Once upon a time, dating across the so-called colour line was illegal in this country, and it was generally considered taboo everywhere else. Now, interracial dating is a growing global trend — there are plenty of interracial dating websites — and this is hardly surprising, given that many societies are liberalising and people have the opportunity to hook up with whoever floats their respective boats.
So, 16 years into democracy, how big a deal is dating someone of a different race? This website devoted to South African interracial dating exhorts visitors to “Defy the taboo”, so perhaps it is still a little iffy. I’m going to quote the blurb, not because it’s especially germane to the discussion at hand, but because it’s just so … bizarre.
“Here is South Africa we have the unique landscape of a divide land to test the sweeping challenges of change, here is where we take the step to find like minded men and woman who want to taste the divide of interracial barriers, meet them and discuss the next step to true sexual satisfaction and quench the thirst of sweeping love desire and sexual freedom”
Um, ja.
Back to my point. There are any number of celebrity mixed couples out there — Matthew and Sonia Booth for one — and based on my own observations, the number of mixed couples out there is growing. Yes, there are still certain shopping centres where people look at you sideways if you’re not the same approximate Plascon shade, and if you want to feel comfortable as part of a non-celebrity interracial couple in this country, it’s still best to doing your shopping in places like Rosebank Mall. But generally — and I speak from experience — it’s not something that attracts the kind of hostility it might have even 10 years ago.
My first foray into interracial dating was a while before that, with an Iranian — yes, I know Iranians are the original Aryans — who told me his family had made sure they’d be classified white before they moved here during the 80s. Then there was the Chinese South African engineer who used to squire me around the dazzling cosmopolitan urban playground that was Northgate Mall. Every now and then I would find myself alone, as he ducked off into the crowd in order to pretend that he wasn’t with me; he was terrified that he would be spotted with a white woman and word would get back to his family. Of course, being a limp-wristed liberal, I thought this was all terribly cool — I was a victim of prejudice! — and a fascinating counterpoint to the situation during apartheid. Somehow being regarded as racially untouchable made up for all the years I’d been one of the imperialist overlords, the ones with white tendencies.
Much more recently, I dated someone who happened to be Indian (his race wasn’t especially relevant; I liked him because he had a cat and could spell and was really, really clever. Also, importantly, he could do accents) and I can’t say I experienced much in the way of weird sideways looks. Culture is blurring so much today that in many respects he was much more like an Afrikaner than the stereotypical blue-light-under-the-car-an-all character portrayed by comedians; if anything, the major obstacle to be overcome was the fact that he drove a double cab, and I have hated double cabs and their drivers, on principle, for eons.
Which leads me to my next point. I sometimes wonder whether the gulf between English- and Afrikaans-speaking South Africans is wider than it is between individuals of different race groups. Having been married to someone who was half Afrikaans, half English (not just English-speaking, but English-English) — and who grew up in one of the most right-wing areas of the country — I can attest to the fact that the divide can be a big one. When you’re either a verraier or a bloody Dutchman, you don’t belong anywhere and you become very bitter. The cultural differences are often a lot bigger than we’d like to acknowledge: I’ve experienced a greater sense of alienation at a braai in Weltevreden Park where I happened to be the only rooinek than I ever did at the braai where I was the only white woman amongst a sizeable group of Indians.
So is race per se the barrier a lot of us probably — and secretly — think it is? Ja ja, family issues and prejudices and all that, but in my experience, the biggest impediments to successful relationships, outside the dynamic between the couple themselves, can be mundane as well as profound. Any incompatibility in one of these areas, and there will be problems:
Animals. People who love animals cannot be in relationships with people who don’t. It’s as simple as that. For me, it’s a case of Must Love Cats.
Alcohol. The importance of drinking culture should never be underestimated. I grew up in a family where alcohol consumption was always fairly limited, and I never witnessed drunken behaviour as a child. Subsequently, I’ve been in two relationships in which both my love interest and his family were able to ingest vast quantities of alcohol without apparent ill effect, and my inability to keep up (believe me, I tried, and failed miserably) marked me as someone who was fundamentally different. The family that drinks together stays together, I guess. On the other hand, I don’t think I’d want to be involved with a teetotaler either. Not being able to enjoy a bottle of wine over dinner with one’s other half is no fun at all.
