No, I am not a zol monkey. This is not a throwdown from a bonghead. I am not tapping away on my keyboard in a cloud of purple haze. This will not be a THC-fueled rant about the wonders of pot, the miracle of ganja and the salvation you will find in the herb. I will not tell you that it brings you closer to Jah or takes you to a higher plane. I will not go on about how a bucket-bong is better for you than a box of durries. Because that’s horseshit. And I ain’t peddling that. I’m not a hippie, a greenie, a communist, a naturalist or a nudist. I did not grow up in an ashram. I don’t own a teepee or a didgeridoo. I won’t be calling my kids Moondrop or Skypony or whatever the hell crusties call their children. I ain’t that guy. I’m just an average schmo. A schmo who likes a schmoke. A middle-class middle-aged guy who likes it when people get high.
Grass ain’t no thing. Just another one of the many ways we chose to get f ’d up. Like a Klipdrift or a Mainstay. Sucked back with flat Coca-Cola from a two-litre in the parking lot. The only difference is they don’t call a zol a klap-jou-vrou-en-coke. This is not the drug we associate with violence. No, mate, if you think GBH and marijuana go together, you’ve been pulling on the wrong bottle-neck. If anything this shit is going to mung you out. It’ll blitzkrieg the fight right out of your balls. You’ll be looking the other way at the first sight of confrontation. Mumbling your apology where none was needed. You’ll button your lip and go sit in the corner, all quiet like, looning out your brain. But that don’t mean it ain’t fun. As long as there’s no cops, jocks, bullies, boozeheads, bouncers, ex-girlfriends or your mum to wail on your ass, you’re gonna have a sweet time puffin’ on the sweet Mary-Jane.
Giggling like a mad man, all gnashers and gums. Twisting and wriggling like an epileptic looking into a strobe light. Or sitting stock-still, finding everything amazing or just not thinking about anything. They both amount to the same thing — being able to stare at a wall for hours on end. That’s good old cheap fun. And in these times of economic crisis, we need all the cheap we can get. Get yourself down to the Westville drive-by or hook yourself up with a buddy in Obs. Get on that Swazi or Transkei Reds. Or Malawi Cob, if you’re some sort of sophisticated swine, the kinda guy who eats pate de campagne and cornichon on white bread with the crusts cut off. Yup, a bankie of green is worth its weight in gold, but they’ll sell it to you for brass.
But don’t tell the old brass, she’ll clip you round the earhole. The ladies don’t really like a toker. Unless they are one themselves. And if your missus is, keep her because she’s a good sort. … What the hell’s with all these dumb British words? … I must be getting high just writing this drivel. OK, need to focus, these people need answers, not spittle.
The police! The coppers. How much money are they wasting on drug busts and dagga hauls? Look at this video. It’s ten minutes of CCTV straight outta Hackney. London’s answer to Compton. Look at that first scene. WTF? That’s a drug raid and there’s like twenty cops. All rocking on the taxpayer’s dime. Shit, y’all, that’s your dime, that’s my dime. We’re paying for them to bust some pot smokers. Ok, it’s probably a crack-den or an illegal whorehouse or some other depraved filth, I don’t know, it could be anything. But we’re paying for it. Well, English people are but if this was Hillbrow, that would be our bucks. Or your bucks, because I live in Amsterdam. OK, this is not going so well. Is it getting hot in here? Why is my cat staring at me? Breathe, baby, breathe. Inhale. Exhale. I am an ocean. I am a sea. Dead calm. Washing in, washing out. Everything is fine. Like moondrops on a skypony, running free.
A’ight, I’m back. Lucid. From the root word Lucidus. Light. Enlightened. With knowledge. Like the city I live in, the city of angels. No, that’s L.A. This is Amsterdam. Enlightened to the power of the almighty greenback. The zol-dollar. Amsterdam understands money. They are the undisputed kings of turning a dime. And when you’re selling half a nickel bag for the price of two dime bags, you’re gonna make some cash. In 1995, the last time they calculated these figures, the sale of dope contributed €1,4-billion to the economy. That’s a tonne of money. Well actually it’s closer to three tonnes if you had it in €500 notes. (The €500 note weighs 1,1g. You can do the rest). Imagine what South Africa can do with three tonnes of money? Scratch that figure, Xe.com that moolah and you’ve got 30 tonnes! What could South Africa do with 30 tonnes of cash? Fifteen billion rand. That’s a regmaker right there. That’ll straighten you right up. It will also straighten a few roads, build a couple thousand houses and get some people out of the business of unemployment and into the business of making money. Damn, I’m starting believe myself here. I must be blazed.
Peace y’all. Legalize it. Jah Rastafari. For shizzle. You get the score.
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34 Responses to “Isn’t it time to legalise the zol?”
