By Suntosh Pillay
“Are you living your best life?” Oprah Winfrey likes to ask. Jennifer Niesslein asked herself this, took it quite seriously, made a list of areas in her life that needed improving, and began an ambitious two-year experiment — follow with devotion the self-help gurus and their advice. In her own book Practically Perfect (in every way), we join her misadventures through the world of self-help in a bid to discover a happier life, exposing what she calls the “uniquely American” phenomenon of trying to be perfect. Of course, there’s nothing unique or American about it.
Self-improvement books have been around for ages. Jesus, Krishna and Muhammad, in the Bible, Vedas and Qur’an, began the self-help era ages ago. Even Scientology’s founding writer, L Ron Hubbard, managed to sell a strange therapeutic “cure’ to the public in the 1950’s called Dianetics. His skill at writing science fiction novels probably weakened his credibility in mental health. At the time, a leading psychoanalyst, Rollo May, wrote in the New York Times: “Books like this do harm by their grandiose promises to troubled persons and by their oversimplification of human psychological problems”. May’s criticism of Hubbard’s poorly researched claims are perhaps a default criticism of a bulk of today’s self-help manuals and “Improve your life now!” DVDs and audio CDs — they build up people’s hopes, but may further shatter their self-esteem if expectations are not met. Anyone that faithfully reads such a book is, after all, probably in a difficult stage of their life.
But self-help sells. It’s a multibillion-dollar booming industry, with its own section in every book store and a popularised genre of our time. Dr Phil and Deepak Chopra are cult-like. Oprah’s Book Club is bursting with self-enlightenment guides. Motivational speaking is now a full-time career path that merely requires excessive self-branding and above-average oratory skills to kick start a lifetime of dishing out advice. “Empowerment” and “Self-awareness” are the buzzwords of the industry. We all want to be Rich Dad, not Poor Dad. We all want to know The Secret. We’re all scrambling to find our Zen. We all want to be Highly Effective People with all seven habits, and now the eight. Don’t sweat the small stuff, we’re told by Richard Carlson, because it probably won’t matter a year from now. Maybe he’s right — I mean come on, he sold 21-million copies of his book.
People don’t buy broken products. But aha — maybe that’s where the self-help business model is perversely genius: the product is never faulty, you are. The hidden message is that if it’s not working for you, you’re probably not doing it right — try harder, be patient, you’ll get there, just believe in your (lousy) self! And now, Psychological Science, an academic journal, published a study that says repeating positive statements about yourself may actually backfire, but only if those affirmations are inauthentic and fake. Dr Joanne Wood, the author, also warns against unresearched quick fixes.
Is it a never-ending story? A search for an indefinable moment where we can truly say “I am happy and content and this is enough for me?” But who gets there, really? Material evolution is about progress; spiritual evolution is about contentment. And yet, aren’t both about getting to some “next level”? That obsession with being better, the initial impetus for Niesslein’s experiment — isn’t that what underlies the driving force of life? And that’s the paradox, isn’t it? Self-help is about improvement and contentment, at the same time.
Suntosh Pillay is an intern clinical psychologist and independent writer.
Very eloquently, and adequately, captured Suntosh! Love the conclusion: And that’s the paradox, isn’t it? Self-help is about improvement and contentment, at the same time.
Great stuff!
The irony is really that of a clinical physicologist berating self-help books! Isn’t that a conflict of interest? So are these self-help books putting you out of a job? As a clinical physicologist, modern day sangoma, would you prefer to MEDICATE people instead?
If you had a deeper understanding of the human condition, you would realize that self-help books are NOT about “improvement and contentment” but about the empowerment of human beings in their quest for happiness. An eternal quest that transcends cultures, religions and generations.
Self help mantras do nothing or very little for the reader, but does a lot for the writer/guru and they are all rich because of that.This gurus say noting new but the same old message. Can you imagine a half educated south african being told don’t worry if you visualise enough or what what you will be succesfull. That us a lot of bull and we know that. May be you should write one and get a good publicist and become rich.
I fail to capture the message. What would you say is the purpose of this article?
I think that demoting the sacred books of Christianity and Islam to the status of “self-help” books shows an apalling lack of respect. The initial, and perhaps the most important, step in the road of Salvation is to acknowledge that all human limitations, unsurmountable as the may seem at first, can be overcome with the help of the Divine Grace of God. History, in the ancient past and also at recent times, provides us with many examples of ordinary pepole who, in dire circumstances, achieved extraordinary things with the sole force of Faith. The true believer, I think, does not looks for “perfection”; on the contrary, his/her daily struggle centers in being a worthy follower of the Word.