Religion. Perhaps an obvious one, but not necessarily what you expect. For example, I’d probably find it harder to be in a relationship with a born-again Christian than someone who was nominally Jewish, Hindu or Muslim, if only because I would probably be moved to commit murder every time somebody informed me that he was Saved.
Music. Fundamentally incompatible tastes in music are a bigger deal than you might think. You don’t have to love the same stuff — but hating the stuff your other half loves is a problem.
Work. As in the hours you keep and whether your job defines you. If you can’t handle your other half working long hours or loving the office more than you, forget it. This has probably destroyed more relationships than any other factor except, possibly, money.
Politics and prejudices. I know of a marriage that ended for exactly this reason. Could you stay married to someone who disagreed fundamentally with you on pretty much everything, or who expressed views you found distasteful? Racism or homophobia is a massive turn-off for me.
There are probably a hundred more factors, but race isn’t the be all and end all that it once was. In the end, it’s not about quenching the thirst of sweeping love desire. It’s about whether you can both sit on the couch, watch David Attenborough DVDs, drink Milo — and be utterly content.
During the good times one can generally adapt and survive in any relationship. However, when the chips are down and the stress levels are up then the basics like cultural differencs can become very big obstacles. Personally, one should never marry outside ones culture as the odds are against the marriage surviving are generally too big.
“quench the thirst of sweeping love desire ” …Eish! Of course interracial dating is just like any other dating, but no need to mangle the English language so horribly in the process…
Great article Sarah.
I agree 100% about the gulf between Afrikaans- and English-speaking South Africans. Some things simply don’t mix, no matter how deeply the two people involved love each other.
Built-in belief systems, not just about who loves dogs or cats (love that – and I agree!!)can and do break marriages. So sad.
Nice one but I think not such a cool website indeed. These things are supposed to happen without publicity. People will fall in love as time goes. I don’t see this happening on a mass scale, at least not in my current generation and I am still under 30.
One observation I have made though is that if you are a white brother and you are into blacks women, you will find it easier to get them than it will be for a black guy who might fall for a white woman. For some reason I find that many a black women date across the colour line for the sake of reconciliation.(I have been with a white person etc), even if it was a one night stand they will say they dated that person.
And then there are my black brothers who just goes and date a white women for the sake of she is white not considering the looks. A brother who will date a black “Diva” and then go date some not so good looking woman of different race for the sake of I have dated across the colour line and not because she was what he wanted.
I for one have not yet met a white woman that I felt I might date, as she has to be a “Diva” and oh yes I am content with my woman and her “Booty”.
At last someone says what I’ve been too scared to say! When the Blue Bulls went to Soweto for the Super14, all anyone could talk about was the skin colour – for me, what was much more fascinating was the cultures that came together that day.
What sets us apart is not the colour of our skin, but our differences in culture.
It seems though no matter what opposites attract.
Yes, Sarah, you are 100% correct. I am a white South African and my (ex) husband is a black Zimbabwean. What drove us apart was not racial issues but fundamental differences between us as people. I am a morning person, bright and cheery at 5.00 in the morning, he is a party animal who can go for 2 days without sleep! I am a bit of a loner, my home is my retreat, I like to be alone whereas he is a social animal, friends and family would come and go day and night. I worry about money and tend to be cautious whereas he is very impulsive with money – both of us like the latest gadgets etc.. but he has no idea of saving money – every cent he earns, he blows on ‘stuff’. These are the kind of things that drove us apart not race or culture. The point being that people are people – we have to learn to transcend skin colour. If we had both been white or both been black, we still would have separated. Sitting on the couch, watching David Attenborough DVDs and sipping on Milo is my idea of heaven but would he his idea of hell…and that is not because he is black but because he simply isn’t into that.. My life lesson I learnt is that race and ‘looks’ are not important but compatibility and shared interests are vital in a relationship.
My oldest daughter told me recently that movies are the greatest relationship wipe out. She claims they create, through script devices and contrivances, a model impossible to emulate in reality and pollute all potential relationships, through odious comparason. So you could add that to your otherwise comprehensive catalogue
Interracial dating is wonderful for building bridges between communities, especially in a country as polarized as ours. Interracial marriages are especially beneficial towards creating beautiful and healthy offspring as opposed to in-breeding. Apartheid created an unnatural, unhealthy society that inadvertently encouraged in-breeding that still occurs in certain communities for social, economic and other crazy reasons.