Real world discussion of this issue is verboten - the USA & The UU & all survival orientated politicos say so!! Dow & King Cotton started it - right-wing political correctness & political survival continues it .. the social damage caused by the “war on drugs” is completely politically acceptable, as is the damage that alcohol can inflict. The damage we cause ourselves by smoking weed is little or nothing compared to all that, but the politicos are hoist by their own petard and, as usual, the world suffers from their lies.
Alan in Botswana on September 24th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
It’ll also save on court cost, jail money (look at the percentage of people in jail in SA for drug offences compared with murders) and give the police more time for proper crimes.
through the advice desk for the abused, i processed 31 protection and peace order applications at durban magistrates court in July 2004, and of those cases, only 1 cited the offender or abuser as being a ganga smoker, and she said, “no i dont mind when he smokes, in fact im quite glad when he does, because that means that hes not going to beat me after that. but he doesnt smoke all the time, he drinks alcohol everyday, and then he beats me…”
of the remaining 30 cases all of the offenders and abusers were cited as alcohol drinkers, with alcohol intake being a direct link to the instances of abuse.
Delta9-THC is not illegal, its just cannabis sativa (under the name “dagga”) that is illegal, unless you have a prescription from a HPCSA registered medical practitioner.
so without changing the laws or corrupting any medics, lets create 1 Cannabis Export Processing Zone in each province and issue licences for cultivation-for-export to emerging farmers and process the crops into FMCG’s and export ONLY to countries which have legalised usage in some form like California (USA), Canada, Netherlands etc.
the problem is that our gogo’s are growing weed in SA at great risk, but we are selling weed in SA at a fraction of the price for which the same weed is then resold in the EU.
and then we buy all of the Dutch coffeeshops, and our Gogo’s will be rich
If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. If it babbles like a stoner and spaces out like a stoner, it’s probably a stoner, even if he spends 200 words denying it.
It’s ok by me as long they put something in it to stem the stench. I don’t care what others do their brains but try and imagine the general stench of the city with hundreds of thousands smoking Transkei Premium Black all over the place? Eish!
“No, I am not a zol monkey. This is not a throwdown from a bonghead. I am not tapping away on my keyboard in a cloud of purple haze………”.
You could have fooled me!
Amsterdam (and the Dutch government) have come to realise that banning and fighting the well liked substances cost more than having it in the open and roughly controlled.
I do not now if your numbers are right. Your rambling leading up to it does not add credibility to your numbers.
5 Countries around the world with less of the cannabis raw product and housing demand…
are building sustainable carbon negative houses from the industrial uses of cannabis
Follow the website for more and how to build your own cannabrick house - or Google build cannabrick home
South Africa has a lot to catch up to the rest of the world; in 5 years we don’t want to find ourselves being outgrown by subsidized nations and find ourselves on the poor African backfoot again because we didn’t want to listen to POPCRU….
No, its not, you pot-head.
How many billions of euros does Amsterdam’s red-light district bring in every year? Is that another reason to ape the dutch and legalise prostitution in South Africa?
Cannabis should be legalized as a balance and safe alternative for alcohol. South Africa’s increased violence has a direct correlation to the increase in alcohol consumed. Average consumption went from 10 litres to 20 litres from 1998 to 2006. 80% of admissions at emergency wards in the Western Cape are directly or indirectly related to alcohol and 10% of children are being born retarded because of alcohol. Cannabis is nowhere near as bad… so yes… Legalize. Control. Tax.
Love it! We all need a cheap thrill now and then, so from a good lady who like a toke at sunset, I concur! Legalise it. We’re all fans, even the coppers, and perhaps even your mother. How long will this ridiculous control remain. I spose so long as they want us violent and stupid, rather than chilled and enlightened.
Some unfortunate dude got busted smoking a doob in amsterdam the other day, he wasn’t fined because of the doob, but because of the tobacco he’d mixed it with. Nice.
Our cops don’t even bother busting us ( yeah, i smoke dope) in SA. They’ll dish out one, two or five fat smacks and not only have they taught you a lesson but scored a free bankie as well. Why, Dave, would you want to deprive the boys in blue of all their fun? ‘Cause it fokken hurts man. Any deaths caused by smoking marijuana in the last year? How about those drunk driving stats? Don’t they have marijuana edibles for lung cancer patients, who got sick smoking cigarettes (point is, in my opinion, tobacco is a far more harmful drug). But it does make you slow (kinda the point) and people dig everything in excess, legalising it will never fly. Yet.
Agreed. If done right, the government can make tons of money via taxes (as stated above). Bill Hicks was on the money.
Why it’s still illegal has more to do with perhaps the way the aparthied government, and now the ANC government, have a moral issue with it even though much science proves drinking is more destructive.
