I never believed Sonono Khoza. Not because I thought that she deliberately lied about having sexual relations with President Jacob Zuma or because the issue of sleeping with a married man, especially a president, is trivial.
I did not believe her because she seemed to be denying the obvious to the wrong people, at the wrong time and in the wrong place.
I did not believe her “no-no” assertions because I knew that she knew that the issue of her having a baby with Zuma would be used as a club to bludgeon the president on the issue of unprotected sex, Aids, infidelity and a bad moral example.
As a woman, she would have recalled how he was grilled in court over allegations of having slept with Kwezi, a friend’s daughter.
Also, she would have been aware of how the global media mercilessly dealt with golf supremo Tiger Woods, for example, when it was established that he was having a series of sexual liaisons with women outside his marriage.
And public opinion has shown since the so-called scandal broke that the president has been in the sexual hot seat.
The majority of self-righteous people did not want not to believe that he had, once again, had sexual relations with a woman young enough to be his daughter.
So when she defended the indefensible by asking, “What baby are you talking about?” it was, for me, a no-no to believe her.
There were many people, especially women and white people who did not believe.
The way some callers reacted on talk shows on 702, Metro FM or SAfm, for example, told me why they did not believe her.
Here was yet more evidence that Zuma was not fit for the high office. They were livid that she would try to protect him.
But it was something else that she said that made them livid.
Khoza insisted on her innocence and asserted that “I have done nothing wrong. I’m a grown woman … I have the freedom to live my life”.
There were many people who were angry with her. In fact, they heard but refused to listen to what she was saying.
But she is not a naïve, sweet, 16-year-old. She is almost 40, this woman. However, people were mad at Khoza because she threatened to take away the moral hammer that could be used to nail Zuma, once and for all, on sex abuse of a friend’s daughter.
They would not tolerate for a second any notion of an independent, free, self-determining African woman who had a mind of her own to choose who to sleep with. They did not agree with the personal choice of a woman.
They did not really give a damn if Khoza had any feelings for Zuma or not. They were mad at Khoza because they believed that no man with three wives, already, should even think of getting yet another one so soon.
They were mad because she was allowing herself to be used by a man and thus debasing the image of women according to feminist ideology.
They were mad at her because no man, especially a president, should practise polygamy in the 21st century and still be considered civilised.
Their anger tells why so many men — like Tiger Woods or Bill Clinton, for instance — sniff hypocrisy in the issue of monogamy and infidelity.
The issue of monogamy and faithlessness in marriage is one that some men and women in a so-called Christian country deftly dance around.
A friend’s daughter!
When Khoza talked about her private life and demanded that people, especially the media, let her be, one did not need to be a feminist to know that she was in deep trouble.
Sex and Zuma instantly rattle ugly tremors in the hidden recesses of the collective psyche of many people, especially politically correct blacks and uppity whites.
Despite the fact that Khoza is a feisty woman, she found herself cornered and was not thinking straight.
For an instant, she saw all the joy, personal fulfilment, freedom of choice and self-determination to have a third child late in life flushed down.
She could not let the morally erect feminists, cultural critics, Christians, the politically correct and culturally superior whites have an open field to point their guns at Zuma.
She could shout all the drivel about her right to live her life the way she wanted, be the woman she wanted to be and have consenting adult relations with any man she desires.
But nobody would be interested to protect her rights and her choice. Nobody was listening. No African woman owns her own life. Oh, no, no, she can neither think for herself or make up her own mind. It is so no-no for Khoza to assume responsibility, like Zuma, to be the sole agent in her own life. And that is the lot of the African woman in a 21st century over-Christianised, patriarchal, supremacist and “civilised” country.
Perhaps Khoza did not even have to think about her response to this media trial. She instinctively knew and understood that the big story was a “hi-tech lynching of an over-sexed black president”.
If she stood her ground and declared her unconditional love for this smooth operator — and many women secretly think so — including those who pretend to be feminists, Zuma would not be hanged high at noon.
She knew that they wanted him out of the office for whatever reason. She, of course, did not want to be the cause of that.
You see, Khoza is an intuitive, sophisticated and modern African woman with a mind of her own but nobody really wants to listen to her-story.
The more sensational story that would make international headlines is that Zuma preyed upon his friend’s daughter.
But they were, again, wrong.