Needless to say, love transcends all but interracial dating is definitely not for the faint of heart in our society.
Your article sounds like you’re plucking up courage to cast a wider net
Well, best of luck Sarah!
I’m indian, and have dated across the so-called colour line a few times. The worst comments and sideways stares I got was when I was dating a Xhosa guy – and these were always from indians! Young indian guys were the worst, with older women being pretty bad too. Oddly enough other black people would often smile at us
@Owen: Compromise is essential in any relationship, tolerant people from different backgrounds can still have a successful relationship as long each partner is willing to understand the others heritage.
Ja well, we’ve all heard the saying ‘puttu and oil don’t mix’ but I assure you lots of our racial intolerance was brought upon by our apartheid legacy. It’s taken us a long time to realise that barriers aren’t based on skin colour. We believed that Caucasians or Africans from one side of the world would automatically be suited to each other. As a so-called Coloured I was brought up in schools where any and everything that wasn’t distinctly white or black were thrown together in one melting pot. You heard words like ikhonamize, fenns and pums(ferns and palms),one fella & all -accompanied by the smell of coconut oil. And of course the usual slang or the very heavy Afrikaans accent of our mixed mates. My brother was teased as a white spook who’d amusingly choose to hang out with the darkest complexion mates he could find. Having had this exposure, I’m now about to get engaged to one of the most gracious white woman who’s incidentally German Jewish. The irony is that although she’s white, she thinks like any person of imprejudice without even the slightest concern for racial idiosyncrasies. I find her a most pleasant person to be with, we thoroughly enjoy literally hours together in the most pacific and stimulating company of each other. Sadly we’d never have met or got on so well if either of us were hooked on some racial fixation.
Great article. I agree mostly with the assessment of the impact of differences in tastes (pets, religion, sports taste in music, etc.). It’s not the skin colour that determines whether or not a relationship will last, it is the lack of commonalities in tastes and likes….People do not have to be the same – some differences are fine – but if these are way too deep; forget it, even if the skin colour and cultural backgrounds are seimilar!
Am still looking for a woman who does not talk so much-dont care what color.Ok Ok I compromise looking for a woman who can talk as much as she likes as lomg as I dont have to listen.iam not asking for too much am i
That constant chatter and natter- drives a man to drink-I will have a VB (Victorian bitter beer) thanks
I have the same experience
The question is if there is such a problem then
how can our legal practioners eg attorneys,adovocates,judges be objective in their
profession.
Here in Pretoria there are many businesses and
educational instituitions that use “christian based principles” to propagate essentially apartheid philosophies.
Sarah, the negative pressure on a relationship can also come from friends and family.For an example, as a black man when my black girlfriend sends me around, my black friends are most likely to say I’ve been fed “korobela”. If it’s a white girlfriend sending me around, my black friends would say it’s because of unequal power relation.
Thanks for all your responses. This is actually such a complex issue and I’ve barely scratched the surface. One obvious dealbreaker I forgot to mention: smoking. Maybe I’ll have to write a separate blog about that.
Really interesting take on an old issue, thanks.
Wow! Your blog proves that we can find prejudice wherever we want, if we’re prepared to dig for it. We are all allowed a few likes and dislikes. My son hates parsnips and smoking. I love both. I wouldn’t call him prejudiced and we both survive each other. I hate the sight of his room, but I only say something about once a week, before my household helper comes. I don’t call that prejudice; I simply tell him that expecting her to face his mess shows no respect for her and even less for himself. He loves cats and I’m allergic to them. He loves other peoples’ cats.
Some people who are vastly different manage to coexist very happily. I remember the son’s father telling me that Sundays would have to be rugby-watching days. I asked whether he’d ever read a good book.
I thought we’d all got past interracial dating. There’s a lot of it in this suburb and no one bothers to comment on it. The question is: does race prevent you from contemplating the possibility? Do friends across the ‘bar’ realise that you set limits on the friendship? If they needed a bed for a few nights, would you refuse it? Relationships begin thereafter, not before.
I’m too old to answer that because I no longer consider such close relationships, but I like friendly, interesting people and really couldn’t give a damn what colour they are…
Sarah a great article. Another important one – child raising compatibility. I could never have chosen a man who had been authotitive and old fashioned. I would argue that this is the single most important point over 30.
