Perhaps it’s the white wine I am drinking (the bar opens on Wednesdays here. Most ad agencies run on slightly advanced versions of the dop system). Perhaps it’s the fact that I am single again after nearly nine years of marriage. And perhaps it’s the fact that I was once hit on by a German-Nigerian in my local used book store, who wanted to invite me out to a drink despite my prominently displayed engagement ring.
But where on earth would one go to pick up women in this town?
This question intrigues me in part because white wine is the preferred tipple, not only of Bridget Jones, but slags everywhere, which brings to mind questions about where it is that slags hang out these days. I once wrote about these exotic creatures for the Sunday Times. There, I defined them as women who, being newly divorced from boring accountants, and denizens of Dainfern, suddenly decided to throw aside the traces, spend a lot of money on bustiers at Queenspark*, and sleep with anything with three legs.
Keegan’s near Lonehill was once a favoured spot — Sundays were apparently known as “grab a granny” day — but now that it has been converted into a theatre, the women of a certain age have been forced to look elsewhere for action. So where are they now? Does anybody know? I mean, if I wanted to get a boob job and a fake tan, if I wanted to wear tight jeans that showed off my back-to-front body, with my flat bum and mummy tummy**, where would I go to exploit these things?
Oh, I’ve heard about women who sleep around. I once dated an Iranian who specialised in one-night stands (that said, it was the 90s, Illovo was the place to be seen, and I never did get it on with him). So clearly this sort of thing happens from time to time. But where? Where are these people? How does one ape their behaviour and become habituated to them oneself? Does one drape oneself at the bar and order tequila shooters? (I’ve been hit on in front of the horseracing section in CNA. Is this normal?)
I suppose this is an aspect of Johannesburg life from which I have always been shielded, and about which I know nothing. But it strikes me that, as a marketing strategist, I should at the very least have some insight into the segments about whom I advise my clients. There’s got to be a campaign in this somewhere, and if the press is anything to go by, the (slightly) older woman with needs is a growing market.
I await your answers with much interest. In the meantime, all I can say is, I am glad I am not a single man.
* Queenspark is the brand of choice for cougars. They’re also fond of Jenna Clifford. Which is why Ryk Neethling is used in marketing campaigns for both.
** Lest I inadvertantly start a rumour, I would like to make absolutely clear that at the time of writing, I am childless, and have never had any cause to visit Caesar’s Palace, otherwise known as Sandton Clinic.
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49 Responses to “Where do you go to pick up women these days?”
I wouldn’t begin to know, but one (male or female)would surely run a mile from such a place.
In the physical non-teenage world I would imagine it mainly happens anywhere that is heavily self-selected (places of work, clubs, societies) and where the “I’m here to pick someone up” message isn’t transmitted too obviously.
The internet may now perform much of the “long tail” mate selection role previously provided by the relentless meeting/dating/shagging of dozens of frogs.
South Africa has a fairly strong online network in the form of http://www.datingbuzz.co.za/s/. Online dating works quite well because it takes a lot of the long term legwork out of dating i.e. determining basic compatibility upfront. With the small but important long term compatibility issues like smoking, drinking habits, religion etc out of the way, dating new people can actually be quite fun because the rejection factor is significantly smaller.
Initial contact is also at arms length which makes it easier to screen potential partners.
Join Pharaohs (Midrand), Kiwiclub (East Rand), Kama Sutra (Centurion) for fleshy pleasures and get whatever you want as many times you want it.
Most of these places offer free or reduced entry for single ladies who seem in short supply.
Do some creative searches on Google and the solution to all your frustrations.
Try “Natswing.co.za” if you have nudist tendencies over and above the above.
Enjoy your life. It is too short to be wasted on frustrations.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha sipho you killed me. I’ve heard about the church theory, haven’t tested it. But I would say it’s more coincidental. You meet wome or rather men anywhere, hitting on them or not becomes a personal decision
I work with a lady of a certain age who is divorced (with two kids) and she always seems to have been picked up. She is rarely without male accompaniment and rarely stays with the same guy for more than a month. She finds them in bars.
I wouldn’t have the foggiest clue either and I’m quite glad about that. If my wife dumped me I would make an absolute fool of myself. I can’t see any man (over 30 anyway) scoring in the suburbs. Imagine trying a pick-up in Fullstop Cafe. (although Giles maybe an option these days). I’d have to join a tennis club to find suitable companionship.
Here are the definite NO NO place:Your workplace(from personal,bad idea),Church(sorry sipho),Malls,Date websites(lots of lies and desperate women)It was so easy wayback then with arranged marriages,no courting,no mugg & bean…just straight to the point.
That’s interesting. I do agree with your last sentence and in that regard I am extremely pleased that I don’t have to worry about that. I’m also old before my time; in that being in my mid-30s, but have a complete dislike for clubbing (did it to death in my 20s thank you very much), so if I were single I’d really struggle.
I think word-of-mouth is the best option really. A friend-of-a-friend etc. etc. would be my preferred choice. At least that way its a bit of a referral and you kinda know what you’re getting (and is also a reflection on your mates!)
Think of it this way: If I meet someone at a bar, so far the only thing we have in common is bars. When we leave, because we don’t need the bar now, we have nothing in common. Sure, you’re find someone, or something…
But if we meet at Church or some place with a shared interest, then it’s special to us. Suppose its a scuba diving class. Already, we both like the outdoors, the sea, we’re athletic etc.
Don’t let ‘dating’ lead you. You’ll just end up drunk, surrounded by people, and bloody lonely.
