By Thabang Tlaka
It was a beautiful summer afternoon so my aunt, an employee of the University of Pretoria and I, a student at the university, decided to sit on a bench and enjoy the late afternoon sun.
Suddenly, a man came running out of the Theology building behind us. Clearly panicking and confused, he seemed to be in a state. He then turned and said: “Someone has just stolen my laptop, can I search your bags?”
“What?” I thought, “search our bags?” Does missing laptop plus two black people on a bench add up to a guilty verdict?
After a number of questions I let him search my bag. But four years later I cannot shake off what I felt that day. That incident unsettled me because in my analysis I realised that when that man was desperate, his real feelings (his prejudice) became evident. This makes me wonder: do we as South Africans (and Africans) just tolerate each other without acceptance? I, for one, would like to be accepted rather than being tolerated.
Firstly, what perturbs me is not the incident per se but that this is a snippet of what most parts of South Africa are like. I would argue that many interactions between individuals and groups are “tolerance games” that we play. We all know it. We constantly hear our family members and friends say things like: those people are loud, these people are racists, those people drink a lot, these people are cheaters and those people will bewitch you. Sometimes we are the perpetrators or initiators of these communications. We see it in views we hold regarding gender, religion, culture, sex, educational level and socio-economic status … even the 2010 World Cup — “let’s see if they mess it up” type of attitude. This is very telling about our national mindset.
Secondly, I am not looking for a fight. I am simply a young man concerned about the state of the nation and the true nature of that which we call tolerance.
As a human being, a young psychologist and thinking entity, I don’t believe that people can be neutral or truly be objective because the mind cannot be without thoughts and opinions. Not choosing a “position” is a position in itself and one cannot “not communicate”. I also understand that when people do not talk about what really matters to them, they will never grow. I also don’t believe in treating symptoms but agree fully with addressing the core maladies that eat at our souls and thus interfere with the potential for us to truly connect. True connections are usually difficult to establish because they require that we confront our selves. They dare us to look deep within ourselves, to admit the positives and negatives, the guilt and victories and sometimes require us to shift our misguided positions. True tolerance would require us to confront ourselves and that is a scary place to visit. I believe if we do not sit down and become vulnerable, frank and hopeful about our relationships with each other we will never progress as a nation and as a people.
In 2009, I had the opportunity to attend the Brightest Young Minds conference in Stellenbosch. One evening a few delegates sat together in a lounge in one of the female residences. The group consisted of about nine individuals (of various races and genders). This was not planned, but the group started speaking in an anxious, yet mature and respectful manner about South Africa, race and fear.
Someone asked how do black people want to be referred to? Was the term black OK? Someone asked whether black people want all white people to stop having children and someone else asked what the others think and feel about poor white people? It was an amazing evening as the various individuals in the group felt safe enough to talk about their irritations, curiosities, fears and desires for the future in such a way that broadened the understanding of the group as a whole. I understood something regarding tolerance and the holding of opinions: even if we have different views we need to respect each other.
This kind of mature, respectful and daring communication, I believe, will assist many individuals in relating more genuinely and resolving many misunderstandings. We still have a long way to go, but I ask this now: how do we as imperfect people achieve genuine tolerance with our contemporaries and those that are yet to come?
Thabang Tlaka is an intern clinical psychologist who is currently completing his MA with the University of Pretoria
I approached a group of black colleagues at a canteen recently in the hope of casual chat over lunch, not only was I shunned, but two members started laughing amid their obvious banter in their mother tongue before moving away…
Does being white mean that I am a racist…this country has a long way to go before any racial wounds are healed.
I persisted with the remaining group at the table, mostly to save face, and in the end we all had a few laughs and went back to work.
I just don’t believe that a stranger asked to search you bags….or that you let him! Sounds more like journalist fantasy!..Otherwise a good article.
I believe that words are more powerful than swords and that we need to teach children from a young age that they must think before they speak about all the people in the listening environment and the results and consdequences of what they are thinking might have on any one of the listeners. If they wish to debate something then it should be made clear that there is going to be a debate but the debate should respect the rules and terms of all taking part as to what is acceptable. I believe that this is why people like JM and ETB were and are so contraversial. Of course one can throw the media into that as well as they deliberately challenge people to have opinions one way or another. Stereotyping and generalising lead to much misunderstanding but people do have to be held accountable. Perhaps it is in the way things are said rather than what is said that the problem lies. The use of emotive language will always lead to emotional reactions from the listeners such as fear or anger or hatred which are all negative. Public speakers should be intelligent and respectful towards their opposition at all times and should listen and actually be prepared to admit that they are incorrect/made a mistake and stand corrected. Above all we need to HAVE freedom of communicatin with each other and be mature in dealing with others differences of opinion with our own. Do unto others…
Yeah! I agree, we need to talk more about issues in SA. We are good at sweeping issues under the carpet and they always come back and bit in the rear end.
