By Mncedisi Mashigoane
“Liberated” men who subscribe to the feminist and Western notions of gender equality and women’s emancipation have been agonising about the tame reaction to old Jacob’s latest sexual scandal. They have lamented the insincerity of his apology moving for his resignation for sexual indiscretion. They have called for the nation to rise up and support them in grieving for the near silence from the moral pole bearers and the nation at large.
For them the head of the ANC ought to lead by example in the battle for moral regeneration and in the safe-sex campaign against HIV/Aids. The fact that the extra-marital affair with Sonono comes hot on the heels of the rape trial wherein Zuma made controversial statements and damning admissions that forced him to apologise is proof that JZ cannot be trusted not to embarrass the nation ever again before his term ends.
For them the moral high ground that ought to be embodied in the leader of Mandela and Sisulu’s liberation movement cannot be compromised with impunity by a repeat offender nogal. The sound of their drums increasingly fills the air with a scent of holier-than-thou poppies and daisies. Some say they have fallen into the dangerous trap of being judgemental of practices that are alien to their values and beliefs. They even have some news for these intolerants. Ever heard of open relationships or polyamorous affairs? These are love relationships that have slowly been challenging the dominance of the monogamous relationship in mainstream culture by offering an alternative mode of intimate relationship.
Polygamy by its nature can be slotted into this practice and it is fortunately flexible enough to include sex out of wedlock to cover old JayZhie if his spinners would like to register him in the books of this movement. Adherents swear to the powers of polyamorous affairs in combating divorce and jealousy among women. They say it opens up a new world and experience of sharing love and yes it is not for the faint-hearted. Some open-affair practitioners admit using the subculture, for lack of a better word, as a fishing opportunity till they meet their soul mates and then they settle down to happily-ever-after monogamy.
For most though, it involves opening up your monogamous relationship, by invitation of course, to third, fourth or fifth parties to participate as lovers. At the heart of these contracts is the free choice of each participant. Their rules are simple but would be tough for some people I know as they include honesty and use of condoms.
You may find it a disgusting practice that opens up a can of all sizes of worms from diseases to infidelity but in these times of changes and difference I say, hey if it works for them who am I to judge? Not long ago, difference, especially involving sexuality, was frowned upon and sex between black and white was demonised. Now different people and (sub)cultures love and marry differently. Who wants to return to the era of moral policing?
Mncedisi Mashigoane holds an MA in English (UCT) and PGrad Dipl in journalism (Rhodes). He is currently pursuing a PhD in media studies at Wits where he also lectures film and television.
I was looking at my friends wife today . I liked what I saw.I am going to send them your Blog.
Lets see if the fish bite this year.Polyamorous for me-lets get it on.
This column only serves to perpetuate negative and unfounded stereotypes about African people.
Yes, many white people have orgies, sex-parties, participate in “wife-swapping” as well as have sex with prostitutes but black people are now stereotyped as lascivous and you are not helping matters by perpetuating the myth.[Please publish this comment, edit it if you must]
If it’s culturally traditional and that’s what makes it ‘acceptable’, what was ‘traditional’ about the various brides’ bras and white tackies? Anyway, he should be too busy running the country to spend as much time as he does impregnating women who he is not married to. What kind of a role model is he presenting to young men in a country where there is already so much abuse of women, and children born to absent fathers and orphans etc? Why didn’t he make the grand gesture of adopting a couple of Zulu orphans from poor areas of KZ-N? He might have started a good precedent that way.
Polygamy does not become polyamoury until EVERY partner has the right to love others and marry others.
Also, JZs actions cannot be justified in terms of polymaoury in your argument since, by your own admission, it requires consent, honesty and responsibility. We know he was not responsible and I have doubts about the others.
It has been done already, by the 60′s marijuana smoking, bra burning, Woodstock going, commune living, Imperial Western hippies. I think the reason it was discarded is that the children, even the planned one’s, that issued from such cluster families lacked limits and thus security and when their time came to become parents, went right back to “traditional” values.
The other option you refer to is normally referred to as “sowing your wild oats” before settling down, which was acceptable in the bad old days of serfs, since you didn’t have to pay maintenance or take any responsibility for offspring from serfs they were your property anyway. Condoms? My experience is, only if the guy actually care about such things or care enough about the woman he sleeps with to bother. It all comes down to responsibility and accountability I suppose.
Get your facts straight! Our president just can’t keep his pants zipped for long enough to rule appropriately and those who voted him into the position, deserve him! There are no excuses for public figures and their behaviour is made more noxious by their boring, public apologies. If I thought for one moment he’d deliver on that apology, I’d be just as screwed by him!
Erm Mncedisi let me first ask you about “feminist and Western notions of gender equality and women’s emancipation”. What problem exactly do you have with gender equality and women’s emancipation?
Secondly some of us feminists don’t have a problem *in principle* with polyamoury, because it involves free choice and informed consent from all involved parties and in all actions. So if for instance you want to sleep with someone else but your partner doesn’t want it, and you go ahead, it’s not polyamoury. If you have other lovers but your partner is not allowed to, it’s not polyamoury.
But really, what is your problem with women’s emancipation?
All very well being polyamorous and behaving in the stereotypical manner to which Mbeki vehemently objected a few years back. Its hardly a myth Phillipa. It peeves me greatly to hear that its OK to shag around and that more often than not its without a condom. The unfortunate consequence of these grossly irresponsible acts is that as a taxpayer I will help pay for child grants, Aids orphan support, ARV’s and hospitals. Real men use condoms.