I received a forwarded horrific tweet moments ago. The tweet in question came from Durex SA, and went as follows:
@DurexSA: Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up. #DurexJoke
When I pointed out to them that this endorsed violence against women, their response was:
@FeministsSA We have posted many jokes, see our timeline … and they not violent against woman! Re-read it!!!!!
Once again I was reminded that violence against women remains a joke to most South Africans, and that there is little understanding of the connection of social messages that sanction this violence (eg invite men to use their penises as a weapon) to the violence itself. Durex SA, you’ve really cocked it up here. Using one’s penis to “shut someone up” sounds a lot like rape to me. If you’re not sure what the definition is, feel free to have a read of the Sexual Offences Act. Forced oral sex is rape.
I’m not going to spend this post spewing statistics about the high incidence of violence against women, because you can read them yourself on the SAPS webpage. It is important to understand that violence against a particular group does not arise out of nowhere, and the frequent perpetration of this violence by men is not a coincidence in SA where jokes like those with the hashtag #DurexJoke are popular. I want to talk about this social sanction of messages that promote violence.
Norms and myths sustain our social identities. They help us understand the expected interactions between ourselves and others. Norms are themselves sustained by our actions. It is a self-perpetuating cycle. Norms that say men’s most important attribute is their penis, and that a woman better celebrate that by taking what she can get, are part of rape culture, which I argue is bad for everyone.
South Africa has an incredibly powerful rape culture. This culture is sustained by many things: low conviction rates for perpetrators, an unpleasant criminal justice system that alienates survivors and reduces reporting, a history of South African violence, and inequality among the sexes. It is also sustained by our laughter at jokes that condone violence against women. Rape is not funny.
According to Rape Crisis Cape Town Trust’s website, myths about rape have the following negative effects for survivors:
* Increasing the trauma experienced by the sexual-offence victim.
* Encouraging prejudice regarding the liability of both the victim and the accused in the matter.
* Slowing down or preventing the recovery of the victim.
* Discouraging victims from reporting the offence.
* Hampering society’s understanding as to the causes of sexual offences and the seriousness of its effect on victims. Through this, victims are denied the support and assistance they need, to heal from the experience of sexual violation.
In other words, the promotion of social norms that encourage violence increase the likelihood that a survivor will suffer secondary trauma and will experience rape trauma syndrome.
Social media has become a new zone where messages promoting violence against women can be rapidly disseminated. It’s easy to put hateful dangerous messages out there behind the face of a brand, or anonymously. Earlier this year we had to deal with #itsnotrapeif, Facebook pages that encouraged men to “ride her gently so she doesn’t wake up” and many other revolting messages that aimed to make violence against women a joke. If you are sick of these types of messages, as I am, why not take back the tech?
If you’re not sure what you can do this 16 Days to support women who have survived violence against them, why not try the following:
* Do not forward violence: don’t laugh at sexist jokes, don’t retweet sexist tweets, don’t diminish stories of sexual violence, don’t join Facebook groups or pages that promote violence.
* Boycott companies that promote violence — perhaps a nice way to start here would be by boycotting DurexSA until they issue an apology (in the meantime, please make sure you replace them with another brand. Make sure the sex you’re having is safe and consensual).
* Support organisations that work to fight against violence against women, such as Rape Crisis Cape Town Trust, or the organisations that make up the Shukumisa Campaign. Go to their fundraisers.
* Talk to your partner about the ways that you both might reinforce unequal gender roles and sexism. This can happen in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.
* Speak out about violence against women. Tell your story of violence. Support pro-women media.
The 16 Days is a time for all of us to realise how important it is that sexism comes to an end, that violence against women comes to an end and that we never, ever, ever, give up.
Really? How do people find that funny? Why’re things like this being forwarded/RT’d? Why’re we allowing chauvinists to shape our culture? *sigh* And people wonder why our society’s so sick. Urgh.
Thanks for speaking out.
I agree with everything expressed in this article. It is abhorrent how this tweet almost promotes violation of women. Who ever actually posted it and the Durex company need to examine their consciences as to their conduct.
A full and unreserved apology is called for. As a Nursing Sister who has nursed girls and women post Rape decent language almost fails me as to the lack of awareness has been shown.
Not one word you’ve written here is controversial. How sick that they need to be written. “Eff” Durex’s juvenile contempt.
What I don’t understand is how you, or anyone else, gets to bother to read a Durex tweet anyhow. How does anyone get any other life if they spend their time on tweeting or Facebook?
Here we go again. Remember a few years back… a big election was held for all women to be represented in the media or wherever. The campaigning was tough but the radical feminists manged to beat back the other candidates and trump at the polls. The women who go through life mostly happy and not alienated by something as trivial as a durex advert, those who achieve something in life and identify happily as women agreed to be represented by the army boots, brush cut and dungaree brigade. Remember? Funny that. I don’t either
Good lord, and the feminist is on a crusade again!.