I remember last year at the Business School Expo in Sandton I attended a session about why people leave this country for countries like New Zealand and Oz. 98 percent of the people who attended where white and only about 4 blacks attended and I could feel that people had a lot to say but they just couldn’t bring themselves to say stuff in front of the 4 blacks who were there. People kept talking about crime and the deteriorating state of our infrustructure, but you could see that deep down they want to talk about AA, BEE, Corruption in the government and had we not been there it would have been a super black person bashing.
So to the author please don’t stop encouraging this kind of conversations, we need them.
when last did you hear about 4 white men robbing someone. my laptop was stolen recently, and the perpatrators wer most certainly not white. some times i wish that they were white. we have to stop trying to be so PC and be more open about our feelings. everyone has some racist feelings in theur profile, seeing as most of us have been wronged in some way be the others, but we are not neccessarily always bieng racist.comdemn the things that you see and call a spade a spade. people will apreciate this, and i think there might be more honesty amongst us. when some black taxi plays their music at full blast, i say WHY do you think that i as a white man want to listen to your black music? Im calling it as it is… why will you try and force it on me? i have that right to say that, without the other party getting tense about it. at that point, am i bieng racist? i see a taxi throw out 10 beer bottles at 80 in a predominantly white suburb. i never see a white guy do the same…. am i bieng racist, or realistic? we all think racist thoughts, but arent always racists. when people act like bafoons, they then have the right to be treated as such. live in this country with your rights to free speech.
I find this a very well written piece. Reasonable people can enter into constructive dialogue but how do you reach the “mad elements” of our society. I wrote a small tongue in the cheek piece called “Why The Problem” which you will find on my website.
Well well why don’t you check up on some statistics – the percentage of crime that blacks commit against whites and vice versa. In the USA more than 95% of crimes across the racial barrier is blacks against whites.
In Washington DC the GDP per Capita is some of the highest in the USA; with the highest violent crime rate as well. In North Dakota, where the GDP per Capita is lowest, violent crime is very rare. So if not economics what explains the difference? Percentage of black population in Washington DC is very high and very low in North Dakota. FBI keeps these stats nicely.
From the Sydney Morning Herald article (http://www.ourcivilisation.com/usa/racewar.htm) ” Blacks thus committed 7.5 times more violent inter-racial crimes than whites even though the black population is only one-seventh the size of the white population. When these figures are adjusted on a per capita basis, they reveal an extraordinary disparity: blacks are committing more than 50 times the number of violent racial crimes of whites.”
So what you will need to realize is that linking blacks with violent crime is not an irrational prejudice. (you are not in this boat alone, being white I guess blacks associate me FAIRLY with ET; Germans with Hitler; etc.)
Unfortunately, the answer to your question is: “Yes”. Unfortunate for both you and me (and all other Africans). Ask yourself if the reaction would have been very different if it was a black theology student who had lost his laptop. I think not.
I personally try to fight my own stereotyping. In the case of SA, race and crime and poverty are clearly to some extent linked. But perhaps something more is going on here. I had a laptop and hard drive stolen from a house in which we were sleeping only feet away. How the break in happened is pretty clear and the evidence against at least one linked person was clear, yet the case was not taken up fully due to low manpower. That all is a side issue, the point I would like to make is that it is relatively easy for me to deal with the material loss, and the personal violation, but emotionally I cannot deal with the loss of two years of semi-profesional photographic work, a passion for me. It did not matter what the race or background of the people were that I dealt with, I had only one focus and was determined at all costs to get my photos back. Though I know exactly what happened, it would and still could be easy for me to ignore the feelings of the people that I felt needed to be immediately questioned, though I would never be violent or impolite without good reason. Still, anyone encountering me would immediately feel and sense my urgency and intense anger, and likely take it personally, and possibly see it in terms of race, while it would have absolutely nothing to do with race or stereotyping. I understand your indignation though.
I personally try to fight my own stereotyping. In the case of SA, race and crime and poverty are clearly to some extent linked. But perhaps something more is going on here. I had a laptop and hard drive stolen from a house in which we were sleeping only feet away. How the break in happened is pretty clear and the evidence against at least one linked person was clear, yet the case was not taken up fully due to low manpower. That all is a side issue, the point I would like to make is that it is relatively easy for me to deal with the material loss, and the personal violation, but emotionally I cannot deal with the loss of two years of semi-profesional photographic work, a passion for me. It did not matter what the race or background of the people were that I dealt with, I had only one focus and was determined at all costs to get my photos back. Though I know exactly what happened, it would and still could be easy for me to ignore the feelings of the people that I felt needed to be immediately questioned, though I would never be violent or impolite without good reason. Still, anyone encountering me would immediately feel and sense my urgency and intense anger, and likely take it personally, and possibly see it in terms of race, while it would have absolutely nothing to do with race or stereotyping. I understand your indignation though.
