It’s often said, in one of the more glib truisms of the age, that everyone has a book in them.
Somehow, writing a book and seeing it published and available on the shelf seems to be one of those fundamental drivers of the human psyche. Maslow should have added another level to his hierarchy of needs, one immediately above the apex of the triangle: write a book. Self-actualisation taken to its logical conclusion.
To all of those people who want to write a book, my advice to all of you, without exception, is: don’t.
Step away from the laptop. Shut it down and open it up again. Let sleeping MacBooks lie. If the temptation to write overcomes you, rather phone a friend. Go to a movie. Clean out the fridge. Anything, absolutely anything, but spending time producing something that will never bring you anything but heartache and a gnawing sense of underachievement that will haunt you until your dying day.
Let’s say you ignore my advice and get down to writing anyway. You have an idea for a book in your head, and you feel compelled to get it on to paper. Furthermore, you don’t just talk about writing a book, you actually get down to it. You will then choose hunching over a keyboard over meeting with friends. You’ll be in a bad mood because the next chapter isn’t coming together the way you had planned in your head and you take it out on the people you meet for drinks at the Jolly. Your weekends of carefree leisure will become a distant memory. Every moment in which you are doing nothing is another moment in which you could be writing, but aren’t.
Writing is the loneliest thing in the world. The chances of success are minimal. And once you do decide to write, that somehow writing is a part of who you are, you will never again be able to walk into a bookstore without feeling like a complete and utter failure.
Let’s say that the loneliness of the long-distance writer doesn’t prompt you to throw in the towel. You persist in this thankless task.
Even if you do complete your manuscript, there’s every chance it might be totally crap and nobody will ever publish it.
Even if you do find a publisher, they’ll assign you an editor who will make changes that you hate.
Even if the manuscript is typeset and reaches book form, it won’t be marketed properly.
Even if your book is released, nobody will review it and so nobody will know about it.
Even if you have a book signing, nobody will show up and you’ll sit there with a terrible echoing hollow in the space once occupied by your sense of self.
Even if your book does get reviewed, and it is on the shelf, people won’t buy it, because people in South Africa don’t buy books, especially not books by South Africans.
Even if you do find your book on the shelf — finally — and watch as somebody looks at it and says, “I know the author!” and you offer to sign a copy for them, you will notice that when they get to the cashier, they won’t have a copy of your book with them, and you’ll stand there in awkward silence and pretend that everything is OK, even though you know you have wasted another year of your life writing something that nobody will read.
Let’s face it, your chances of writing an international best seller are somewhat less than the statistical likelihood of Robert Mugabe announcing his retirement and devoting himself henceforth to the organisation of cake sales to raise funds for the BNP. Success happens to other people. (If you lower your expectations and go local, remember that publishing for the South African market can only ever be a hobby. You can only do it if you have a day job; if I add up all the royalties I’ve earned for five books over the years, it amounts to less than two months’ net salary. From an economic point of view, writing makes no sense at all.)
So, if you want to write, don’t. Let it go. Realise that alluring though the idea might seem, it is not worth it. Trust me on this one. The only reason I do it is that it is a compulsion and I can’t help myself. I am quite literally addicted to writing, and I do it even though I know it is bad for me. If I had any real choice in the matter, I’d have long since taken up extreme knitting instead.
Thank God you wrote this! You have released me from the continually tormenting thought that I “should” be writing – if not a book, then something at least – anything! Just to get all the wonderful, funny, interesting and mysterious ideas out of my head and on to paper, where perhaps others might read them and identify with them. Now I can forget all about it, secure in the knowledge that I have been advised to do so by someone who is a self-admitted expert in failed book-writing. Why can’t more failures be so helpful? I owe you my future peace of mind! (But I have to wonder – In light of what you’ve said, why did you bother writing this?)
