Loading ...Shrrrikkt! Wolverine’s adamantium claws shred through the wooden door on the twenty-first floor of the abandoned building. The man, if such he is, known only as Arnie, is standing in the middle of the room, arms hanging, with that strangely emotionless face and the way cool sunglasses. Up swings Arnie’s machine gun as he bellows at Wolverine in a thick Austrian accent, “So! You’re bakkk!” and pulls the trigger and bullets begin spraying across the room at Wolverine who lunges behind a pillar.Grraargh! roars Wolverine as two bullets rip through a tricep, the flesh almost instantly starting to heal. Within seconds his arm is already completely healed and he presses closely against the pillar, listening. Wolverine then hears a satisfactory click click click sound. Ha, the Arnie guy is out of ammo. He steps around the pillar to see Arnie standing there, face still weirdly blank, and snarls, “way to go, bub! You shoulda started counting yer ammo a long time ago … now yer toast … ” his voice trails off as he watches Arnie take the machine gun and, with no effort at all, twist it into a circle as if it is just a wire hanger, staring emotionlessly at Wolverine … “I am going to hang you with this, good old-fashioned necklace style,” Arnie mirthlessly intones. Wolverine realises the fight for the fate of South Africa has just begun …
_____________________________________________________________
Zzzzzttt… Terminator model Zumlema-noid T221 analyses the man before him, the long claws sticking out of his fists.
Skeleton: Unrecognised metal, high probability of being indestructible. Stronger than the cold, lifeless titanium with which this Zumlema-noid model is composed. Metal is also organic. Possibility of foe being a cyborg. Flesh: mutated. An analysis of the arm Zumlema-noid computed he had shot off was completely healed, only the clothing torn.
Facial: behind the beard a deep, intense emotion in the man. Aggressive tendencies, but with a strange compassion for the human race, especially fate of South Africans. Compassion! A weakness! What happened to good old-fashioned corruption and disregard for the pale and downtrodden, the weak and the poor? Such a weakness! Otherwise analysed result of foe would be: “Highly dangerous, perhaps abort mission of terminating SA species through corruption, laziness, inefficiency, lack of service delivery, denial, giving police too much power, lies, lies and more lies … ” and now the foe is lunging at him … claws slashing through the twisted machine gun and across Zumlema-noid’s face.Zzzttt zzzttt … Computer visuals flicker and fade … _____________________________________________________________
Wolverine looks at the android lying on the floor, a few electronic impulses still twitching through its frame. The face is half torn apart, a demonic red light fading from the eye bulb, the huge teeth clacking away like some brainless dictator-in-waiting hurling empty insults at an ANC Yoof rally. “Piece of cake,” mutters Wolverine in relief. Just a few slashes through the neck and austa la vista baby. Terminated. Mission accomplished.” Snikt! His deadly claws are sheathed back into his arms.
He turns around to see another android, a replica of the dude he just totalled, resolutely marching towards him like a Frankenstein monster …
“How many more are you?” gasped Wolverine, as his claws shot out his fists again.
“As long as you keep voting us in, ve vill never stop coming bakkk, never ever … ”
Next issue: Wolverine vs Jackie Chan in Shanghai! Get your copy of “Showdown: Claws of Fury on the Oriental Pearl Tower” next week! Order now!
_______________________________________________________________
“Jolly good!” cried Sharon, jostling in jodhpurs on Pearly, her brown mare on the fields of North Riding, Jo’burg, as she cantered up to Alison who was on her white mare. “Jolly good!” cried Alison back. “Shall we go for a little trot then?”
“Yes, let’s. We should be back in time for afternoon tea. Grace made a spiffing good date cake.”
“Ooof! I could steal your maid any day. Where did you find her?”
“Oh I can’t remember where she lives. Alexandra or Diepsloot or something. By the way, did you read that daft blog Rod MacKenzie did on Thought Leader? Something about that awful comic book character Wolverine and a spoof on Arnold Schwarzenegger for some reason I think. Silly, really.”
“Oh yes, I did. Awfully immature. Disappointing actually. He doesn’t take anything seriously.”
“Yes I really wish he would write a serious piece for a change, something relevant, such as, oh, SA politics or Zim politics, the ANC and all that.”
“Absolutely. Off we go. Jolly good!”
“Jolly good!”
Horses disappear on the Magaliesberg horizon where mansions glint in the noon sun.
One can’t even pass it for satire. Come on Rod, give us something better!
(Report abuse)