There’s a scene from Little Miss Sunshine that has stayed with me for the longest time. If you’ve seen the movie you’ll remember it instantly. Miss Sunshine is of course the film about a family on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and the scene in question is between Dwayne and Frank, who are musing on the meaning of life.
Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was 18 and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: Do you know who Marcel Proust is?
Dwayne: He’s the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he’s also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh … he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18 … Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school — those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.
Before I knew better, like Dwayne I thought that life was curative. That the smarter and older you got the less pain or problems you would experience. I thought that self awareness would bring progression and healing to the point of Nirvana. Of course life has an amazing sense of humour, and evolution isn’t curative. That’s a childish fantasy we are sold or begin to believe in thanks (in part) to the Disneyfication of fairy tales. The more self actualised you become the better the quality of the struggle you experience. Of course you still experience a whack of mediocre type challenges to ensure you’ve been paying attention in class, but for the most part self evolution is about finding your truth — a journey that never ends.
Apart from writing that one incredible book “that almost no one reads”, Marcel Proust created an interesting questionnaire in his teens that serves as a personality confessional. Proust returned to the questionnaire frequently during various periods in his life and with good purpose.
The original manuscript of Proust’s answers entitled by Marcel Proust himself was auctioned in 2003 for €102 000. Then those questions, marginally modified, are used in every issue of Vanity Fair to get into the minds of modern day “luminaries” like Alec Baldwin, Emma Thompson, John Cusack and David Mamet.
My favourite Proustesque interviews of all time are with Norman Mailer and Umberto Eco.
I’ve done the Proust Questionnaire at various stages during my life and found that the degree of thought and self revelation in the exercise intriguing. It’s a bit like having an intelligent confessional diary, that’s stripped of early angst and self pity. Small wonder that Proust returned to his questions again and again and again.
Although self awareness isn’t a safeguard against misery or a guarantee of happiness, Socrates’ guiding value has significant merit. As the non traditional Latin inscribed on a plaque above the Oracle’s door in the Matrix film trinity advocates: temet nosce (know yourself).
Growing self knowledge, fostering self insight, and developing self esteem is a worthwhile journey that can lead you to truth.
- My adaptation of the Proust questionnaire for you to answer if you dare:
- What is your favorite virtue?
- What is the principal aspect of you personality?
- What are your favorite qualities in a man?
- What are your favorite qualities in a woman?
- What is your chief characteristic?
- What you admire most in your friends?
- What do you appreciate most about your friends?
- What is your main fault?
- What is your favourite occupation?
- What is your idea of perfect happiness?
- What would be your idea of absolute misery?
- If not yourself, who would you be?
- Where would you like to live?
- What is your favourite colour and flower?
- Who is your favourite author?
- Who is your favourite poet?
- Who is your favourite fictional heroine?
- Who is your favourite fictional hero?
- Who is your hero in real life?
- Which historical character do you most dislike?
- Which historical hero do you most like?
- What do you hate most in the world?
- What talent would you like to be gifted with?
- How would you wish to die?
- What would your tomb stone read?
- What is your present state of mind?
- What fault do you have that you tolerate the most?
- When do you lie?
- Who or what do you hate?
- What is your greatest achievement?
- What’s your most treasured possession?
- Your motto?
“Although self awareness isn’t a safeguard against misery or a guarantee of happiness, Socrates’ guiding value has significant merit.”
Mandy, I usually try not to get involved in philosophical discussions and respect that everyone has their own path in life, but because I like much of what you write, I feel an obligation to respond to the statement above.
So in my humble opinion, nothing could be further from the truth! I distinctly remember being challenged in my high school creative writing class by my English teacher, still my role model, with the topic “Who am I?”. This led to the chain of events of self discovery that I’m still on!
Self-knowledge is the ONLY safeguard against misery and the ONLY guarantee of happiness. I guess nearly all spiritual teachings subscribe to this truth in one form or another, so my wish is that you continue on your journey to “know thyself”. Best of luck with whatever path you decide on!
Thanks for this—it’s an interesting piece of writing.
I think that Proust would have been happier if he had put less energy into being happy. I believe that happiness is a by-product of a virtuous life (Aristotle), rather than an objective to be energetically pursue.
Narcissism seldom leads to happiness. Conversely, dedication to something outside of oneself (service of others, pursuit of some cause, or—if you’re religious—service of God) offers the best shot of serendipitously discovering that you are, in fact, happy.
That, at least, has been my personal experience of life.
@Dave – have you ever heard the adage “Ignorance is bliss”? Unfortunately it’s true. Being less aware of how you hurt people, of your darkness, of your frustrations, irritations, short comings, failings, struggles… it makes for an ‘easier’ life. Although not a more meaningful life.
Actualisation isn’t a guarantee of happiness. When you start growing and go through the psychological process of fragmentation it can be absolute hell. Then self awareness doesn’t make you feel less, if anything it can open you to feeling more.
Lastly self knowledge is no safeguard against loss, theft, pain, suffering, illness, death…
To think that it is, is a delusion. And delusion is the furthest place from the truth than you can be.
Self knowledge brings huge meaning, maturity, self esteem and can be a means of discovering how you may be more happy. But it is by no means a guarantee of happiness and it would be a falsehood to think so.
Thanks for your thoughts and taking the time to debate. I appreciate it.
@Chico – Thanks for taking the time. I think Proust was who he was, and that’s what made his writing so incredibly profound. Thinking we could change that is wishful thinking in part, and I think disrespects who he was which was a profound determiner of what he wrote.
Then I don’t believe a virtuous life necessarily brings happiness, although you are right in thinking that continual desires and wants can cause misery (and when they’re never fulfilled and you don’t have the maturity to understand this, bitterness).
I don’t know if narcissism creates a state that excludes happiness. I’ve seen narcissists who are at times ‘happy’ because their selfish needs are fulfilled.
But like you I clearly don’t have all the answers and am using my research and writing to get closer to the truth.
Thank you for your thoughts – I enjoyed thinking about them.
Interesting and thougth provoking post.
I have often wondered at the amount of energy wasted in pursuit of happiness? It seems yet another “thing” we were taught we ought to want that we really don’t need. I prefer satisfaction after a hard problem solved or the weak-kneed sense of relief after a difficult and dangerous job successfully completed. As far as I am concerned, happiness is for idiots. The rest of us are here to learn about ourselves by being tested by the rest.
Know thyself indeed. Better still, learn more about yourself each day by engaging fully in the game of life.
OK Mandy, so we do agree that ignorance runs contrary to a meaningful existence. This is great progress, since most go through their lives blissfully ignorant while seeking meaning in the pursuit of fame and fortune- it soon dawns, however, that even these successes are no safeguard against the fears you outlined.
This, begs the question, why does one want to lead a more “meaningful existence”? Fear of afterlife (heaven/hell, rebirth….)? Desire for greater peace/happiness?
Whatever the answer, the next logical question might be, does ANY knowledge suffice or does one have to acquire a specific kind of knowledge? Could it be scientific/book knowledge about our outer material world or that experiential/spiritual knowledge about our inner world or possibly some combination? Of course one then has to do a realistic calculation as to whether one has adequate time to acquire this knowledge to lead this more “meaningful life” before one dies? What happens if one doesn’t? Some belief systems gives one just one shot at life while other systems allow you additional chances in perhaps future lifetimes! Which do you subscribe to?
Well, you catch my drift…. these a just some of the questions that keep me seeking. One derives some comfort though, from the fact that this introspection is an essential part of being human and an essential journey undertaken by the billions that came before us. Anyway, may 2010 be a happier and more meaningful one for you