If Zuma was not the president of the most economically powerful country in the African continent, they would not worry.
Nobody would have been bothered with who he sleeps with. In fact, her-story would have been shebeen or hair salon gossip quietly buried in the hush-hush of indifference to what happens to an African woman.
There is no respect for individual privacy or right to self-expression.
If Khoza’s voice was censored or completely disregarded, it was not simply because she did not know what she was getting herself into.
The thing is, she is an African woman who will not be allowed to think for herself and represent herself in any way that is true to herself.
The old colonial, apartheid and patriarchal mentality applies to her. She will not be seen. She will not be heard. And she will not speak.
But Khoza should not worry now. Zuma, her shining knight has come to her rescue. He has accepted full responsibility.
Tell me, how many men do you know who will stand up to introduce and assert African culture, whatever it is, to the world?
I never believed that Khoza was telling the truth when she denied that Zuma had fathered her child.
Now that we all know the truth, let us allow all our women, including Khoza, the right to exercise freedom of choice.
Freedom for the man without total freedom for the woman is freedom for none.
Sandile, your article is no more empowering for Sonono than the comments from people from all walks of life which remind us that their sexual relations were far from equal.
“If Zuma was not the president of the most economically powerful country in the African continent, they would not worry.” – Exactly. If I did not have to look my daughter in the face and admit I cannot afford her education, I would not be so annoyed at having to contribute to 20+ children of Zuma who obviously will only get the best. Zuma should have considered Sonono’s and all the other woman he slept with’s rights and the resultant children’s before he engaged in sex with them. If he has no constraint when it comes to sex what else does he lack constraint in?
Then: Sonono. I cannot help but also ask myself: What type of woman knowlingly sleeps with a married man, about to get married to another with one rape case against him already. An adolescent girl might be absolved of blame for allowing herself to be seduced by a much older and more powerful man but a 40-year old? Come on. Not when the taxpayer get’s the short end of that stick. Is this a case of: Sorry sweety there are no cabinet posts left over, but I can always make you one of my wives? If this sounds callous, then the message we, the taxpayer is getting from our president is no less callous.
Oh please, nobody is mad at Sonono Khoza as you make it out to be with your own hammering. She is nothing special and nobody is interested in her.
the problem with this argument [and a major reason some people are upset] is that taxpayer money is going to be spent
i say “some” people because so few south africans actually pay income taxes. few enough, i would surmise, that zuma thought it would all blow over, since, well, it’s just white people who pay taxes, right? [or so the anc attack dogs would have you believe.]
i think zuma was caught off guard when “the media,” the “white people”, and the “politically correct blacks” decided to frame their disgust not in terms of taxpayers, but on the equally valid terms of “aids policy” and, oh, “unprotected sex with concurrent sexual partners”. oops.
Sandile
Almost all the whites I know don’t care how many women Zuma has, because he is not a Christian so he does not have to keep Christian rules.
It is the Zulus who care – because they say it is not Zulu culture to be promiscuous and to have babies out of marriage. Also because Zuma signed a pact not to do this again last time didn’t he?
Simphiwe Sesanti wrote an article in Cape Times Friday 5th February “Zuma violates the traditions he claims to Love: In African Culture Children must be born Within Marriage”.
He also says that in African Culture a friend’s child is your child, so Zuma sleeping with the daughters of friends (twice) is like he has slept with his own daughter.
Are you saying Simphiwe has got his culture wrong?
I cannot agree more with what you are saying Sandile. But don’t expect the high priests and priestesses to agree with you.
In fact Redi Direko of 702 is on record saying she could not give a hoot about Sonono Khoza because she is not the president. It’s Zuma who has focused the moral indignation of our righteous countrymen.
When we voted last year, we never said we were voting for the Dalai Lama.
What a sarcastic load of rubbish. Do you feet hurt from constantly jumping on the bandwagon? keep defending the indefensible.
well said sandile.a 40 year old woman still described by the so called feminists as someones daughter.disgusting.
Jennifer thorpe would like Sonono empowered to say and do what Jennifer thorpe wants her to say – no more no less. That she could voluntarily enter into a relationship is totally unimaginable to these people
This is the first time that I hear Zulu women have any rights in that culture.
Oh Please!! Once again we hear all the drivel about rights and how the poor black culture is being attacked by the arrogant whites.
