hope the whites among us can grasp what you say and take try and amke sure that thier kids try and become “halvies”. My six year old daughter has started appreciating that she is not being met halfway. I wish she did not have to harden her attitude as I have been forced to. And yes, my self love is on the rise.
In the past I used to try and mingle, spread the black faces about in a predominantly white event. Now I just do not try that, I just talk to the nearest black brother…my attitude is simply that whites must now try…go figure
@Sipho, Broel i think yu part of the so called lost generation. To put it in Arristocratic terms you are suffering from the “crises of identity”. Allien idealogy is killing yu man. you assume that you better because yu happened to fluent in the foreign language. Prof. Ngugi Wa Thionga observed that “language is not the measure of intelligence”. this is the mistake that you and other coconuts are sharing. so you need to “decolonise your mind”. be proud of who you are,of your cultures and indigenious languages. you seem to be hard at work potraying yourself as someone better than those whom are not fluent in the Queen’s language. i came across with lot of coconuts and most of them are just intellectually bencrupt and fluent in english_nothing more reasonable coming from thier mouth. and Sipho yu just displayed your ignorance and limited knowledge. i hope that someday you someone will come and rescue you from this “cave of ignorance and set yourself at liberty” (Socrates). Sorry guys for breaking the language of the queen into peices_after all its not my mother tongue, niether an African language.
@milly vanilly
a litchi is black inside, white in the middle and brown on the inside. Hmmm…. I think I need to start calling myself a litchi. It comes closer to the truth than a coconut does.
Interesting article Sipho, and I agree that we should be proud of the fact that we have a good education, that we are articulate, etc etc, but what I do not agree with is when so called Coconuts look down on the people that have not had the opportunities we have had. I cannot embrace a name that implies that I think that I am better than my black South Africans just because I had the opportunity to go to a private school, go to fancy restaurants and have white friends. I think that it is taking us a few steps backwards by saying we are better due to to our likeness to white people. In the end I struggled as did some people, to see the point of the blog.
mphoR:most ppl who use the phrase,most times dnt even know the ppl theyre referring 2 as coconuts.theyve usually only been availed to their pronounciation of the english language at least, and in my case, my work life at most.and the only way 2 arrive @ what u put as:”..It is because of the hatred you display to all aspects of your own culture and the total assimilation of all aspects of the white man’s culture..” can only be arrived @ through assumption.bravo:hehe,i quite enjoy jika majika.especially the gal that hosts….yoooh..!!all in all,the wheel always turns..
@ Sipho H
I feel particularly disappointed with the responses to your article. It seems as if many did not understand your wry humour or indeed get the notion that the ultimate form of democracy is to be who you want to be. Identity as a notion is fluid and ever changing and not without it idiosynchrasies. If one chooses to embrace or ignore elements of oneself, then so be it. That some choose a moral high ground and condemn others because they do not fit into an ‘absolute’ idea of what it is to be black is silly. The whole “Us vs Them” rhetoric is tired and counterproductive.
I love being a litchi. Others must take it or leave it.