Oprah (and our own Jenny Chris on 702) are the modern book sellers and publishers know it. Big business.
Self help? Can a R200 book do to you what 25 sessions with a psychologist (@R500 a pop) can do to you? Worth a try, is it not? Unless your medical aid pays for the psychologist.
“Material evolution is about progress; spiritual evolution is about contentment.”
Try contentment before you try material evolution and life becomes less stressful. Contentment creates peace of mind and self confidence. Self confidence radiates a person into the next level of material evolution within the abilities of that person.
Many books try to push a person into someone they are not to begin with.
Nice subject.
To bundle Jesus, Krishna and Muhammad into a wrapper called ‘self-help’ is rather shallow and indicates perhaps how little you understand of these men. When a man or woman is pregnant with something devine they can’t resist the urge to share what they know. No! I lie, you don’t understand anything of these men, you don’t know yourself. That is your condition. And the self-help industry exists because we havn’t changed one bit since Jesus walked the earth. There is a thirst to know ourselves, something that drives us, who are we, where do we come from, and where are we going to? Therein lies the roots to perhaps why you’re an intern clinical psychologist. I hope you find what you are looking for…that remains my wish…
Try reading “The Brain that Changes Itself” by Norman Doidge instead. Here you’ll find actual scientific research (in hugely readable format by the layperson – for a change) that demonstrates how our brains work, how pathways are made in our brains (i.e. how we behave) and how these can REALLY be changed. Not some airy fairy “self help” visualisation, but REAL “visualisation”, based on the principle of neuro plasticity. It’s worth the effort, believe me.
@ Dave Harris: a), you spell it wrong twice – psychologist, not physicologist! b) clinical psychologists are not legally allowed to prescribe drugs (that’s for psychiatrists to do), so Suntosh cannot be threatened by the self-help phenom on that score.
I agree with Suntosh. I’ve known many people who are ‘addicted’ to self-help in various forms. They think they are infinitely perfectable – and they blame themselves when they don’t achieve the pinnacles of perfection they aim at. This is so sad. They could be living quite contented lives, achieving reasonable goals and contributing to society. Instead they live in constant discontent.
A well written piece. We all agree with your sentiment…
The central point for me is that each of us has profound limitations, boundaries we cannot cross, no matter how hard we try. But we can try to learn to be better people.
A few self help books have had a profound impact on the world. Think of “How to win friends and influence people” or “The Greatest Man in Babylon” or Norman Vincent Peel’s many books or Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Travelled” (or whichever are your favourites).
@ Dave Harris – What is fascinating is that large scale (and often repeated) research shows that Freud based self-help is certainly counterproductive (performs worse than the placebo group) but that medication provides considerable short-term relief to most people (good to moderate relief to approximately 70% versus 45% for placebo). CBT type exercises are more effective than medication (75% and usually some lasting impact) but they are not well known, for example there isn’t a CBT practitioner in Natal (to my knowledge). There is not a CBT book on Amazon’s bestseller list!
The reason is that techniques like CBT are hard work and require dedication and in the “sound byte” world we live in, we want a book called “A perfect life, instantaneously, with absolutely no effort” written by MakeMe A. MillionaireNow.
We tend to follow fashion and don’t ask the difficult questions like what percentage of people using your system will report some improvement.
Speaking contentment: I found mine in a special relationship with Jesus. Allowing Him entry into my life means I’m resting in Him — and that brings contentment. Highly recommended. Better than many selfhelp books that I have also read. No author, no self-actualization programme can really do it for you. It’s self-denial that is needed. Less of you and more of Him. Let Jesus fill you up. Experience the peace that goes above all understanding, as is promised in the Bible.
Quite correct: SELF-HELP books are perversely genius and about making million of rands for the writer. Perhaps Deepak Chopra should cahrge reasonable fees for his talks at the ICC; it’s the same old message repacked in different words. Ashwin. K. Singh
@john bond – “We tend to follow fashion and don’t ask the difficult questions like what percentage of people using your system will report some improvement.” – I really like your approach. If I look at the ‘Born again Christian/Bible-believing’ movement over the past 5 years since I’ve been involved in it, this ‘system’ provides an unbelievable success rate in REMOVING problems and not just providing a way to manage or deal with the problems. Jesus said that He came so that we may have life and His ‘system’ really does that! – the bible is way beyond a self-help book and provides a way for us to spiritually connect with our Creator in a way that transcends both body and soul – give it a try!
Isn’t this a product of the commoditization of our lives? The quest to be exactly the same, homogeneous,..perfect?! The human McDonald’s burger. Easily packaged, managed and classified – how comforting. Perhaps we should start to celebrate our quirks and differences, be uniquely me (and flawed?) Use it, don’t use it…!