How about this woman slept with a married man without protection and she and he need to take responsibility as he is a leader?
Africa is a mess and it is thinking like this that leaves one in no doubt as to why! Stop blaming the whites. Take responsibility. How can he encourage young people to not sleep around, to use protection and to be faithful when he isn’t. How did his failure to do so become an issue about Sonono’s rights? what drivel. A weak desperate argument driven by that typical immaturity that as usual focusses more on the individuals rights than their resposiblities.
While I usually find Sandile’s posts, this one actually makes sense to me…an uppity Christian White Woman.
You’re quite right; would we have been interested in Sonono if the father of the baby had been someone else? And you’re quite right, she’s certainly old enough to take charge of her life; clearly not a sweet sixteen year old.
The question still remains though of 20 children fathered by one man. What responsibility does he have to make sure that these children are cared for, fed, educated? It would appear that he hadn’t enough money to do this with the children he had fathered before he became president, hence the reliance on Mr Shaik.
That’s another question worth asking.
Perhaps the reason no one pesters Sonono Khoza for her side of the story is precisely because she is under no obligation to explain. Are we actually talking here about allowing her to do what she wants and only speak if she wants or are we implicitly forcing her to tell her side of the story because it would take the heat off the other side or fulfil our greed for tabloid or what?
With leaders like Zuma and apologists that close ranks around him, no wonder it is worse than the Dark Ages for Black intellectuals in this country.
‘Sad thing is, when all the storm clears, when they start seeing through Zuma’s uncontrollable selfishness, weakness, lust and greed, and when they eventually come to terms with what everybody else has known for a decade or so, i.e., that Zuma is a political liability, the ANC and so-called liberation pundits will throw Zuma under the bus, just like they did Mbeki. Thereafter, there will be a whole ‘nother chorus about how Zuma failed, how he needs to be tried for this and that, and how corrupt he “was”. As if they were not putting their integrity on the block for his indefensible conduct ! They will revise Zuma’s history just as they are starting to revise Mbeki’s history; the one they actively abetted and defended. The ANC pundits and these black intellectuals simply never learn and they are guaranteed to repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again. They deserve Zuma
As for Sonono’s rights ? Who cares ? She can sue us !
Politically correct blacks
Uppity whites
Cultural critics
Morally erect feminists
Cultural supremacists
Colonial, apartheid, supremacist mentalities
Ooooh, but arn’t you an angry lad, Sandile.
Why not simply call Sonono and adulteress? or a marriage breaker?
If she is so intelligent she would have figured that an illigitimate child would not go unnoticed, especially after Zuma’s many promises and safe-sex speeches.
Or perhaps you consider morality a dispensable item?
SANDILE,You sing very well for your supper dude…thanks for the laugh.
I am not interested in Sonono – if her morals allow her, as a private individual, to feel that it’s okay to let her father’s married friend impregnate her and put her at risk of HIV, it’s none of my business and I couldn’t care less. (Although it is obvious from such behavior that the “Abstain, Be Faithful, Condomise” message definitely isn’t getting through to the people of South Africa.)
My problem is with the president of this country making us an international laughing stock, and making the Zulu Culture look anything but cultured. Not only is he the president, he is also supposed to be a moral leader and someone who preaches the ABC of the AIDS campaign.
And on top of all of this, I’m expected to help pay for his progeny.
Very weak. Firstly if you’re going to sleep with somebody and have a baby with them, then deny it, then you don’t have any rights to be portrayed as a victim, which is what you’re doing.
And as everybody else says it is indeed all about Zuma, it’s about the choices he’s made. And all this about African men standing up and asserting their culture, why is it always the men doing all the asserting when here you’re talking about a woman, I want to hear just one African woman asserting her culture. Just one.
And yes its indeed about freedom, freedom to make you’re own decisions. And freedom to accept responsibility for you’re actions, because that’s what an adult is.
Lyndall, rarely would I presume to correct you. But Zuma has declared his adherence to Christian values on a number of occasions. And he’s an honorary pastor at the Ntuzuma Gospel Church.
