I read another self-published novel the other day … the author told me it’s really hard getting published. I read his book. There are reasons they don’t publish everyone’s book. Writing is hard. Writing well is almost impossible. After putting his book down, hard, I wept to know that there are now suicide writers as well. And they’ll try to take you with them. I left the book on the threshold of my house, terrified to invite it in. It sucked, you see.
Mark Banks is a wise man. He once said, “the most dangerous thing about amateurs is that they’re fearless”. Wow is he right. This guy had a title and a cover. He boasted how quickly he’d written the thing. I just worry that trying to be proud of my country includes not lynching locals for crimes against reading.
God knows the world needs readers. Forget about donating blood; learn something new today. On that topic, there is an uproar here about the blood bank’s refusal to accept “gay blood”. How one recognises gay blood I’m not sure. Perhaps it contains homoglobin.
We’re about to have a police inquiry into the death of a young woman who was skydiving. She died of hitting the ground, end of discussion. If you willingly do something called sky diving you are not allowed to be surprised if you die.
In fact, when they see you reading the brochure for skydiving, they should aim the cellphone at your ovaries and dial Hong Kong or tie your balls off with an elastic band. I know the arguments, I understand the odds. Friends, the odds fall away when you hit the ground, and your chances of dying as you do so rise rapidly every time you don’t. I’m not interested in the idea of falling to prove that I’m free.
Maybe I’m a weed. I’ll live with that. Notice my use of the word “live” there. See how effortlessly the concept rolls off my keyboard. I like living. I like having sex and getting warm and eating when I’m hungry. I enjoy intrigue and vision and reading. I don’t think I’d enjoy falling out of the sky, wasting my final breath on a scream and hearing the sickening splat as I burst.
And all this so I can wear a T-shirt that proves that I’m crazy to other people.
Skydiving is for amateurs. They’re fearless.
You know, of course, the difference between skydiving and golf? It’s in the sound effects.
In golf you hear SPLAT – “Shit!”
In skydiving you hear “Shit!” – Splat
Loved it – and so true.
New medical terminology – homoglobin. Fabulous!
Thanks John, a very entertaining read. Gay blood may contain ‘homoglobin’…hilarious.
Enjoyed your piece John. Now, off to race my bike…
And Cathy heaves a huge sigh of relief, at least we have a whole week to gather our strength for the next negative onslaught…… So Rose gather those counter moves, I just know we are going to need them, soon !
@ John – reading – a big hear, hear ! and well writ as always…
Oh, and about the skydiving and “gay” blood thing, speechless…
@John I enjoyed pour post. Some people have a personal need to take up things like sky diving and that is fine by me. I am like you I do not have this particular need but I do recognise that people generally have a need, I think, to try to master things in their lives that they find personally challenging.
Hahaha…on all counts. Good read. Peace Bro
Homoglobin, epic. Absolute lack of moral blood cells.
If that sucky book was, well, sucky, why didn’t the author put it online instead? Saves on trees, and lets you hit the Undo key. Just saying.
oh lol loved the article John
!!!
Add bungy and rafting to that pointless list of cheap unskilled thrill seeking endevours that people do to say they have. They do so in an effort to project that super socially sought after badge that says they defy fear and death. Actually some hairy student and the equiment does it all for them and if either fails…so do the fearless thrill seekers.
It is true that the world needs readers. It could be true that there are no publishers left because they have killed off all the readers with tediously formulaic material.Could Joyce have ever been published in today’s antipathetic publishing environment. Curiously there are more educated people on the planet today than at any time since reading was invented, and there are fewer readers than ever before. Book sales are in decline planet wide.
So thank you for demonstrating why reading is hard, never mind writing … It is so difficult to sustain a thought long enough to write an entire short blog on the same subject…eg: note drift from: from reading to skydiving… with a little dash of happiness in the form of homoglobin… one word doth not reading material make, notwithstanding that it was a cool word.
Yes writing is more than hard, It is ultimately pointless. In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man is not king he is ignored. Those of us who insist on doing it must be suffering from some terrible disease … Perhaps it is true than a fool and his/her words are soon parted.In retrospect i should have continued to sell real estate; it was undoubtedly a more fruitful albeit numbingly tedious occupation than endlessly writing stuff almost no one wants to read…
It was depressing enough to read your blog without having to accept the truth that you are right… Time for the bullet.
“Friends, the odds fall away when you hit the ground, and your chances of dying as you do so rise rapidly every time you don’t.”
Your chances of dying are the same every time you jump, regardless of how many times you’ve jumped before (mutually exclusive events). If anything the extra experience gained over time decrease the odds of dying.
@Andy – You are absolutely right, in terms of logic, Andy, but interestingly, some research on skydivers does reveal that many accidents involve experienced skydivers – the advanced level of experience can lead to complacency in certain personality types – so in a way – survival could be seen as a contributor to later catastrophe. These events would be mutually exclusive if a machine was jumping, but there is a non-statistical hangover from previous jumps that you haven’t factored in – swagger. Experts understand the numbers, my fascination is the human factor.
@John – Interesting thoughts on psychology there. My comment on the statistics was just a reaction to the commonly held layman belief that a coin is more likely to land on tails after several successive heads.
It would be interesting to know if all factors in the skydiving research were controlled for. I would expect more risky tricks and manoeuvres to be a natural step to take with increased experience. There could be other factors too, such as fatigue and equipment stress after closely spaced jumps.
I believe this constant ‘adrenaline chasing’ along with the associated tolerance build-up afflicts many extreme sports practitioners, quite similar to drug addicts.
Well, on the topic: ‘writing is hard’…may I suggest that the writing and publishing of books should be tackled similarly to the marketing and selling of most other commodities, ie: identify your market; identify the needs of that market and sell, sell, sell….?
So, what is the market? A specific group/s of Human beings; what are the emotional needs of that market?[considering that the reading of a book feeds the emotions mostly], Sex, love, revenge, danger, religion…Stray outside of these categories and you are going uphill.
The rest amounts to ‘manufacture’ [printing & binding], then advertising and selling, just like you would if you were doing Smarties. Eh?
Dunno, never written a book…
@Mark P – I hope you’re being ironic.
What you’re talking about results in the infamous “Hardy Boys” series of books as well as the numerous romance novels in supermarkets and later John Grisham novels.
I’d rather be a failed artist than a successful manufacturer.
@Mark P – Andy for President.
Guess this is why I find it tough to talk to strippers…
@Andy: OI!! How dare you speak like that of [our] ‘Hardy Boys’!? Shame on you sir!!
@ John: “Andy for president”…Mark P for Prime minister. Andy’s [balmy] vision & my ‘manufacturing’ skills….might just work….
Ps: I am a part-time muso – I am thus very well acquainted with the prevailing apathy for the Arts.
Good luck chaps.
L0L! If you willingly do something like sky diving you shouldn’t be surprised when you die ineed!