Sarah, a very complex issue indeed. By obvious deduction, the history of this country throws a great number of tricky “dynamics” into the debate but, being a former scholar of anthropology and sociology (with politics and psychology thrown into the mix!) it would suffice to say that different ethnic groups (I speak of even across the globe) have greatly differing norms and values, ideas of what is taboo/socially acceptable etc Here one could consider polygamy (or polygamist tendencies), religious beliefs, perceptions of “right” verse “wrong” etc
While most of us are inadvertantly ethnocentric, and dont understand cultural relativism – cultural differences are very real! (But perhaps not insurmountable!). Most relationships have serious challenges, but the complexities of cross-cultural relationships can be daunting when the “novelty phase” of the relationship is over! Having said this, I have no issues with them at all! And, after 16 years of marriage, I am eventually starting to actually enjoy my wife’s cats!!
I get the feeling that the English are actually standing in the way of true reconciliation – they are the problem, for sure.
The ‘dutchmen’ and other darkies actually do have a lot in common.
Intersting that research in America shows that among all racial groups women are less favourably inclined to interracial dating than are men. “Women of all races exhibit strong same race preferences, while men of no race exhibit a statistically significant same race preference.” http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/04/13/single-female-seeking-same-race-male/
Also. white men are more likely to get married to Asian women than Asian men white women and, paradoxically, black men are more likely to marry white women than white men black women. Here is an interesting article on why black women and Asian men in the US are vehemently opposed to interracial marriage: http://www.isteve.com/islovecolorblind.htm
I am Jewish and met my Hindu wife twelve years ago. Both of us are SA born. We have wonderful Hinjew children. The Jewish and SA Indian culture are incredibly similar. Both have high emphasis on educating their children and the household is headed by a nurturing father. It is these two things that make Jews and Hindus stand out as exceptional communities in each respective diaspora.
From a genetic perspective, there could be no better match, (but then we all brag about our kids), and for me, life is very very spicy.
My wife and I once remarked upon the fact that we do not notice that others notice us for our differences.
Having suggested that interracial dating isn’t a big deal anymore, I have to make the observation that there are definitely people who are uncomfortable with it. My ex boyfriend used to love doing the PDA thing at a particular coffee shop at Brightwater Commons in Randburg (yes, Randburg) because it pissed off some of the more conservative types who frequented it.
I agree with L. To embellish a bit on that, what’s also super-important is that you both either want or don’t want to have children. Happily married now for 11 years and blissfully child-free, I could never have married a man that wanted children: This is probably the most important thing to have in common with your life partner. Great article, Sarah!
@Sarah
Yes! that was a fun difference between cultures. My Xhosa ex-boyfriend would NEVER kiss me in public, holding hands was about the limit of his public affection. On the other hand, my current (French) boyfriend is completely scandalous. We dont get a second glance in France but in SA- wow do we get some stares! Pissing off conservative types makes it all the more fun!
Sarah
Interesting article. I am white and have been married to my Ugandan wife for 20 years. We met and married in Lesotho in 1990 and I am glad that we were living there rather than South Africa initially. On trips to Bloemfontein in the early 1990s, with our mixed-race kids, we were quite blatantly stared at, sometimes to the point of jaws visibly dropping!
Thankfully for us all, things have moved on and we are quite happy living in South Africa. I have to say that in my view it’s harder to deal with differences of social class rather than race. My wife is university educated, as am I, and so we find that we share similar cosmopolitan interests and the ability to talk and think about a range of subjects.
Im naturally attracted to and have more in common with my fellow black sisters than women from other races therefore i prefer to keep it in the family where im more likely to have a successful, long lasting relationship than outside.
It is quite a complex issue but we are living in a constantly evolving society. Out of the incompatibility areas you noted, it could be argued that quite a number of them are/were heavily influenced by race. Another interesting factor to consider is social classes. It certainly does seem like the poor and the rich are less likely to cross that divide – cross coupling within their classes, but the middle class is a different story.
This was funny, once you got to it, Sarah. I had a sweeping desire to coax the points out of you even when you said “my point is…”
I sometimes think declaring that you’re in a relationship with someone of a different colour (race is a social construct, not something scientists or geneticists adhere to) is just a way to get attention. If it excites you to tell people, then you will. If you love a person, because they are a person, you will introduce them by name. Even when they’re not there.