I’m not clear on the intent of this post of yours? Is it meant to be satirical? Just the lamenting of a failed writer? For every one genius there probably is ten thousand above average people, and above average gets you a hug, not the rockstar glammer of being one of the best, but should that discourage people from atleast attempting to sing infront of their mirrors with a hair brush? This post sort of just seems a self centred blurb rather than have any point to it, perhaps that’s what is not sticking you on the literary rock circuit. I hope people keep working on their ground breaking novels inbetween their double shifts and asking the banks for an extension, else we may be stuck with the mutterings of pretentious people as the only thing to read.
If that’s the way you do it, no wonder you find it heartbreaking. And BTW, it’s the author’s job to market the book, not the publisher’s.
“Let’s face it, your chances of writing an international best seller are…”
There are writers who become very wealthy and writers who become famous.
Mostly, however, writers write to satisfy their own egos. So do you: “The only reason I do it is because I can’t help myself”.
You therefore write for the same reasons that most other writers do.
The fact that you, or most other writers, do not become rich and famous doing it is neither here nor there. Becoming rich and famous would be nice, but it’s not why you do it. A bit like taking up golf.
Great piece, I loved it!
The “indian” in me feels compelled that I ought to write something, anything, only because next year is 150 years since my ancestors became local slaves, and so I was hoping that either searching for a complete family-tree or a satirical musing on my Indian-ness will become my claim to fame.
But after reading your article I am, once again, reminded that I should instead be writing the one thing that I cannot afford not to write – my long overdue thesis. At least that doesn’t require a publisher; just a happy supervisor and a MS Word editing.
I enjoy writing and have started writing my own book on ” Infinite Possibilities of Life”. Perhaps, your experience is transcibed as subjective and may not be true of everyone, provided one leads a balanced life. If you want to share some stories for my book I will be happy to incorporate in my book. Do not let the mind stagnate and share your wisdom and life’s experiences – we are facing a new dynamic generation and we do not want to lose what is precious memeory and skills.
Ashwin.K.Singh
Erm, well, as I make a reasonable living as a professional novelist (and I am mildly dyslexic and can’t spell
) I can say it is tough but not un-oable. Anyone who has this dream ought to at least try. But the answer bluntly is that SA is a hopeless spot to do so.
Actually, it isn’t surprising that you’ve become jaded by the publishing world.
Writing a book is not an end in itself! Writing itself is simply a hit and miss approach of channeling ones thoughts to the outer world. The editors, bestsellers, publisher, fame, wealth and all the other trappings are inconsequential compared to the art of storytelling. The internet has provided a way for ANYONE to communicate their stories to the world by short-circuiting all the BS associated with the narcissistic, incestuous, publishing world largely inhabited by parasitic control freaks fleecing talented writers (like you) and inhibiting their creativity. I say f@&!-em Sarah, and blaze your own trail on the internet!
Wow, people who comment here are so bitter. I dream of writing something, so er thanks for the heads up. Maybe I will still try though, and do it for the compulsion, as you do.
C’mon Sarah, be positive. You see,everyone has a chart busting song in their minds, and like a ‘mental book’, you will never know how close you’re at beating Ludlum at his game if you don’t type that first word.
You have to write a book that Hollywood wants to turn into a movie. Then you’ll make money.
@ Dustin Flower (what kind of name is that, anyway??) – please take Sarah’s advice because you appear to be unable to pen a coherent sentence.
@ Sarah : I have bought your books and found them hilarious. I’m sorry you haven;t made a fortune – I think you deserve one. Take comfort in the fact that some appalling writers have made fortunes (JK Rowling and Wilbur Smith come to mind)
Geez, Sarah, if everyone does this, there’ll be no more books to read! And if musicians and artists follow suit, then no more music or art either. Just a thought ….
Sarah:
….why I write only short stories and ‘publish’ them on various forums.
And I do it because I KNOW I am funny and witty and insightful and I touch at least 5 people out of the 100 who read my drivel and sometimes I read something in a newspaper that I find screamingly funny and there is no recognition for the writer and what I propose is that ‘we’ get together – get smashed whilst reading our stories to each other and pour scorn on the more succesful ones .