This is the most obtuse article you hv ever written Sandile. Could it be that you claim we are lambasting only the Pres, when it takes two to tango? well here is what I think of the Khoza woman:
1.She already has two kids, who are teenagers-sadly her marriage fell apart, my apologies-divorce is hard
2.She is an educated woman who should understand that probabilty of contractic HIV/AIDS is high if you are sleeping with someone who sleeps with multiple partners
3.Being a divorcee doe not mean she has to take other people’s husbands-she should know better
4. Zuma is her uncle-her father’s friend-what she has done is a disgrace and an embarrasment to her parents
5.I pity the embarrasement and shame she is putting her children through
Now Sandile you talk about rights, as if one can nilly willy do whatever they like as long as it is within their rihts-wellrights go with responsibilities, and as much as you chaim that she was exercising her rights, she overstepped on Zuma’s wifes rights and did not exercise responsibility.
You say if it was an ordinary man, we would never have knows aout her tryst-well duhhh, ofcause he is the president with a bad sexual track reckod, and by having a child with him she was risking being in this position. So please do not go all sanctimonious on us.
How would you feel if one of your daghters decided to exercise her right by having a relationship with someone old enough to be her grand father, and got pregnant by him on top of the 4 children she has? Would you say she exercised her rights responsibly? Give me a break.
Malume Memela
Thought I should remind you (lest you have forgotten), this is what you had to say no so long ago in one of the no-so-popular-posts:
“First, it is that black writers have white interests in their brains. What this means is that when they write, black writers have a white target audience in mind. They, too, believe the “blacks don’t read” myth.
Secondly, whatever they write will have to gain white approval. They have to condition themselves to meet white expectations and criteria because if they do not their work is unlikely to see the light of day…”
Sandile,
I was well taken from the begining of your article, but towards the end of it, I find that you are just one hell of a guy who uses a lot of English words to make a wrong right.
Still you shy away from writing what is the truth, the only truth about women rights.In your oped you fail to make a genuine statement for Sonono to come forward and speak her mind.
If Sonono is a strong African woman with an independed thinking the she will not need a ( or President Zuma ) to speak on her behalf.No no no, not at all. The reason why there is this bru-ha-ha regarding her silent is that Sonono has been told what to do all the time. This is also happening in the ANC women’s league.
One thing that many men could have hated to see was Sonono coming forward and speaking her mind.
She lied because of the powerful African men who were about to eat her alive. That is the truth.
Sandile, next time you talk about women’s right speak from the heart my brother don’t try to shade truth like an man who still need a position in the government.
@Sandile – in african culture what does one call a women who has 20 kids with 6 guys, some concurrent?
Please answer.
I just feel sorry for any women living in a polygamy situation.
You are correct: everyone has the right to self-determination and freedom.
You write no doubt from a position of knowledge and caring about Sonono Khoza and we must assume on the basis of your article that you have done your homework.
We must also assume that you have not confused age, wealth and traditional power with personal empowerment.
That SK made a conscious decision to enter into a relationship and to have have a child prior to entering into the relationship and conceiving.
That the decision to relate and conceive were taken by her because it supports her dreams and hopes for her and her child; it aligns with her spiritual beliefs and values; it promotes her physical health and well-being, it is emotionally healthy for her; it is rationally in the best interests of her and her child.
On the basis of your article, we say that this is an empowered decision taken by an empowered person.
Further, that SK has the emotional intelligence, mental acumen, and physical stamina, to deal in a healthy way with all the invalid nonsense that is said about her and the matter as such- as invalid nonsense.
For if it were not an empowered decision taken by an empowered person, there would be a woman at the front end of this article who is struggling to work through feelings of guilt, shame, regret, despair, hopelessness, anxiety, social isolation, victimisation, etc. With or without a person of love and compassion at her side.
Sandile, It does not matter who the woman is, it’s not about her, but about Zuma. This whole article is pointless
I expect Ms Khoza will receive more than her fair share of opportunity to put her story out. The media are probably jostling for position to interview her. There is much the public still want to know. Did she intentionally fall pregnant. Was the pregnancy a mutual decision, and if so why not wait to get culturally married. Was mom and dad aware of the relationship, or was it behind their backs. Did they see each other pften, etc, etc, etc. I bet all media groups are searching their archives for pictures that might show her at the same function as Zuma. So, Mr Memela, the very near future will show your article for what it is, another pointless rant at the “politically correct blacks and uppity whites” as well as the “culturally superior whites”, now that could be a subject for a brave writer. You just cannot resist the opportunity to have a go. Maybe you should consider the next opportunity with more foresight.
