My best friend lives in Australia. This mattered today, a lot, because I was utterly miserable and wanted to confide in him. We chatted on Facebook for half an hour or so, but he had to go out, or go to bed, or whatever it is that people who live on the other side of the world do on a Saturday evening, and so we went our separate ways.
Many South Africans must know this, how time differences divide us from those we love, and increase our sense of isolation.
When I lived in Sydney, what tormented me most was time. Specifically, the hours that separated me from my family and most of my friends. Eight or nine hours is huge when every moment feels like a vast plain that stretches into nothingness in every direction. When the loneliness was so bad it was physically painful, it was time, not distance, that haunted me. When I woke up, family and friends were going to sleep; my afternoon was almost over by the time they woke up and when it was bedtime for me, they were still at work.
I was living in their tomorrow, they in my yesterday.
So I felt fundamentally disconnected from them. Psychologically, there is something deeply reassuring about the conviction that others are going about the same routines as us, at the same time; that they are eating breakfast, sitting in traffic, walking into the office, having lunch. We may cast aspersions on the quotidian sameness of our lives, but it is that sense of unspoken, shared ritual, that shared experience of time, that bonds us to others.
Zombieland, which I loved, imagines an America without people. “Without people, we might as well be zombies,” says the film’s narrator. I felt like a zombie when I lived in Australia and there are times, like now, when I feel like one again.
hi sarah , been a while , my brother lives in jhb with some of my best mates
you never said goodbye to us in sydney , how are things back in the Rainbow Nation
gary
Huh? Like R u finished?
Ah, the woes of a soutie! You’ll survive it, don’t stress..
hey Sarah, you’ve hit a button here… it is a constant complaint from both sides of the Big Pond.
Let’s here it for the insomniacs amongst us – I get to talk to my SA friends plenty, and love it. Different time zones really widen the gap. My brother and sister both migrated in the 80′s, and we were still booking international calls through Cape Town. So Viva Cyber, which enables me to see and hear my wonderful friends and family – thats the important bit, regardless of who’s in her pantoffels.
zombieland is where the generaton built on the manipulative culture of the 1990′s will live eternally as you really belong to genration Z. A sad group of aspirants caught in a vortex of disassembling identities and a false sense of rewards that never quite seem to materialise.Fiind a road to build rather than a freeway to glide on and you shall be OK. Zombiehood is a bad hood to live in.
I couldn’t agree more. My best friend emigrated to New York at the beginning of the year. I wish we could skype more often- but instead we are restricted to the confines of weekends- where an hour at night is far too little to convey the depth of emotion we would like to share.
Loneliness is something I don’t suffer from, even though I am most often on my own. I prefer it that way. I like my privacy. I prefer my own companionship.
I had a long distance friendship with an American woman a few years back, which lasted most of a year. I found the time difference and the cultural diversity between us very interesting. It wasn’t a challenge finding time to speak to her. If your Aussie friend is not available to you, find someone who is, if that is what you want.
I derive no comfort from feeling that I am following similar routines to others at the same time. I wonder where that feeling comes from in you?
My idea of Heaven is to be alive in a big urban environment after everyone else has died, such as was depicted in the film, I am Legend. And then after dark have monsters to kill. Perfect life to lead. No laws to obey. No-one there to tell you what to do or give you unwanted advice. You just do whatever you want to.
If not for Skype, I could never chat to my daughter, who is in Perth for 6 months. Trying to catch her on Telkom’s Off Peak, is impossible,except for weekends.
My daughters are currently on the Lao/Cambodia part of their Roughguide SE Asia backpacking excursion. No emails, facebook or cybercafes for the folks and far flung friends . Its like being in the 60′s – at the back of the moon – hoping for a colourful postcard.
At least Aussie has cheap skype that works 24/7. Get a friend with insomnia and agarophobia like JM Coetzee – that way you can chat in your REM sleep and record direct to Skype Jungian journal – how cool is that?
How’s Aussie with sophisticated NSW day light saving and Queensland without. If one lives on the border, you might need to arrive at an appointment before you fire up the ute. Kinda Alice in Wonderland?
Gotta luv’em
Small thinking…
I think… South Africans are THE most connected people on the planet.
Don’t believe me – any one of you reading this… check your gmail, skype or other IM chat thingy – how many friends do you have online… on more than one continent.
Literally South Africans because of their diaspora are the MOST CONNECTED people on the planet…
Now imagine if we organised…. we could take over the world….
((Manic meglomanic Bwa har har har har))
Jeez – its time I checked out – past my expiry date.
Here I am shouting the odds on fiber optic.
I come from the era where a hand delivered telegram (whenever) was the fastest news. Castle Line MAILSHIPS carried overseas mail. Car travel took days on narrow winding roads – not hours.
Cape to Johannesburg meant sleeping on the side of the road.
And you X Y Z generations complain ?