Under certain circumstances clinical psychologists, psychologists, psychiatrists do prescribe medication. Together with their collaborators in the medical profession and pharmaceutical industry, they are the modern day drug pushers. In some cases, medication is of great benefit to some but to most its unwarranted. But hey, the medical aid is paying so who cares.
Its easy to overlook the conflict of interest that arises when a clinical psychologists derides self-help books but its ultimately detrimental to us all.
@john Bond
Yes, not all self-help books are equal, in fact most are simply money-making schemes…its a case of buyer beware.
@A.K. Singh
Yeah? So if “it’s the same old message repacked in different words”, how come you can’t do the same? Lots of great books and music share the same traits – “it’s the same old message repacked in different words”.
The bottom line of most religious text is self respect which equals self love.. and self –help books affirm similar principles of self-respect. Perhaps some of them are shallow but rat race lifestyles means that people are wanting things that appear to be quick fixes. I don’t think these books will ever be a substitute for going through the process of life… they merely serve as reminders or an invitation to the work that needs to be done if we want to survive and live alongside one other.
@ Dave Harris
We accept “the prescription drug cartel” is an evil part of our fight against mental disturbance but the most carefully controlled studies show efficacy from most prescribed psychological drugs. It is not easy to say to a severely depressed individual, “hey guy, just go and commit suicide because anti-depressants are just a giant evil cartel, you mustn’t take them!”. We all know that medication won’t give long term benefits but while on the medication, he lifts out that black hell and lives to fight his depression in other ways.
Scientists have now studied tens of millions of people and we know what works for people with psychological problems. It is a holistic approach involving counselling that works (not Freud), medication, diet, 30 minutes exercise, and probably spirituality. Family support and a social network also give a good positive result.
Now the question is, can we extrapolate this to people that are more normal. I truly believe we can. I believe that people who approach life holistically do better.
Perhaps the most exciting finding though is those psychologically challenged who have studied their problems most deeply cope almost twice as well as normal patients. Those people, who own their illness, know the latest research and discuss their treatment with their doctors, do even better.
I believe we can also extrapolate that to normal people. We all have shortcomings and the person who knows his deficiencies and deals with them will lead a far more fulfilling life.
Bu how do you know which is your ‘best life’? Doesn’t our opinion on most things change – with age and with gained experience? And how can one be sure that the ‘improvement’ we try to necessitate or impose – on ourselves or our children, for example, is the best thing for us/them?
@john Bond
“… extrapolate that to normal people. We all have shortcomings and the person who knows his deficiencies and deals with them will lead a far more fulfilling life.”
Yes, most, not all, self-help books prefer to accentuate the positive aspects of individuals to gradually pull them in the right direction through an empowerment process by revealing certain universal truths (self-knowledge) that shore up confidence and hope. The basic modus operandi of the therapist on the other hand, is a one-size-fits-all approach that relies on the individual discovering these truths by serendipity through a prescriptive process (from comments above-R500 therapy sessions). Unfortunately if that doesn’t work then simply MEDICATE the bastards.
Medication works and makes us happier but we remain mere drug-addicts if, as you correctly point out, we don’t couple the medication with the hard work on changing our own perspectives. Similar to how diet pills are abused. When one eventually ends up depending on drugs to maintain ones state of happiness, guess who benefits the most? Remember the medical profession, medical aid and pharmaceutical industry all lie in the same bed at night, they often invite a few politicians into the same bed as a goodwill gesture to sweeten things up. Similarly, this strange article seems out of place considering the worldwide move to empower normal people to become self-sufficient in creating their own happiness.
@john Bond
“most carefully controlled studies show…”
Most of these studies are sponsored by big pharma in some direct or indirect way. Guess who donates the most to our universities and other research institutions.
@ Dave Harris
Have you ever worked with psycholocically challenged individuals? Have you ever witnesses their pain? Have you ever seen the terrible social stigma they have to deal with?
Judging by your response, I think not…
I would rather allow these individuals to medicate that pain, than let it go untended! I think it is barbaric to force such individual to bear this torment.
None of the current psychological medication is addictive. If you wish to challenge this assertion, please show me the research.
A lot of the mental health research is funded by the large pharmaceuticals but various government institutions fund most of it. The most notable is the US NMHI but also Danish, British, Japanese, German etc. Unfortunately, most of this fascinating research remains unknown to the public. There is a growing bias in the studies against medication in order to be politically correct, in spite of this, between 70 and 74% of medicated individuals on the modern drugs show relief. What is also interesting is that Lithium, an old medication, remains most effective for bipolar depression.