Seriously Jennifer you girls need to lighten up a bit, get your minds out of the gutter.
I am totally opposed to having 16 days a year of activism against violence to women!!
I want to see 365 days of activism as anything less than this will not do!!
Men who hurt women are not men at all. Cowards prey on the defenseless and must be sick in the head if they get any satisfaction for what they do. Those who support these sick men are themselves sick.
i find it interesting that some people care so much if you think that what someone said is so bad on twitter i would hate for you to see what else there is online in regards to this topic. Online is the place of freedom of speech if i want to say anything i want i can… Some people take life to seriously losen up a bit and chill no matter how many stories you right here about rape and what not it does not matter it is still going to happen cause majority of the people that participate in it either dont know any better and where brought up like this(uneducated people you wont find them online) or they dont care and know that its wrong but do it cause they get a high out of it like no other. It happens everywhere and the only way we can combat it is take way more harsh decisions against it. If i was in parliament i would tell them to cut off all rapists penises who practice this disturbing thing.
And people that are active sexism are people that dont care that society is changing. I treat my girlfriend with lots of respect and hate people that still look at girls just as possessions(if you a Christian the bible teaches you that your wife is yours along with your house liek a possession), cooking robots and sex slaves. They where brought up wrong and they are stupid but no matter how much you try and fight this you cant since for them its the way its ment to be and its what there parents taught them and unless they have a soft heart its not going to change any time soon.
I think it was meant to be…errr….tongue in cheek?
I agree with all you’ve written except your motivation for writing it.
Although the ‘joke’ is in exceedingly poor taste and is detrimental to women, I read no incitement to rape in it. I would say your reaction is an overreaction.
I suppose it is too much to hope that Durex could motivate its target market with trite messages of self-fulfilment and exhortions to work hard, learn hard an play less hard, but do take it from whence it comes to who it’s targeting.
The average man knows that a carping wife or partner often ceases an ongoing diatribe once she has some notice taken of her. He knows this instinctively, although he may not follow the’ joke’ exactly.
If you cry ‘wolf’ over everything said and done, you will lose your audience and relevance. By all means object to the ‘joke’, but don’t suggest it conveys more than it does, please. And how about suggesting to Durex a better way of catching their users’ attention?
A poor attempt at humour by Durex but once again, a rant such as this highlights my of awareness of a brand that I hardly ever read or hear about.
Jen, ever get the feeling that you are doing more to highlight sexist brands than their own PR people?
Nice blog title. Luckily it’s not on a T-shirt right…
nice article jennifer. but unfortunately most people online (apparently it’s only educated people) actually don’t even understand the impact and far reaching implications of the internet itself. 99% of them probably don’t even know how it came about, and what it’s initial purpose was before it was labelled the “internet”. I wonder if these same people would be bothered by a tweet from Julius Malema saying “..how do you make BEE work? dubula ibhulu..#nationalisationjoke” or perhaps something from the ff+ “..how do you make BEE in SA work? Make the “B” work #beejoke” – I imagine those who think the durex ad is just a joke, would suddenly find their grey matter faculties working for the first time, coming up with (and i imagine legitimate) reasons as to why this “joke” could find it’s way through the “interwebs” to young schoolchildren and they may laugh, but it’s perpetuating the idea that whites should be shot, or blacks are useless. Perhaps it’s when the joke goes across colour lines, and doesn’t impact the male, when we can all justify conveniently not realising that making jokes about the inferiority of women, most certainly has an impact on the psyche, especially that of younger men and women. But luckily, young people don’t have access to the internet, at schools, or on their phones. Luckily, people don’t forward tweets, and emails and share links to FB updates. Luckily ONLY level-headed adult individuals with all their faculties at hand will…
This attack on women leaves me feeling sick.
How does a rape leave a woman’s emotions – does she ever “get over it”, and allow any men near her afterwards ?
If she is married, then how does a rape affect her relationship with her husband?
Jennifer , keep up you efforts, as there are many men who hate rapists, and support your campaign.
” Human Rights” for all criminals should be suspended. as the victims rights are much more important.
Castration should be standard punishment for these cases, as the Government refuses to bring back the death penalty !!
The subtle reality of what you trying to get at @jennifer is, sad to say, still beyond most people. Keep up the good work because it is clearly needed.
I am a woman and think the joke is funny. I think what the joke implies is that women are always whining and complaining and gossiping, etc, and just give them good sex and they will shut up.
Definition of a slut – a woman with the morals of a man. Guess where I read this? Feminists sa facebook page. Funny pic of the day? High ground lost Jennifer.