(I must be out of my flippin’ tree! … Writing this particular blog, I mean. Might just as well swim out past the shark nets after acupuncture. Oh well, bring ‘em on …)
Let’s be perfectly clear on one thing. I do not particularly like David Bullard. I would not invite the man to dinner, nor would I buy him a drink. I did, however, shake his hand when I bumped into him at a bookstore, saying: “I’m glad you lived to tell the tale.” (This after he survived an attack by armed intruders.)
I don’t particularly like him because he has never written anything that made me think: “Wow, I wish I had thought of that!” Au contraire, his views about the world in general and South Africa in particular tend to be niggardly persnickety hair-splitting diatribes.
But, they are bloody well-written niggardly persnickety hair-splitting diatribes.
I confess! I turn first to Bullard’s column when I open the Sunday Times on Monday morning. (If you must know, I then open the magazine and read the comics, starting with Prince Valiant. I then hop across to the leader page to check out the Mampara of the Week. I then flip through the paper to count the ever-increasing number of pro-Zuma stories, et cetera, et cetera. But I digress.)
David Bullard knows how to string a sentence together, and does it well. He knows how to rub people the wrong way, and does it well. That’s his job.
Note, for example, this commentary on the Sexual Offences Act making kissing illegal for under-16s:
“In fact, I have it on good authority that the ANC is to disband the Scorpions and form a new, elite squad of police officers trained to recognise smudged lipstick on a 15-year-old boy’s mouth at 100 metres.
“The SnogSquad, as they are to be known, will also be trained to analyse the type of kiss. Without even having to interrogate the shamed offenders, they will be able to tell whether it was a friendly peck on the cheek, a gentle kiss on the lips or a full tongue sucking with some butt squeezing thrown in for good measure. That’s obviously going to be essential evidence when it comes to deciding the length of the jail term.
“Rather like the traffic cops hanging out on suburban backstreets nabbing soft targets such as speeding moms, expect the SnogSquad to go for soft targets. The international arrivals lounge at OR Tambo is an obvious place. Picture the scene: Tracy, aged 15, fresh from the KLM flight clears customs and makes it to the arrivals hall to be greeted by Clint, her childhood sweetheart, who plants a kiss on her cheek and whispers something really criminal such as “missed you, welcome home”. Within seconds the SnogSquad have them in handcuffs and they’re on their way to a crowded police cell to await trial with the usual sprinkling of rapists and murderers. Another hectic day in the life of a crime-fighting cop.”
Or this, with regard to the now infamous FBJ meeting:
“Try as I may (and believe me I really have tried), I simply haven’t managed to summon any splenetic indignation at not being allowed to attend the Forum of Black Journalists’ cosy little chat with Jacob Zuma on the basis of my skin colour.
“To be absolutely honest, I had a far better offer on that particular Friday and I doubt if I would have easily given up lunch with a gorgeous brunette and a nicely chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc in exchange for a room full of sweaty hacks and a few words of wisdom from the accused.”
It reminds me of that saying: “It takes a big man to cry. It takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.” As I said: bloody well-written niggardly persnickety hair-splitting diatribes.
So, let’s take a look at the column that ostensibly got him fired, specifically this comment:
“Every so often a child goes missing from the village, eaten either by a hungry lion or a crocodile. The family mourn for a week or so and then have another child.”
Yes, it’s in appallingly bad taste, but he’s describing a fictional situation! It’s satire! That’s his job!
And here is my take on what’s wrong with this picture. In all my years in journalism (first byline in 1980), every newspaper I have worked for has had a range of checks and balances in place before a column sees print.
Surely, if a writer is a satirical columnist who offends people on a regular basis, there is even stronger reason why vetting of the column should take place before it hits print? In this case, there should have been the copy taster, the chief sub-editor, the page-layout sub, the copy sub, the revise sub, the editor of Business Times and, finally, the editor. Surely someone in that chain of command (a) read the column; and (b) was concerned enough about tastelessness, to (c) bring it to the attention of the writer and ask him to change it, failing which, (d) ask the editor to intervene?
It is my conjecture that none of those worthies went through that process with Bullard’s column. Result: like many potentially offensive or sometimes libellous pieces in so many publications, it went through un-subbed. A hue and cry ensued. The vicious dogs bayed for blood. They got it.
