After a gruelling session of learning oral English at the campus on Dong Chang road in downtown Shanghai, the eight or so kids in my class jumped at the chance of playing Blind Man’s Buff, you know, where one kid is blindfolded and has to catch one of the others. It was ten in the morning on a Sunday, the sunlight glaring through the windows. A Chinese teacher, Wendy, was observing my class and when one of the kids ran to turn the lights off in the room for the theatrical atmosphere, she stopped the child. ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘Because it will be too dangerous to play with a blindfold with the lights turned off,’ she replied.
I looked at the sunlight streaming through the windows, only somewhat dimmed by the corridor outside … then I looked back at Wendy and waited for her to see the daftness of her remark. It never came.
She just kept staring at me with those lovely, smoky, oriental eyes. The Chinese, who are mostly generous and super-friendly, are capable of the most dotty thinking. This blog is going to be devoted to such anecdotes, showing life as a South African at grass roots level in China, some funny, some sad, but all of them “Cracking China”.
“Top secret Wrigley’s chewing gum”
It is Olympics 2008 fever (and now we shift to the Paralympics) and I understand China’s need to tighten up on security. Baggage is checked on entering the subways and I gladly let them check my rucksack; to hell with terrorists and dissenters spoiling China’s wonderful opportunity to show the world how she has progressed. Chinese by and large put both shoulders to the wheel and take pride in their labour and being of service.
Sadly, all the little boutiques and rag-tag shops on the subways where you can buy anything from Winnie the Pooh key rings to china Buddhas are closed. My water lady in summer always has my yenchi shui ready (sweetened salt water, necessary and refreshing in the dripping 40 degree summers). Marion buys the two English newspapers every day. My wife’s newspaper lady sometimes runs up to give Marion her papers as she’s scuttling onto the train.
‘No no,’ the shop assistant wails in Chinese as I take a photo of a marvelously ambivalent Chinglish sign behind a tray of Wrigley’s chewing gum in our local convenience store. The sign ambivalently says, “Familymart’s plastic bag should be sold without for free”. China has recently passed a law that plastic shopping bags must be bought. “Why?” I mutter and theatrically get ready to take another picture, as I can be quite bolshy, especially when I can see no reason for not being allowed to do something. ”Noooo!!…” wail several shop assistants now, covering up the shop’s merchandise with their hands. One frantically points to a sign saying “No photos”, a warning issued by the police during the Olympic Games.
Security in subways I can understand, but convenience stores? Way weird. But here you have it: my precious photo of “Top Secret Wrigley’s Chewing Gum”. Don’t tell a soul.
Have you heard the one about Mao’s shoe size during the communist period being secret, so that no-one could imitate him and any possibility of a CIA double being planted could be detected by the guards watching to see if his shoes were tight and making him walk funny?
I read somehing about it years ago, but never found out if it was a joke or real, like the CIA, Castro and assassination by exploding Havana cigars.
Yes I do recall that one about Chairman Mao, and can believe it though who knows if it was true? I do know that police would sift through wastebaskets of used toilet paper to see if anyone had used Mao’s name on newspaper to clean their rears that had Mao’s name on it, or – heaven forbid – his picture. Then everyone in the area who had used that toilet would be interrogated. Also believable, but who knows? The practice of using wastebaskets for used loo paper is still common, even in downtown Shanghai.
As far as I am concerned the present veneration of Zuma to the point of attacking courts, and dragging out schoolchildren to march on police stations is just as silly as sifting through loopaper. Why does communisim always land up with a god-man hero worship (Stalin, Mao, Zuma) when it is the opposite of what the principles stand for?
Wastebaskets for used loo paper are used in several countries. I first encountered this in Belgium in an old apartment – sewerage pipes very narrow and would get blocked by toilet paper. Was the norm in Brazil a few years ago.
Lyndall – I often ask the same question. Can only come up with the trite answer that some pigs are more equal than others. Except most of the “others” are not pigs at all.
Your blogs a great read Rod. Thx