I’m going to talk about “babe”. Not the movie or the attractive young woman, but the standard term of endearment amongst middle-class South Africans. It’s usually attached to greetings or questions. “Howzit babe” or “Babe, can you open this jar for me?” You hear it everywhere, usually in places like Montecasino or the Builders Warehouse in Fourways (although admittedly, there you will more likely hear “Babe, can we go now?”)
Ever since I was a student, I’ve been very aware of “babe” because pretty much everybody used it as a term of endearment for their significant others, and I never did. For me it was too familiar, too prosaic, too … normal. There’s so much social subtext wrapped up in calling somebody “babe” that I just can’t do it. It’s not who I am; I’d feel like I was trying to wear a scratchy tracksuit that didn’t fit properly. I suppose this is just (another) one of my issues, like my phobia about singing solo in front of an audience or my horror of peach fuzz.
In the mean time, “babe” is now used more widely than ever, and appears to be an essential ingredient in phatic speech: having little meaning within itself but serving an important social function. So women will use “babe” for both their male and female friends, though I think it’s fair to say that it’s still predominantly used by men as a sort of universal shorthand for all women on the planet ever. Just call them babe and you’ll never have to remember their names.
“Babe” can be applied to a man, provided of course the person using the word is a woman. No man would ever think of using it in that way. Other men are “boet”, “bru”, “china”, “dude”, “man” or “my man” — but never, ever “babe”.
I asked a few men whether they called women “babe” and got a variety of responses, most of them negative. It seems it’s something you either do or you don’t, and if you do use it, it implies a kind of casual confidence, especially if you use it for women other than your wife or girlfriend. It’s a word that is also indicative of a particular cultural orientation; after all, academic, intellectual types don’t go around saying “Howzit babe”. (Or at least, not that I’ve heard. They’re too busy deconstructing Ariel Dorfman’s Nelson Mandela lecture.)
Funnily enough, I liked it when my ex-boyfriend — he of the Hilux Double Cab, heavy metal and Long Island Iced Tea — called me “babe”, because it meant that I was a girlfriend like everyone else; it was an explicit acknowledgment of the familiarity between us. Also, it meant that miraculously, I was desirable and attractive enough to be called “babe” (even though that’s utterly illogical: presumably the partners of unattractive women also use the word). And yes, I was quite conscious of how it reminded me of the time at the beginning of second year when I sat during Orientation Week with a male friend who rated every single woman who passed as a “babe” or a “moose”.
I knew exactly which category I fitted into.
Being called babe by a boyfriend evoked an ordinariness that I found comforting. When I was “babe”, I was drawn into the logic of that rather flaccid cultural dynamic where success is measured by the size of the SUV in the garage of your cluster house. It’s a culture of beer (in green glass, note), Sunday braais and watching rugby on your 42-inch plasma screen. None of this existential crisis bullshit, none of this questioning of purpose or search for meaning, unless meaning lies in that line in your bank statement that records the size of your mortgage.
Which leads me to a question, in a roundabout and not necessarily entirely logical way. Does familiarity breed contempt, or contempt breed familiarity (the way people driving expensive cars call the petrol attendant “my man”)? The use of monikers that infer familiarity when in fact you aren’t close to someone is a subtle assumption of power and a way of putting the other in his or her place. Like the SMS I got from a contact who had somehow survived my last foray into internet dating and who, knowing that I was sick in bed, sent a message reading “Mwah how u feeling my babe”. That’s the sort of message I’d expect from a boyfriend, not somebody I haven’t actually met. He’s trying to nudge me into girlfriend territory without my consent, and I’m not happy about it. (As for “mwah”, that’s another essay on its own.) Since when am I anybody’s babe anyway? “Babe” after all is a truncated version of “baby”, which signifies not only nurturing and caring, but also weakness and helplessness.
I am probably over analysing this — of course I am over analysing this — but again and again I see how language is used to construct and maintain identity and power, and I am interested in this because we very rarely think about what we do. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say; most of us would rather veg in front of SA Idols than run off a quick critical discourse analysis of the content of what the okes discussed at Hooters.
But it is also true that people say all sorts of things without realising what they are actually communicating. Next time you hear an oke say “Howzit babe”, think about what that might mean.
I hate the term Babe. It is diminutive and far from complimentary.
I think this is too true. Noticed it on Seth Rotherham’s radio show where he calls all female callers ‘babe’ to kind of placate them, and certainly put them in their place.
Great article, we need more intelligent female writing like this online…
Nice post author. Funny, I thought ‘babe’ was Joburg thing? I never really heard it living in KZN or Cape Town, but hear it all time now that I live in Jozi.
being called babe by a man in a double cab isn’t something to be proud of.
I referred to my ex as “The Babe” (Capetonians will understand the capitals – used in the same way as they say “The Mountain”). Maybe a contributing factor to the “ex” part. What drives your argument home, though, is the common use of it compared to the the guy in the Beamer saying ‘my man’ to the pump attendant. Sort of makes you never want to use ‘babe’ again. But I’ll stick to my bakkie and will not respond to ‘doll’, even with a capital “D”.
I wouldn’t dream of calling any strange woman Babe, but will use it for very close friends on occassion, I think. Do I call anyone Babe? not even my wife I think
babe is one thing … but wait till *horror of horrors*, teenagers start calling you Auntie!
Spot on! The casual affectionate expressions become a lazy repetition devoid of originality, the receiver responding in equal superficiality. Language is our heritage to stimulate creatively — not dull the mind. Repeating the same old stroke interminably, silky pleasure at first, can become a grating rake.
I absolutely agree with Jen Thorpe.
We have names, and that is what people should call us.