Editor Mondli Makhanya is quoted in Business Day as saying the newspaper’s “systems failed” and by News24 as saying that the Sunday Times had “messed up” by allowing the column to be published in the first place. “At some point the system should have picked it up and it shouldn’t have gone into the paper,” he said. “I take the blame for that.”
I take my hat off to Mondli for that. It’s unheard of for an editor to accept culpability these days. He can impress me even further if he gives Bullard a solid snotklap and then puts him back to writing, while firing those worthies in “the system” who messed up (oh, and if he gives Jon Qwelane space next to Bullard).
(NB: To Xolela Mangcu, who was “delighted” about Bullard’s firing, saying “Imagine a German columnist making remarks about the Holocaust” — any comparison of anything with the Holocaust is sloppy analysis. Do an internet search for “Holocaust trivialisation” if you want to learn why this is so.)
@Kanthan Pillay
If satirist have a licence to insult other racist, then we need more black satirist.
I wonder if Pillay would have felt the same way if David was attacking Indians. As much as I did not support Mbongeni Ngema’s song that attacked Indian people I found David Bullard’s articles disgusting.
On the positive note, I think David Bullard’s services are really needed in DA or any newspapers that are in the mission of making blacks feel inferior.
May David’s insults rest in peace
Thanks to Kino Kamis of 702, he brought him to the show last night, and guess what? Mathole Motshekga was there with the Cigar smoking Mampara. His tail got beneath his feet when the professor started engaging him on history lessons.
He taught him some few lessons about civilisation in Africa, to the point of admission of ignorance.
This guy does not even know what Mapunkubye is, and yet he goes on to write gabbege about blacks not knowing what gold is. The other ignorant white chap called in to claim that the gold atrifacts in Mapungubye were of chinese origin, hey wake up and smell the coffee.
Equally so, there are other ignorant coaconuts that think DB was not racist, hey which country are you in? Before you realise it you’ll be demeaned to the dwarf sized creature ever.
And the actual point Kanthan was making disappears like a fart in the wind in the ensuing feeding frenzy…
Mathole Motshekga Taught him a history 101 lesson last night on the 702 Kino Kamis show, about how the Mapunkubye people in ZIM did their artifacts from GOLD. He admitted to be ignorant like many others who think he’s not racist.
You are out of your tree. I wasn’t really offended by the article, but I thought it was bizzarely demented, I prefer reading Ben Trovato for that sort of thing.
I’m really glad that Bullard’s reign of crap is over, I’ve never liked his column and I find this disgraceful exit to be very pleaseing, I think I may treat myself to lunch.
Consultation Failure by the Engineer on history matters. We agreed on a lot of issues before, especiallly the Israel Palastine debucle, but for you to say that:
“The Bushmen and San people never invited you here as well. The Negroid Nguni people came and ruined whatever life they had here. Southern africa for the San. Why don’t the Nguni head back to the Cameroun basin where they originate”.
Consult archeologists like Professor Phillip Tobias about the fossils remains found in the Magaliesburg that dates way back BC; the thing with our history is, it’s distorted by the Bullardism type ignorance and lack of consultation on the Engineers side. I have always contested that notion that itumeleng’s descendents are from central Africa,the San were further South.
Some assignment for you, go visit the craddle of humankind for more lessons about the oldest fossils on earth and tell me something in contrast to the garden of eden.
Sorry, I meant Itumelen’s Ancestors.
@katse
Be careful that you don’t agree with me too much or the liberals and lefties will also call you a white supremacist and nazi. That is the level of their debating skill.
Now that would be even funnier than calling amused reader a nazi and supremacist. Just think how popular you would be – the first Black white supremacist – transformation of the pro-white movement!
small things amuse small minds. i always beleived the editor of the sunday times was way above this petty childlessness about racism. if you dont like something dont read it. i am now deprived of my best read every sunday.