Great piece. However, you generalise about the gulf between English- and Afrikaans-speaking South Africans since you conveniently put all Afrikaans-speaking SA’s in the same group. Why?
In my experience (as an English-speaking South African!) Afrikaans-speaking SA’s belong to different sub-groups which are quite diverse.
From the very liberal ones who grew up in the supposed English suburbs to the khaki-clad conservative crowd at the other end. They’re miles apart, don’t sound the same and definitely do not identify with each other.
I have Afrikaans friends who absolutely cringe everytime they hear the term “Afrikaner” because they have absolutely no idea what it means yet are identified as such once they spell their last names. Yet some went to English private schools and can switch between English and Afrikaans with absolute ease but when they speak English, you’d never know they’re “Afrikaans”.
I completely disagree with Sue in the comments section. I’m not convinced that language alone automatically dictates some “built-in belief system”(??). Who you associate with and your own aspirations and upbringing help shape who you are.
Put an Afrikaans kid in Bishops and he’ll identify more with the English kids because that is what he knows.
Another fundamental difference that can seriously affect any relationship, is when one party wants kids and the other does not. Absolute dealbreaker right there. Most “maybes” are “yes” and “no” is “no”.
As my erstwhile friend Kim says, “a cat is a rodent with a good reputation”.
YMMV.
iam amazed when people talk about cultural differences.the only cultute i know is mutual respect.i am from uganda and have been very happily married for 20 year to a sotho woman.i am still looking for the cultural difference crap people talk about and have never found any.
@Sarah – yes, there are people who are VERY uncomfortable with interracial dating/relationships. When my ex and I married, none of his family/friends or mine would be witnesses at our (Dept of Home Affairs!) wedding ceremony. They claimed that they felt ‘uncomfortable’ about it and couldn’t we just live together – why take such a drastic step like marriage? When I fell pregnant, my father didn’t speak to me for over a year. My mother visited us but barely touched my son and couldn’t help being critical about everything – she brought such dissent into our household that my ex would leave before she came so they did not have to see each other. We endured a lot of staring and whispering and jealousy particularly from black women – they would ask my husband ‘what is wrong with us? why didn’t you marry a sista? why did you marry an umlungu? Incedibly hurtful stuff to be honest. Some older white men would look at us like they wanted to kill us but we also found acceptance from unexpected areas. The elderly lady who lived next door to us, the security guards at the complex we lived in, the strangers who would stop and chat and wish us luck. By far the most irritating however were the people who would look at my infant son sleeping in his pram and say, “Oh he is so cute, did you adopt him?’ We have such a long way to go..
Great article – took the blue out of my Monday! I have always had a thing for blondes. I put it down to my Roman Catholic Catechism – the constant bombardment of Angels with blond hair and blue eyes. When I had chance to marry a blonde Sloane Ranger during my “self-exile” days in London, I balked, not because the fantasy would become real but I could not imagine her doing her duty at “moketes” (feats). She could not either. It’s a cultural thing more than anything else. Still, I am happily married and my son (aged 11) & wife (of 12 years) know of my thing and think it’s hilarious. I find it hilarious that my son was born with a patch of blond hair on his forehead. My mother puts it down to some dodginess in the family tree….
Interesting topic. You conveniently jump from Iranian, to Chinese to Indian as examples of your cutting edge past. A similar “acceptability” has developed in the U.S. — some refer to this as “anything but black.” To move from your examples, without addressing Africans and then dismiss the centrality of race based on ethnic white differences, is problematic. The rhetorical shift is used often to obscure the continuing significance of race and racism.
“I sometimes wonder whether the gulf between English- and Afrikaans-speaking South Africans is wider than it is between individuals of different race groups.”
It is entirely possible, especially since the English and Afrikaners do, scientifically speaking, belong to different race groups. There isn’t such a thing as “the white race” or “the black race” though there are races that are more or less white or black or brown.
It is strange though that you perceive the cultural gap between English and Afrikaans to be larger than between English and any of the black or brown races, especially since the Afrikaner is the one white race that has most acculturated to African norms.
