Christmas traps us. It holds us tightly between layers of expensive non-recyclable wrapping paper smothering our creativity, freedom and genuine feelings. The Christmas season seems to bring our lack of freedom sharply into focus. We are tied by cute ribbons and tassels to the consumerist lifestyle, buying up the shops and making sure that we are left guilt-free, because we got absolutely every person we know a little something. But why? Why do we feel no need to purchase gifts for these same people (especially work colleagues and distant relatives) all year round? The truth is, we’re not really very giving.
Those of us who are agnostic, atheist or non-Christian are not really celebrating anything monumentally special. Technically it’s just another day on the long calendar that is our work-driven life and so most of us just celebrate the fact that it’s a public holiday. So why the Christmas gifts? Guilt.
We feel endlessly guilty when someone has bought something for us, even if we know they’re only doing it because of their own guilt. But this guilt is insidious. Everyone slowly starts to look around at the tiny gift they’ve been given and starts thinking “crap, I haven’t bought anyone anything, and bugger it, I hadn’t even thought about buying anything until now”. The worst thing is that if you don’t return the favour you look like the cold present-taking cretin that we all really are deep down inside. The guilt makes us buy and spend on many people that we little more than barely like.
So how do we stop the guilt? Stop shopping for one. The less time you spend in shopping malls, the less time you have to spend your time looking at the panicked faces of other shoppers who are worried that they haven’t got the perfect gift. The pushing and the shoving and the rifling through goodies with increased prices is most certainly a cause of early death by stress-related causes. So stop going to the shops. If you still feel the guilt, then head to local markets. Pick up original items that people don’t have, weren’t made in China and will serve a purpose. In the sentiments of David Smith, there is nothing worse than a gift without a purpose. Even more creative, bake your mostly disliked acquaintances tasty biscuits so that when they think scornfully on your shallow friendship in the future, they have to say, “But damn, she makes a good cookie”.
Another tip, is to give more presents during the year. Be someone who picks up little gifts for people you genuinely like all the time. That way, you can get away with getting a similarly tiny and inexpensive gift at Christmas time, because it is just another day to give. Expectations and stress are lessened and you can have a very cheap festive season and spend more money on your own drinks and travels. You will be a genuinely merrier and nicer person to have around, and this will make you the type of person that people genuinely want to buy gifts for.
Please dont say we, I love Christmas, and I I love giving…its the recieving that I have a problem with…cheers Santa
Sorry Santa (sheepish)
I find the best solution to avoiding the buying of stupid over-priced gifts for people who don’t really want them is to not do it. I try and act like a decent human during the rest of the year instead. That way I can get slammed on christmas day and no-one thinks ill of me. Seriously, if I care about someone, they will know about it, I don’t need to buy them a bag of organic coffee (wait, great idea.)
My family has participated in a program called Advent Conspiracy for the last few years (www.adventconspiracy.org)–we don’t give gifts anymore, we choose charities to support. For me, because I’m involved in inner-city work, I support a community development center and a church in Cape Town that has a strong justice/reconciliation program. For my dad, it’s a ministry called Living Water that drills water wells in the developing world in rural villages that have no access to clean water. For my mom, it’s Heifer International and a local mission that provides services to new immigrants from Mexico and Latin America (English classes, computer literacy, sorting through legalisation forms, etc).
It’s much less stressful and much more in keeping with what we think the spirit of Christmas should be, and we all get to avoid shopping malls.
Christmas is for the kids. To try and teach them about the joy of giving. My family do not follow any religion, but we value the principle of giving to the less privileged, and we use Christmas to try and instill this value in our kids. Unfortunately we also lose the plot a bit and buy them over the top presents, but they must give something as well.
I have a policy with friends and family, its gifts on your birthday and simply time over Christmas. Birhtday gifts are the special ones, it’s ‘your’ day and the time for perhaps spoiling someone. Christmas for me is about having some extra time to spend with your family and friends. We should rather think of it as a time to make more memories…it’s the one time when we are all gather back at home, so we make the most of it. treasure your friends this Christmas.