Ah – gad – immortality beckons but not for us .
You may even get a hint of my identity from the weird punctuation .
On a serious note – my best effort has led many to ask me when I would publish it and i was years and miles ahead of you in your lament! I could not face the agony/rejection/editing/let-down/sucidal rages at publishers etc.
What a wise failure I am!
I hope people will learn from me.
Write by all means, send your tracts to all and sundry, cherish the giggles and the praise – after all – these people know you.
But if you persist you better write like Grisham and you have a faithful reader in me.
There is a book in me, I have always known this, and I hope to write it someday. I will work hard at getting it published, and will not have any feelings of underachievement. In fact the opposite is true. To complete a manuscript that I am satisfied with will fill me with a sense of pride and achievement, and to hell with those publishers that lack the ability to recognise genius. Should I be fortunate enough to find that elusive competent publisher, I will work harder than any of their staff to achieve all the things you claim the publisher will not. After the work of art has sold 5 copies to my bestest friends and is removed from the shelves, I shall sit back and marvel at the obvious lack of ability in the potential readers of my masterpiece. But there will only ever be a sense of achievement. If the effort merits more reward than the reward itself, then success has been achieved.
Try writing peer reviewed journal articles. They don’t need to be entertaining. No book signings, no worrying about whether people are buying your books. They are just useful in whatever obscure field you happen to work in. And people will cite your articles for their own obscure work, thereby giving one some sense of leaving a legacy.
Your description of the experiences of writing a book are in many ways the same as writing a thesis. However when writing a thesis, one has no delusions of many people wanting to read it when it’s finished. The loneliness, sacrifice of social life etc are the same.
If you write for fame and fortune then yes – prospects are bleak.
If you write to enjoy the moments of satisfaction when you pen something decent (by design or more likely by accident) – then it is not so awful.
My advice would be to make a career out of the things you don’t mind doing, but make a hobby out of the things you love.
gee I don’t know hey… by success you mean best sellers?
My favourite authors are not big-time-famous authors, they have written between 2-3 book. I wait every year to for see if they are releasing anything…
If they had this attitude and they gave up, I would be a very disappointed reader…
I get what you are trying to say.. that if you are an aspiring writer hoping to make it big in the book world, get ready for disappointment… get it
But imagine if Stephanie Meyer and JK Rowling had given up… imagine
Hayi,Sarah,it can’t be that bad.Maybe it’s about quality of the book.Either way ,you decide not to pen that word for economic reasons but, you would still have to find a way to prop up your ego which is never cheap anyway.Or are you discouraging us from giving you a competition Sarah.Nice piece anyway.
Lynne: Perhaps if I added erroneous question marks, ‘monkey’s tails’, and some poorly placed hyphens, I would make more sense to you. I have to thank you for the second part of your post, you’ve made it clear that the author (Sarah) is disillusioned at not making money off of her very important writings, and so would like to discourage anyone else from feeling that they may have something worthwhile to share with everyone else. Just as a point of interest,book sales are down 20% or so and have been dropping for some time. Perhaps authors (being wittier than everyone else) should not blame their audience and get creative (but that would just be silly, wouldn’t it, since they’re already so beaming with intelligence)?
Sarah, this is so sad. I love your book; “The South African Insult” (so does my husband) and I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I honestly wish you the best.
Look on the bright side, being a published writer has provided you many opportunities to write in newspapers and blogs- so it has not all been in vain.
Ah, yes, publishing in South Africa! I agree almost entirely with your sentiments, particularly the point that one should have some other means of generating your income! If that is the case, and you have the time, then I say write to your heart’s content! I have 6 books, 3 of which I give away for free download. I would rather have people engage with the thoughts than pay me for them… But then, I have a ‘day job’
As always, a fantastic, witty, insightful column!
Regards,
Dion