Is it possible that the difference has more to do with socio-economic class than culture? Keep in mind that the English have always constituted the bulk of the upper class in South Africa and with the advent of democracy has actively supported and even promoted the upward mobility of blacks. The latter have returned the favour by embracing the English language and its cultural dispositions. To be English-speaking in South Africa signifies that one belongs or aspires to belong to the ruling class. To be unapologetically Afrikaans is to be marked as an enemy of the establishment and thus of Anglos of every hue.
Amazing responses – Amanda, Philip and Ray especially – it is so inspiring when people follow their hearts and find love with people who happen to be of another race, and you guys are heroes! And it’s not easy with the prejudice out there. Guys, your stories have made my day.
I am a white Afrikaner man dating a Ndebele girl.
I decided to take her on holiday, 2 years ago, over Christmas to Loskop Dam.
I bought a tent but did not notice that is did not have side flaps when I bought it. Only realized it when I was putting it up. We spent 5 days sleeping exposed to all. Car headlamps kept on shining and lighting up the tent on passing.
My girlfriend was the only black visitor there and we got a lot of stares from mainly Afrikaner whit folk which was in the majority.
My car battery went flat one evening and I decided to go and ask some white folk for some assistance. I did not get a good welcoming and had to go around looking for someone willing to help.
It was even worse when I took her to the swimming pool. She had never been in so much water and I had to teach her how to get into the shallow end of the pool.
Anyway, one tries not to let the staring people get to one but it does get a bit uncomfortable. People blatantly stared and pointed at us when we walked about.
Luckily we were not harassed in any way.
I have shown my girlfriend a lot of things she has never experienced and her excitement is all the thanks I enjoy.
(race is a social construct, not something scientists or geneticists adhere to)
Scatterling, can you quote some of those geneticists you mention? Meanwhile, you can see what the others say at:
http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/abstract/319/5866/1100
@andre I liked your post. Relationships are about appreciating one and other. If you are not able to that it is not much of a relationship.
@ Robard (and Peter). I liked your post. Sarah (and most Afrikaners) forget that most Afrikaners are products of historical mixed marriages by definition. Before getting married, I dated across the Asian “colour-line”, and found the perception of my then partner’s family about “Europeans” rather interesting.
Today, many of my extended (Free-State Afrikaner) family-members are married across the “culture-line”. Eg my brother to a SA English-speaking Jewish lady, me to an Australian. I think for some Afrikaners, there may be less of a gap being married to an English-speaking foreigner, as opposed to an English-speaking South African, due to some of the socio-economic (jingoistic) factors you have mentioned.
There are also the historical factors. I don’t want to put words in his mouth, but I seem to remember the following anecdote from one of author André P. Brink’s novels. Paraphrased from memory: The English-SA lady criticised her Afrikaans-speaking colleague about the latter’s daughter dating a black man. The Afrikaans lady retorted that she would rather her daughter marry a black man than an Englishman. Reality?
Oh well, all water under the bridge now. Or is it?
@ André. I found in the USA people would stare and comment about mixed couples, whilst in Canada they seem to be accepted. Varying parts of the human condition.
@ Sarah. I don’t totally agree with your stereotyping, but agree that many issues are more fundamental than race, religion, culture.
@ Sue. Stereotyping = Bollocks.
Interesting article. I notice that no examples of black people are mentioned. Is this intentional?
Wow, it is so nice to see that others out there display good feelings towards interracial dating. Thank you Sarah for a very, very nice blog!
I am a white Afrikaner and have been dating an Indian guy for 5years – from the time we were sixteen. I come from the Free State, so some of my family members didnt like the idea very much, and we had to deal with isolation and fights many times – even now, although its better. People in the Free State are very biased and mostly still have the old apaartheid mindset. We often get stared at, although we are quite used to it by now. i dont understand what the big deal is. Afterall, we are all the same without skin, right? I am very happy and proud to say that we stuck through it all and remain best friends that are very much inlove.
i’m xhosa and would never date a man that is not xhosa.cultural differences are whether we want to admit it or not.there are things i can’t discuss with other cultures.infact xhosa man are cute and intelligent.
I love my engagement ring but it was a journey. Once we first started talking about getting married, my fiancé’s mother told him he may present me a engagement ring from his deceased grandmother, but he knew nothing about it. He told me, I presumed it was round, and got to looking at ways to set it. A few months later he realized it was a marquise, and when he informed me, I literally almost cried.