Let’s try to really understand what happened here. Irrespective of David Bullards fantastic writing skills and ability to comment (often controversially) he was fired for his racist column. Those individuals that choose to lament his excellent career miss the point that this was a singular outcome based on a singular act. The column written on its own, as if it was Bullard’s first, would most certainly not receive the same positive backing from so many readers. To say any race is lazy, stupid or without the capacity to innovate is in my view an invitation to (a) receive criticism and (b) hope that you can defer such criticism under the guise of freedom of speech. I understand it is Bullard’s opinion and I am a fan of his writing style but I assure you that the freedom of speech in South Africa is in no way hindered by the firing of one columnist as can be seen by the varied (and excellent) responses for and against Bullard we have already seen by Kanthan, Anne and co. I find it hard to believe that in the current South Africa people still choose to back such an article. It’s undeniable that the column has generated debate which is in my opinion good for the country, but the racist element is in the method in which it was presented. In general to state a thesis such as Bullard’s I believe at the very least some sort of empirical evidence or logic is needed. Again, I understand it is his opinion, but Bullard presents his outcome without helping the reader understand what empirical evidence he has to support his outcome, or at least giving us insight into the logic and thought process on which he formed his opinion. In other words it was an emotional column and an emotional reaction was reaped.
@christie
You are contradicting yourself here.
You say, “if you dont like something dont read it.” which means that people should exercise their freedom of choice. That is a good advice. But later, to contradict yourself, you say “i am now deprived of my best read every sunday.” C’mon Christie! What don’t you just exercise your freedom of choice and stop buying Sunday Times when it does no longer have elements that make it, “my best read every sunday.”?
Bye Big Mind!
@Consulting Engineer
David Chapelle was the first black-white supremacist
Wow! Is this debate still raging? (Ndumiso: I now understand what you mean. Thank you. I am enlightened. Next time, I will bring Vaseline.)
The Yfm news team has done an interview with M’sieu Bullard. The link is
http://echo.yfm.co.za:9920/podcasts/News_Podcast_2008-04-15_19-01-55.mp3
@Bheka Mkhize: I dunno about you but I am a native of Gondwana. With a name like Mkhize, your ancestors probably are too. We are brothers. Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gondwanaland for a look at our joint history.
@Kanthan
The point I’m making here is that whilst I’m still breathing I will not anyone to insult my ancestors, whether they do that as satirist or what, I don’t care. Secondly, as much as I believe in reconciliation I don’t believe in “re-insultation” in whatever packaging. Thirdly, I wonder would have happened to David Bullard if he wrote the same article in Nigeria or Cameroon. South Africans are really pushed too far.
Can somebody please tell me exactly where David Bullard SAID that blacks are lazy? I read a comment by a black woman on another site, that said that Bullard said “blacks are so lazy they position their houses to catch the most sun”. She was very offended by this. But he did not ever say that. Other remarks have stated the same. How exactly does the positioning of your home portray laziness??
@Gavin
“Can somebody please tell me exactly where David Bullard SAID that blacks are lazy?”
He already apologised, so we call all go out to lunch, no need to read between the lines anymore.
and to Kanthan, would you next time spare us that Biblical face look by defending something you don’t even understand?
Wow! I must have noticed dozens of racist remarks here, from people of different colours, nogal. Thankfully, they are not likely to lose their jobs for their indisretions and aspersions.
Since I stopped buying the Sunday Times a year ago (after 18 years), I didn’t read ‘the’ column. I stopped buying ST because it was eternally filled with tripe that I did not wish to read and the price per entertainment value had surpassed my plastic ceiling. The Metro section assumed that only Indians live in KZN and some of the ex-struggle contributors appeared to me to be unusually racist. Poor Bullard was often the only antidote to parliamentary and political diatribes by people who seemed to me, to have totally ‘lost’ the plot. Even the TV section had morphed into a load of codswallop with cartoons so small I needed a magnifying glass.
A year later, I miss only two things: ‘Out to Lunch’ and the Sudoku, telling me that it really was not worth all the money I invested in it for years.
I have been called a slut and a whore on SAFM, for my sin of smoking and have listened to more random insults by call-in radio guests than I care to remember. A few too, by the presenters, none of whom, apart from John, appear to have been chastised. I switched my radio off. I still think that I am entitled to an ‘English’ channel, by virtue of the fact that the other official languages have theirs.
I also now fail to watch sufficient TV to know what Eskom’s latest load is. A touch of intelligence in that quarter would be much appreciated.
Point is only that we are all different and all the same. What makes me laugh will make others cry. Making too much fuss simply exposes our vulnerabilities. I’m glad Bullard still has space. He made me laugh and I shall now seek him out in different places. I do that with all my favourite writers and so should you.
Satire?
is satire not supposed to be S u b t l e?
No Kanthan that column was – simply – that othet 6 letter word that starts with an “S”
rene