Reportedly 9.2% of the Western Cape smoke pot (that figure is probably quite a bit higher in reality). All we really need is the legal framework…and on the cops, saw more then 10 missioning around Long Street for pot dealers. They certainly have better things to do…
Adam Wakefield on September 25th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Very Funny article, but i have been saying it for Years. SA should be the world leader in the export of top quality mary jane. The economy will get a massive boost from just this one crop. Never mind the facts that hemp can be used for a million applications. Legalise it already….compared to alcohol and ciggarettes its a joke that its not legal considering how deadly those two are
Now there you go, isn’t it ammazing, just when I was about to give up on the quality of journalism nowadays, what happens………? For once some real down to earth,er, perhaps that should be……….up on the ceiling well written journalism of the highest, sorry extremely highest order, pops up on my, sponsored for by my employer, computer screen.
Jislaaik life just keeps getting better!
Love your humour David, keep it rolling.
Haha, I like. This quotation says it all for me: “The only difference is they don’t call a zol a klap-jou-vrou-en-coke.” So using it …
As a university student I get to see exactly what mind-altering substances do to young, reckless 20-somethings. I should know, I am one. Weed doesn’t even feature in the Stupid-Ass Things I Did While F**ked Up List. Unless you count making a banana and marmite waffle as a Stupid-Ass thing to do.
Not going to happen on my watch! The THC content in today’s marijuana is dangerously high. It causes paranoia ans schizophrenia.
No argument ever put forward ever understands how destructive this seemingly harmless drug causes. The fact is, it also suppresses anger and can leave you with PERMANENT paranoid schizophrenia.
I have also seen a lot of aggression and paranoia in regular zol bols and have been amazed at the difference in their personalities when they stop. Zol might not create aggression like alcohol and hard drugs, but it does create a lazy, tomorrow is another day, I don’t need to earn a living - type attitude
Hmm. Used to partake of the herb quite often back in the days of uni. Back then it was ok to fire up a quick homegrown or amadeadlies zol and function pretty much as normal. but agree with Warren that some of the strains of skunk coming out these days are way out there, like a mild acid trip rather than just a mellow slowboat. One or two puffs and the dreaded whities hit you like a ton of bricks..
bring back the mellow stuff.
Religions have monopolized the mind boggling industry. So, Zol is illegal. I stay out of both. For those who need a choice, having a puff is less damaging than suicide-bombing.
Hell Guard. shit, y’all, that’s one badass heavy metal name. Hey, i got the new goatsnake album yesterday. Come round mine, we’ll get high and turn it up to eleven.
There are many ways to take it. Brewed as a tea with a little milk, it has more lasting and deeper effects (especially on a timed double whammy) It was amazing to come to the UK in 2006 and discover that the status on cannbis had been relaxed in an attempt to de-criminalise this drug. Then just last year it was upped again after a sustained propaganda war. Sadly, us THC imbibers are once again feeling paranoid and hounded in the UK. I yearn for the day when this incredibly wonderful but severely misunderstood drug is completely legal and regulated in a free and mature society.
@ warren whitfield, like the smokers u condemn, who indeed do suffer from marajuana induced schizophrenia (mis), you suffer from irrational paranoia induced fear, and you practice irratinal, paranoia induced fear mongering. no one is encouraging the use of ganga, no one is encouraging the use of delta9-THC, no one is suggesting that we all grow cannabis in our backyards. the author is simply saying legalise it. and since alcohol usage is legalised BUT heavily regulated, do the same with weed. the trend in california it seems is the sale of processed delta9-THC in biscuits and other food items for glaucoma and cancer patients. so when we say that a legitimate export market exists and that we are current not exploiting that market surely u shud support that, given that any stoner would rather sell a R10 bankie for R150 than smoke it. its the hartd drugs, like heroin and cocaine that need to be eradicated, oh but wait we need those to make morphine and anathestics respectively dont we… ummmm, in fact is there any drug that doesnt have a commercial purpose… amphetamines for weight loss… i think boet you would best be served by focussing on getting kids off drugs and finding out where the hard drugs are grown and making sure that the pharmaceutical companies own and control those plantations. and weed was made illegal by the DuPont company who had invented polyester as a alternative to hemp… so whats your real agenda… ???
govender, the other on September 29th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
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Real world discussion of this issue is verboten - the USA & The UU & all survival orientated politicos say so!! Dow & King Cotton started it - right-wing political correctness & political survival continues it .. the social damage caused by the “war on drugs” is completely politically acceptable, as is the damage that alcohol can inflict. The damage we cause ourselves by smoking weed is little or nothing compared to all that, but the politicos are hoist by their own petard and, as usual, the world suffers from their lies.
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