The supermarket is always a good place, gym too if you can pick the right moment LOL Havent had the courage to try either though so use with caution, you may be laughed at…
Anyone know of any good churches in the Fourways area?
You should try Molly Malone’s. It’s an irish pub behind Pineslopes centre.
Very mixed age group but definately lots of singles from late 20’s to 50’s.
But it’s a noisy, smokey, drunken pub so whoever you do find may look and act very different the next day!
It depends what your intentions are. If you want to lay someone, then go to the clubs where everyone seems to be looking for sex. If u want a real relationship, you will get them at church/theaters/libraries/sports ground
@Xabsie
I am not sure about that one.People who belong to those churches take forever to give you a lay.They will tell how they gave themselves up for the SON.So for them to suddenly give it to you,they might die.
My take is Sarah,continue with the wine but only extend it to a decent restaurant.No clubbing as expressed by Googlingsa given the propensity for sex only, in that territory.Orthodox churches still offer some relief even if the thirty somethings have left for charismatic churches.Movie theatres tend to expose some desperation.Seeing your are bookish,a library can also offer solace in this regard.The gym is the ultimate seeing it expresses some desire to lead a clean life in spite of the wine.I am really skeptical of the internet seeing that you cannot decipher who is genuine or not.Why should someone research your picture?To me that already demonstrates some obsession which has not been diagnosed yet.Do not call the number given,it will just add to his/her number of conquests/trophies.
Good luck in your endeavour.
I know this sounds completely lame but doing activities, sports, hobbies etc. It helps to find like-minded people? A fellow hiker, swimmer, knitter etc.
..just go up to a guy (you fancy)..and say you’re cute. Likewise…if its a chick (you fancy). Only difference..is the “reaction time”, is faster.
Bottom line; Sucessfull or Unsucessful…either way, your mates think you are a hero…and wished they had the balls/ovaries to do that..and you will never forget the time, you took the bull by the horns (metaphorically speaking)..and did it. Try it..there is no greater, Uplifting, Self Empowering,ego-boosting, Non-AA’ed-politically incorrect-whatever..ADRENALINE rush, one can give oneself…or the recipeint !!
Of course…you can do the same thing..just this time, you take your clothes off…”Ok, Ok..dont freak!”..that is for the more “Advanced classes” and “Adrenaline Junkies”. Meantime, ok then..give the beginners class, a try.
I couldnt agree more with you.For a FAKE relationship/marriage,charismatic churches are the best places to try.
Googlingsa
You gonna have to face reality one of these days.You may find a perfect girlfriend/wife in a club(not everyone goes the to score or get scored) and you may also find a nasty horrible girlfriend/wife in church/libraries(not everyone is as innocent as they look) etc.Look out for character of a person,not a place.
@George Makola
Sarah is specific and is comically serious about the PLACE.I dont suppose bloggers are necessarilly agony aunts/uncles.It’s just that in jest,Sarah is lamenting what the average Joe/Jane goes through to find a mate.Thus the question,get it?
Do find it in your heart to allow the charismatics to express themselves and dont bash them.It is true,sex is regarded a past time in clubs.Let’s not mislead Sarah and others.
@Sarah
Thanks for the topic.It reduces that task of engaging in serious stuff.
Have to agree with Robin Grant, that Dating Buzz site is a great idea. I’ve met a lot of women through that particular site and it has turned my social life upside down.
1 in 8 americans that were married last year, met online. It’s not something people frown about anymore, or at least not in the world I live in.
@Peter
We in Afrika(not a misspelling)I think still have traces of tradition and arranged meetings of potential lovers.So if you quote stats of Americans,who have lost some of this essence I am referring to,I think you will mislead us.It is just like saying the adultery we see in the Bold and the Beautiful is art and can be depicted the same way in Generations. For instance,I saw someone I know misrepresenting herself on SADating.co.za.So do excuse us from the way the Americans look at life,love and marriage.
Interesting responses. I only plucked up the courage to read them now because writing this sort of thing … well, it tends to raise eyebrows. My question did not actually pertain to myself, since I have to interest in being picked up - but having heard the stories I am intrigued. Apparently one former colleague had a brilliant strategy: he’d date all the divorced women with kids in the agency, shack up with them, score free holiday weekends, and leave when the demands for sex got too much. Or so I hear.
PS “those wedding” as a Captcha phrase?? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Phemelo,
Quoting stats on the americans was not to generalise since I fully agree with you that some of them tend to look at relationships differently.
However, to have a real relationship with someone you met online is possible and indeed does happen frequently. The point is that it’s just another way of meeting people. It’s perhaps not for everyone and that’s OK too.
There’s obvious downfalls like people misrepresenting themselves but you quickly distinguish between real and fake if you know what to look out for (gullible people fail at this). All the people I met in person, were real yes? None of them were from outer space either.
The fact that you saw someone you know who misrepresented herself, simply means you know a person who is not truthful and obviously someone who does not take it seriously since she’ll make a fool of herself once she meets someone in person, since she’ll get caught out on her lies in seconds.
Seeing one bad movie does not mean you should stop watching movies altogether.
Have a look at www.soulmatch.co.za - a way more secure way of meeting decent partners because everyone is personally interviewed, it’s not internet based so if you do choose to meet someone at least they are who they say they are, and do look like their photo.
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Sarah Britten has written three books on South African insults. During the day she is a communication strategist in the ad industry; by night she writes books and blog entries. It helps to have insomnia.
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Are you looking for a date Sarah? me too.
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