I have no issue with terms like “sweety” from someone you know well, but “babe” or “baby” simply reduce people(mostly women)to children and make it sound as if we are not to be taken seriously.
My girlfriend (as in my girlfriend and not my girl friend) call each other babe, baby, honey, my sweet, darling, sexy, the list goes on, because we love each other, and so they are simply terms of endearment and neither of us feel, as Jennifer would, belittled by such terms, because we know they are used in love. However, if we did feel belittled or insulted we’d stop, period. Interesting bit of over-analysis there Sarah, and certainly food for thought babe… (lighten up Jennifer, you’re so serious for such a young lady)
Reason #3456*10^4567 for not living in Joburg.
Its an interesting point however if people who call other people babe are not really aware of what they are saying then they really don’t ‘mean’ anything at all… and when someone ‘in an expensive car’ calling people ‘my man’ can be seen as you say ..it could also just be a way that we south africans try to relate to each other and be friendly? I think analysing is healthy if you look it from all sides and not just a negative one. And perhaps the person smsing you likes you and wants you to know it and usually that is quite a nerve racking process, is ‘kicking it old school’ and keeping it simple.
great, thought provoking topic and article! Awaiting your next article impatiently.
Never been called ‘Babe’ and never hear it around. Must be a Gautie thing. Or possibly very gay. We might use ‘Doll!’ purely as a kuggel send-up.
But yes, you are definitely overanalysing, which makes you appear very girlie, girlie and dreadfully plastic. Surely there’s something more important you could write?
My son sms-es ‘Mwah!’ where I simply text an x. Why criticise? Sweat the important stuff!
I’m with you on the peach fuzz… *shivers*
I am very… careful about who I use the word babe to. For me it’s a flirtatious term only to be used on occasions where flirting is appropriate, and the connotations is decidedly along the lines of “you are attractive to me”.
There is nothing belittling about it and those women to whom I I would use it would generally have used it to me first.
Having said that – I want to comment on the familiarity thing. The concern about familiarity is a very British inherited. The native cultures of this country ARE familiar by nature. In Afrikaans we call EVERY older man Uncle and EVERY older women Auntie. We probably inherited it from black cultures but it’s a crucial part of the very nature of South African culture and it’s a sign of respect not contempt.
On the contrary, one of the great Afrikaans poets wrote (my translation) the when Uncle and Aunt become Mister and Misses all warmth is lost and human connection becomes “as cold as winter weather”.
I’m PROUD of South Africa’s culture of familiarity – it’s one of our better attributes and one well worth of being defended rather than even FURTHER eroded by foreign more formal cultures.
Hey Sarah, I only have your logo pic here to go on but with all the fun I enjoy from reading what you write to share with us, I’m sorry but you simply aint no moose. You shine with radiance, soul, joy and bubbling humour. What a gift. Y’all’s infectious. Babe!
Wife and I use the ‘babe’ word all the time, interspersed with other terms of endearment. Never on a stranger. Typical over-the-top Jo’burg..
I aggree with MLH: that “Dohl” is KZN’s “Babe” and is lazy familiarity rather than patronising
But men in corporates, estate agents or committees are prone to attempt dominance over other men by using the “paper rape” handshake – covering and pushing the other mans hand downward excessively firmly in a forced and submissive gesture. Other dominant tactics are gratuitous use of effusive fake grin greetings such as “Bill, my main maaan” etc. All very subtle, but in the Dale Carnegie handbook about how to win over and dominate in business.
Sarah dear, spare yourself all the angst and over- analysing. Just associate with a better class of male who is more intelligent and articulate. To get away from the Babe stuff you need to move away from the pig-trough level asap. Nudge, nudge – oink, oink if you know what I mean!
My wife is ‘babe’. Everyone else has a name. Even worse (to my ears at least) is the hideously patronising ‘my dear’.
Spoken English in the Johannesburg area has changed markedly. I’m still trying to figure out what happened to every vowel with the exception of ‘a’.
Sad for the Moose. Boozy Joey’s hasn’t chnaged one bit for years the shallow materialism, the braai chick mutates to Babe over 20 years. Dog mutates to Moose. There must be some kind of way out of tere Sarah….Contempt breeds familiarity is a good line stick to it i thinbk it might be original.
How about the universal adjective ‘AWESOME”?
note caps
you know…i’ve always had a problem with “babe”, and “chick” for reasons that it implied weak, helpless, vulnerable and needing protection – like a chick would. But then again, words take meaning that we put into them. But even with this in mind, i agree, i still prefer not to use words such as “babe” or “chick”.
I have been living in Spain for the last two years and have tried to learn the language as much as possible… A big difference in the language and culture is that (especially in the South) people have no problem to use affectionate words without the need to overanalyse it. Its typical to refer to your friends and family – whethere they are close or not -as guapa (beautiful) guapo (handsome) chica (girl) chiquilla/chicita/chicito (little girl/boy) niño/niña (child) … Its all just a way of being warmer with each other, there really are no intentions beyond that. I sometimes wish we as South Africans could let our guard down a bit and stop analysizing every compliment/name somebody gives us…
@Jennifer Thorpe – Why the need to feel that a term that is most of the time meant to be affectionate/complimentary as a form of belitlling – why not just accept it for what it is..?
LP – you’re wrong about that, entirely. I can see the argument with babe which is derived from baby but for “chick” it’s just not true and it implies nothing of the sort.
Chick is derived from chiquitita – which is spanish for “young woman”. That’s all it means – young woman, it implies nothing related to strength and has nothing to do with birds.
A lot of people of course don’t know this, and may then use it with the intention and implication you perceive of course, but the fault is with their understanding (and of course their horrible attitude) not with the word itself.