BUT
The research also shows that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) remains the most effective and also the treatment with the best long term benefits. What is interesting is that this technique wasn’t even taught to our SA psychology students. We then expect these future psychologists to deal with our current mental illness epidemic.
@john Bond
I think we taking about the masses of “normal” people here that gravitate to self-help books and not the mentally (I have difficulty spelling the other word and my spell checker sucks) challenged. I haven’t worked with mentally challenged people but I understand how medication can be a lifesaver for them. Point taken.
The debate has been enriching everyone, and the comments very thoughtful.
It’s interesting looking back upon my writing process and reflecting on what I chose to edit.
Most notably: “maybe that’s where the self-help business model is perversely genius: the product is never faulty, you are. The hidden message is that if it’s not working for you, you’re probably not doing it right — try harder, be patient, you’ll get there, just believe in your (lousy) self”. I originally wrote, and then edited it for some (unconscious?) reason: “maybe that’s where the self-help AND PSYCHOTHERAPY model is perversely genius…”
I do practice my profession with a healthy dose of critical reflection, and certainly a closer reading of this article would show that I am not against Self-help, I was merely battling with what I saw as a paradox. If more people read self-help, our waiting lists in government hospitals would certainly decrease, and I happily welcome that!
The ensuing debate has been helpful. Thanks.
PS. My own training at UKZN, Pietermaritzburg did introduce us to CBT, though psychodynamic psychotherapy does seem to dominate the field in South Africa. Also, psychologists cannot prescribe medication, at all, under any circumstances, in this country. We refer to psychiatrists for this purpose.
(mmmh, bedtime reading: Stephen Covey or The Secret.. decisions, decisions…) !
No, please, tell me you’re joking!
Seriously, I repeat a suggestion I made above:
Do yourself a favour and rather read The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, himself a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. He recounts immensely readable stories on the frontiers of Brain Science, notably important discoveries in the field of Neuroplasticity. Our plastic brain. It’s been an eye opener in so many ways.
Suntosh – you got us thinking…
“maybe that’s where the self-help business model is perversely genius: the product is never faulty, you are. The hidden message is that if it’s not working for you, you’re probably not doing it right — try harder, be patient, you’ll get there, just believe in your (lousy) self”
A truly frightening paragraph… but oh so absolutely true!
It reminds me of a school associate from an orthodox and strict religious family. 40 years ago, society’s views were even more myopic than they are today. He was “queer” and could see no other way out so he committed suicide.
Modern genetic science shows that transgender (his affliction) is inherited, a “gift” of GOD so to speak, a girl psyche that was born in a male body. This is not some character defect so you can’t even fight your supposed weak spirit.
We attribute many of our distorted and perverse norms to morality, justice, honour. We even try to use GOD’s name to justify them and the atrocities they cause.
Maybe the Hindus are right, maybe we have much less free will than we like to think. Maybe, much of our lives are “written” or pre-ordained. AA tells us the secret is to change what we can, to accept what we cannot and to know the difference. It is not as easy as it sounds.
As self-help reading may I suggest Roald Dahl’s “Charlie and the chocolate factory
@john bond: “None of the current psychological medication is addictive. If you wish to challenge this assertion, please show me the research.”
I have seen articles which call some of these drugs “brain altering” drugs. I do not know if one can reverse the alterations naturally or with “counter brain altering” drugs. Both would benefit the same pharmaceutical industry.
@ Karin
But Martin Seligman is also a leading expert on neuroplasticity, read his book “What you can change and what you can’t”, an Amazon Best Seller. His research is based on large scale studies, not just individual patient but hundreds of thousands, in multiple studies!!!
He doesn’t paint as rosy a picture…
I tend to avoid anecdotal evidence and I pay attention to what works for the masses. Maybe I am just old fashioned but too often, I’ve heard comments like “Jack gave up coffee and all his XXX problems vanished, you should do the same” to treat hearsay with a good dose of caution.
Thank you. I take your point. Went directly to Amazon to have a look, but a little put off by the book’s cover : The Complete Guide to Successful Self Improvement. Well, you see, that is just exactly what I am NOT looking for. Another guide to self improvement.
Doidge’s book is not a self help book. What it is, is a scientific report on the adaptability of the human brain. Well, so many books, so little time. To each his own.
Thanks for the interesting discussion.
Benzol – You are right but please don’t be offended if I define your term “Mind Altering”. I assume you mean something that changes the structure of your brain.
Did you know that Einstein’s brain was extremely light. It has been assumed that the lightness or low density was due to the higher amount of blood vessels his brain had. Intense thinking requires lots of oxygen and lots of blood. Scientists speculate he had changed the structure of his brain through his thinking.