Why did you assume that, just because he asked you – and you are black – that HE’S the racist. Maybe you were just the first people he saw when he ran out of the building. Maybe there weren’t that many other people around. Why did you assume that he asked you only because you were black?
I completely agree with you about the need for dialogue, but I think you’re the one with the chip on his shoulder. You, and many other people in this country, need to just get over yourself.
John you obviously are not living the lives we have to experience as ‘black’ people in this country. Am glad am an African so I don’t get to undergo the stuff that’s blacks go through.
I wrote about this a long time ago the idea of acceptance and not tolerance.
@clair.
do you think if the victim had encounterd white people first, he would have demanded to search their bags?
there’s an obvious negetive stereotype in this incident. most people assume the issue of racism is feuled by hate. it is rather feuled by fear of the unknown. make an effort to know why we black people are the way we are, after all we make the effort to try to know why you’re the way you are. you might find that our fears are more alike than you thought.
Excellent article. If this posting achieves that more South Africans and people examine their prejudices, it has done it’s bit to make a difference. Thanks for sharing.
Stereotyping is a starting point for many interactions, and what easier form to take than typing based on race, whether that is based on skin colour or on something less immediately apparent. Living in the UK I have no shortage of a anecdotes of meeting people in pubs who make a simple syllogism involving the accent that suggests South Africa as my place of birth and the colour of my skin that would have allowed me a pre-1994 franchise, before assuming the third strand of the syllogism to be my political support for the apartheid regime. This is neither personally true nor even statistically sound in the way Chris and others argued. But as Thabang implores us to do, we should still try to go beyond the initial cut-and-dried stereotyping, however statistically sound it may be. And as Dave said, try to learn about the other cultures around or, in my anecdotes, perhaps try to teach. It’s all about dialogue.
the first comment by a dave is by a different one than the second.
Interesting statistics Chris — now THAT is worth dialoguing about!
@Tabang Thlaka – This topic is going to be with us for a long, long time so I think it is a worthwile exercise to take it out once in a while just to measure the progress we’ve made.
@Dave 17/5 1:49pm – “it is rather feuled by fear of the unknown”
& @Murray – “Stereotyping is a starting point for many interactions”
Those two statements, put together says it all really. If black and white were to mix socially as well as on the workfront (which takes extra effort and courage initially) these debates would never happen and the “realistic racists” would simply be avoided as rather unpleasant people to be around. Racists come in all colours, genders and age groups, by the way. Still, I don’t agree with tolerance being required, one tolerate pain, it is acceptance that is necessary, acceptance of the fact that being black or white doesn’t actually change who the person inside is. I do not have much respect for any person who hides behind the statement: “we whites” or “we blacks” usually followed by smugly refering to the attributes of the best person in that group. That is so weak. But then, I’m a hoodist (suspicious of anyone wearing a hoodie and falldown pants), so I guess none of us are perfect.
@dave(2)
I find your comment offensive. The implication in your comment is that I (and other people like me – by which I assume you mean “white people”) don’t make the effort to get to know “you people”. Whereas you (and other people like you) have so valiantly tried to get to know “us”. What bull.
If I had signed myself “Dikeledi” or “Lindiwe” instead of “Claire” would your response have been different? You have already assumed that I’m white, and you have already made another set of assumptions based on that. You segregated “you” from “me”.
I also do not believe that “you people” (and I’m using your words here) have really tried to find out how “we people” are. You are perpetuating the stereotype that blacks are so noble, and that whites are so intolerant. You are perpetuating your own stereotypes, but you don’t even realise it. And this is one of the REAL problems in SA right now – the stereotype that only whites are racist, and that blacks are not. This is what allows people like Malema to spout their vitriolic, racist, misogynistic bile without fear of consequence, because he is protected by his “blackness”.
As long as we keep seeing the black and white, and not looking past that, nothing is going to change. So the guy looking for his laptop is a racist. Fine. But so is the guy that commented on it.
@Claire
Yes black people have tried to understand white people and white people have put boom gates in their surbubia, built Malls where taxis are not allowed, moved to Australia, England and even Israel! They have abused black people in rugby and cricket matches. They have hired private security to keep black people out of their neighbourhoods, so really stop it! I can go on forever!
I’ve met your type, the racist who believe it is OK to protect racists because black people are racist to. RACISM IS A BELIEF THAT ANOTHER PERSON IS INFERIOR BASED ON THEIR RACE. Show me one black person who believe this???????
I will assume that Claire you are 16(black or white it don’t matter) but really stop trying to make issues out of your own bones.