Dear Sandile,
Is there anything about the current regime you would not defend?
Upitty white
Very well put Panchetta. I personally couldn’t be bothered about Sonono in this case but the married man who is also leading our country.
I must add thought that for an almost 40 year old woman, she doesn’t seem to have learnt anything from the fact that her family had lost her younger sister Zodwa due to Aids related illness. If I were Sonono, I would use my freedom of choice to stay away from a man who has a penchant for sleeping around without a condom, let alone that he knowingly slept with with an HIV positive woman without using a condom. So, go ahead Sandile, defend the indefensible even in the Sonono case. Sonono and Zuma deserve each other if you ask me.
Who is the orginal source of the story and for what purpose
Gimme a break! Who cares about Sonono Khoza? I have not heard one single person taking issue with her in any serious way – grown-ups recognise that grown-ups make their own choices.
I’ve spoken to people in informal settlements and in Sandton boardrooms, and the focus of their ire is pure and simple: Zuma. The man is repeatedly unfaithful to his wives (and I generally find that most people don’t care much about the number, though some do question how much the taxpayer is supposed to spend on protecting and ferrying them around). He puts his wives at risk and damages the country’s camapaign against unprotected sex. He damages the image of Zulu tradition by appealing to it as justification for his promiscuity with women he is not married to – older Zulu people I’ve heard on this are furious about that.
Sonono? Who cares? She’s an adult, has money of her own and is mentally competent. This column tells us more about your insecurities and the chips on your shoulder than it does about the case in question, Memela.
How does Zuma know the child is his’? Because she said: yes Jacob, its yours, it has to be because…(That was when he phoned her, in between state business of course, and she told him she was pregnant. Eina, eish, eikona, surely not mine? Yes Jacob, it has to be, remember the night….etc etc)
…because they agreed that it was going to be his. When the little lad (or was it a lass) grows up to a spitting image of JZ we will know for sure.
Until then lets talk about more important business like where the country is going. Boring stuff, for sure but somebody has to do it.
Pity that you and others would put the behaviour of one man as the standard for our people. Pity because you, like Zuma, are in an influential position. We all have a tendency to defend our people, of which Zuma is one, because we feel that those who attack him have ulterior motives, have nothing good to say about us and ours and some have a history or past which is less than exemplary. But, can we stop defending the indefensible please, for our children’s sake and for the sake of all that we have stood for, for all these decades. Rather not blame commentators simply express your own opinion BUT dont defend what is indefensible. Ms Khoza knew she was sleeping with a married man and her father’s friend. She knew when dealing with the first citizen of the country that she was entering the public realm. I dont want to imagine the subterfuge and games they must have had to go through, to find a place private enough for their business.
Rather as proud black people whose heritage is much more than the sum of whatever it is that Zuma represents in the eyes of South Africans, the world and observers. Rather remind us this. That this is but one individual doing or following his instincts. We have many virtous titans among our people whose who have been leaders before Zuma, we can reel them off our tongues if there’s any need but its not necessary!
Belle
Zuma might as well call himself a Martian as a Christian. He has no clue what the concept means.
According to the outcry from Zulu traditionalists he does not know what being Zulu means either.
Sandile, which do you think is the correct scenario? Khoza slept with Zuma because she was/is in love with him or that she was seduced by him because he is the President of our country? If the second answer is more likey, then your description of Khoza as an ‘independent, free, self-determining African woman’ is incorrect. She was just taken advantage of.
Sandile, you are spot on.
Let them hypocrits drivel on, fact remains, we are all going to pay for all of JZ’s kids and wives whether we like it or not.
All this noise will die down, and then life goes on.
@DeltaM
The noise will eventually die down, along with the ANC. Zuma as good as dug the grave with his own hands.
Sandile – you are 100% wrong.
Who cares really about Sonono ? So long as she is not wronged, it’s her private business.
But Zuma on the other hand represents us all ! If he can’t be trusted whilst he is preparing for marriage with another woman, how can he be trusted to run a country ?
The man should resign. End of story.
70% of men have affairs outside marriage
And 70% of men are wrong…
And 67.8 % of stats are made up. idiots. use a reference if you’re going to make ridiculous claims.