Many drugs change our brains, but caffeine in coffee & Coke, sugar, chocolate, alcohol, Omega 3 in fish and a huge variety of other things we consume also change our brains.
Religion is also mind altering, as is meditation and exercise. Learning and the pursuit of knowledge also changes the structure of your brain. I find the pursuit of knowledge addictive, but is it really? Even performing large amounts of creative work changes your brain structure.
Which of the above should we ban???
@john Bond,
Nobody is speaking of banning anything! This is a discussion of the paradox of a clinical psychologist deriding books that empower individuals to solve their own problems and create more happiness in their lives.
Why is “changing the brain” supposed to be “bad” thing? Our survival depends on our adaptability to change! Its HOW we change the brain that matters. Is it a change generated through our own efforts that can lead to us greater happiness and peace or is it a change that enslaves us to constant medication to maintain our happiness level?
Again, this is not a discussion of mentally challenged people who need medication, but of “normal” people going through the trials and tribulations of life that get suckered into using medication to enrich the medical establishment who are turning out to be modern day legalized drug-dealers!
@Suntosh
“just believe in your (lousy) self”
This is not what reputable self-help books advocate. “lousy self” could not be any further from the truth! Take the time to speak to someone who truly understands the Vedas, Bible…
“psychologists cannot prescribe medication….We refer to psychiatrists”
Ever heard of the buddy system. How ethical do you really think the medical profession can EVER be considering the influences of big pharma? In due time you will learn that most psychologists ultimately have little say or are caught up in the corruption of the medical establishment.
@ Dave Harris
What can you change about your character, and what can’t you change
Studies are now showing us what we can change, huge studies and lots of them. However, this is often at odds with the self-help industry. Read Martin Seligman book with this title. There are huge areas we can change, for example I am badly challenged dyslexic and do not have a Matric. When I left school, I could not read or write. I do have a Masters degree plus many other qualifications and I wrote this response.
I write responses to these blogs to exercise my brain. I have taught sections of my brain that do other functions to handle my character recognition. I will never be able to spell and my sentence construction and grammar are unique but I HAVE LEARNED to read and write. Every day, I am aware of how this change really is. I also have other shortcomings that I will not be able to change much, for example my self-regulation. I have spent a lifetime trying without success and I now find that people with my type of character profile almost never control their self-regulation.
So I am a useless dumb a$$ho!e who cant control his self-regulation. But hey, that’s how GOD made me.
The trick is, as I said earlier, change what you can, accept what you can’t, and know the difference. The problem is we usually don’t know the difference…
@john Bond
Its truly admirable that you largely overcame your dyslexia through self-effort…quite a feat!
Again, I do understand that there is much we can change in our neural pathways on our own. Our point of difference is HOW we go about changing our brains.
The studies that you allude to only serve to support the idea that we can change our brains through self-effort -the central theme of reputable self-help books!
“The trick is, as I said earlier, change what you can, accept what you can’t, and know the difference. The problem is we usually don’t know the difference… ”
Given time, we can learn about the differences ourselves. The problem is the moronic medical establishment that speak with such authority about things they themselves know very little about – THE BRAIN and then they embark on a marketing campaign to tell you all the things that you cannot change and are quick offer you medication (paid for by our medical aid their buddies) and giving you medication to drug you into being happy.
Dave – for once we TOTALLY agree, but it’s not just pharmaceuticals, it is also a large part of psycho-analysis, many self help books, almost all weight loss and a good part of our advertising.
I have a theory that what we can change is an evolution thing. The more primitive the brain or body organ, the more difficult it is for us to change. I doubt we can change anything in our reptilian brain and not much in our hippocampus. We can change a lot in our frontal lobe, particularly those functions related to reading, maths, interpretation etc.
So finding a different way to route character interpretation between the eye and brain is possible because humans only developed this skill a couple of thousand years ago. Learning to keep excessive weight off our bodies is nearly impossible because the mechanism is thousands of millions of years old. Research shows the over 99% of people who attempt to keep slim fail while more than two thirds of dyslexics who are treated learn some form of reading.
What bucks my theory is emotion, a very primitive response. We can attenuate (tone down) our emotion. Emotion appears to be experienced by the whole body, usually reaching the frontal lobe of the brain and conscienceness last (several hundred milliseconds after the skin reacts for example).
As you say, we know so little about the brain, and how we think! Yet it is the organ that has been most researched.
Goodness me! You people are tearing this little thing to pieces. I can see a book coming: ‘How to get over that selfhelp book and start living, now’, probably published by an American, hence the ‘now’ bit. Why don’t you all go outside and play? Surely, that would be closer to reality than this? Mmm?