Pssst … hey you. Guess what? Women think about sex … sometimes more than once a day. Sometimes we’re thinking about it while you’re talking to us at our desks. Sometimes we’re thinking about it on the bus. Sometimes we’re just thinking about it while having our lunch. We think about sex.
Pssst … there’s more. Women fantasise about sex too. We don’t just simply think about our last sexual experience with our partner, or that one great time on holiday in 1976, we make up stuff. That means we take in all the things we’ve ever wanted from a sexual experience and cram them all into one daydream, or night dream or middle-of-the-morning dream and just go with it. And you know what — we love it.
What I cannot impart with enough emphasis is that these are our fantasies. They are our imagination running wild and letting us get a little pleasure out of this soon to be dry and dusty old world. These are our fantasies and they are not to be used against us.
What do I mean by this? Someone on my previous blog commented that Mills & Boon put women out there as ready and waiting, and perhaps some of us are. But, I mean that if I fantasise about hanging upside down from a harness with petals falling from the sky whilst receiving wonderful sexual pleasure it doesn’t mean that I will do that in real life. And if I fantasise about being ravished by a strapping chap in chaps, against my will against a door that doesn’t mean that I’m giving any old man permission to do this to me against my will in reality. And if I fantasise about being raped, it doesn’t mean that I want someone to rape me, nor does it give anyone permission to rape me.
Fantasies are so enjoyable because you have complete control over them. They happen in your mind, and if you’re lucky enough to have a supportive partner who you trust, they might happen in your bedroom. But, as soon as that control is taken away they are no longer enjoyable.
My fantasies are not there for the taking. They don’t justify any unwanted sexual attention, and they most certainly don’t give someone permission to rape me.
If by now, men don’t know that woman fantisize and think sexy more than they do then i believe there is alot of education needed for the fallace species. Men fantasize too you know? We just need a bit of a stimulant.(I do mean a bit).But once the microwave is on, we can enslave some pretty wierd situations. Woman fantasize of being raped (or at least the roughness in the actions), we fantasize about raping (or at least the roughness in the actions).And just like the fairer sex, we would never act on them.Generally speaking of course.
I never suggested that rape phantasies do constitute permission to rape. But it surely muddies the water as to what constitutes rape, especially by the subjective standard that you are laying down (pun intended). It even means that a woman mouthing “no” may with every fibre of her being be saying “yes”.
cool article. and put so nicely. first making u smile at how true it is, especially: “Sometimes we’re thinking about it while you’re talking to us at our desks.” and then u so eloquently made your point. thank you!
Amen, sista!!!
EEK!!!
@Luke…. Men fantasise about raping? Well that’s worrying.
@Luke,
Who is this ‘we’, you are talking about. Personally I have never fantasized abut raping anyone. Im sure thoughts of rape would leave most men horrified!
The Praetor
My wife spends all day fantasizing about ways that she can avoid having sex!
Hmmm… First off, we all know women think about sex… hell, most women think about sex a hell of a lot more than I do..
My problem with this piece as that you claim to be responding to a commenter on your previous post, but you can’t ram your fear of rape down our throats as much as this simply because you’re responding to an idiot who took something you said in your last post as an excuse to justify rape.. Yes, rape is wrong, but maybe women who want to be treated equally should act as equals rather than on the victim-complex you promoted in your last post.. Violence in any form other than that of defense is wrong, don’t be so sexist
Excellent, honest, thought provoking article as usual. Thanks Jennifer.
Dave
The reality is that we are much more than our external bodily forms and that is what makes us so interesting and problematic at the same time. This is because most of us do not know how to deal constructively with our internalities nor do we learn that being able to do so is a major exercise in gaining self knowledge which has to be consciously embarked upon. One of the important reasons for this is that society in general does not wish to acknowledge the reality of our internality even many churches in their general behaviour, it seems to me, try to avoid it.
Hey! Speak for yourself, Madam! Don’t think you know all our answers…
Strewth, Jen: looks to me like you’re doing exactly the same things that would upset you coming from another writer.
“Pssst … hey you. Guess what? Women think about sex … sometimes more than once a day.” Don’t you think women read your blog? If so don’t they know this already? Or are you writing only for men?
“Sometimes we’re thinking about it while you’re talking to us at our desks.” Who is this *we* you are referring to? Last I looked, no one had given you a mandate to speak on behalf of all women,
Try rephrasing your blog replacing *we” with *I* — as in “this is MY fantasy and not to be used ME”. After all, you wouldn’t accept that Julius speaks for all youth, would you?
@Mo I’m saying that having a fantasy about rape doesn’t mean that people are given permission to rape you. Do you disagree?