I worked as a training instructor in a gym for a couple of years once. I was studying at the time and it was a convenient way for me to do something I knew and enjoyed for some living money, while side-stepping the usual waitering jobs that students usually have to settle for. Or is that waitron-ing? Service person-ing? I’m never bloody sure these days.
Years of experience tells me that there will be quite a few Thought Leader readers who flinch slightly at the above admission. “Oh, so you were one of those jock types weren’t you? You and your ilk dunked my head in a toilet repeatedly, you bastard.” Or “personal trainer and a writer eh? Isn’t that a bit of a clash?” are the sort of responses I’m used to. That and “so you were one of those guys who stood around talking to women in the gym hey?” The last one I can’t deny. Although in all fairness it is a bit difficult to serve a client without speaking to them.
As much as I know those responses don’t apply to me and are actually rather ignorant and presumptuous, I still understand where they’re coming from though. They’re coming from the fact that many exercise enthusiasts are so focused on the physical that they lose sight of everything else. They come from the fact that most gyms are brimming with narcissistic meat-heads. And yes, they also come from the fact that the respondent had their head flushed in a toilet at school a few times (figuratively or literally).
I can’t help but shake my head when I walk into my local gym. It’s a number of years since I worked in one myself, so my level of exposure has changed somewhat. I can simply slip in, do my thing, slip out again and not be affected by it as much — in theory. But in reality the whole thing still works on my nerves. From the inane music that is virtually guaranteed to be repeated at any given time I enter the gym, to the hordes of incredibly vapid people posturing themselves as if the very meaning of existence is a single-digit fat percentage, it’s an annoying experience overall.
I am also nearly completely convinced that there is an invisible sign above the door to the place that reads “Neanderthal intonation ONLY beyond this point”. The sign is of course unfortunately facing outwards and not inwards. There must be one. Why else would seemingly educated men (and women) start dropping their intonation the way they do in the gym? To make matters worse, they put a “Seffrican” spin on their Neanderthal dialect. The mosquito-like buzz of phrases like “Howzit bru? How much can you bench press hey? Kif” in one’s ear is quite special, to say the least. I suspect that one painfully inserted barbell might solve the problem. Temporarily at least, until the initial shock wears off and the same mosquito-like buzz returns with: “Hey nought bru, it wasn’t kif to put that weight up my arse.” The wounded henchman calling from the pit in Austin Powers comes to mind.
But for all that, I still can’t bring myself to throw the baby out with the barbell, so to speak. Rather, I propose that an alternative arrangement be made, which allows one to exercise in peace. A gym colleague actually ended up opening a one-on-one training studio for that specific purpose. Why should something inherently beneficial and fairly neutral be monopolised by a bunch of meat-heads? Exercise is a wonderful thing. And the benefits to a thinking person are enormous. Both mood and cognitive abilities have been shown to benefit from exercise. And the aesthetic benefits don’t hurt either. Which thinking people don’t want that? Seemingly lazy ones and ones with insecurity or jealousy issues from the buff morons they fell victim to somewhere along the line.
During my time working in a gym I learned to look past the stereotypes, to the people who I saw as being there for more “noble” reasons. And there were actually many. Some truly genuine, thoughtful people who became life-long friends. I learned a balanced approach that has stood me in good stead for life. Instead of lumping the pursuit of more thoughtful activities and the pursuit of physical health and fitness into separate categories, I see them as being together under the umbrella of human experience and being the best you can be. So, despite loathing the Neanderthal buzz of the average commercial gym with the fury of a thousand bodybuilders with their “posing pouches” (glorified name for thong) twisted in a knot, I know better than to generalise too much.
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13 Responses to “Gyms don’t have to be the exclusive domain of Neanderthals”
I’ve worked in two gyms and amongst the staff there was a divide between meat-heads and health-obsessed (there are worse obsessions so this is not a judgement, just a term)people. At my first gym, the vibe was that health is part of wellness. Our programs were balanced, our staff was knowledgeable. Stretching was encouraged. The music was pretty rough, but sometimes very cool.
Now that I’m working for a larger gym, the vibe is get in, burn, feel painful, leave before stretching, continue to feel painful, walk around naked in the bathroom for as long as possible, leave, feel painful, come back the next day and do it all over. The members don’t like variety. And they don’t really talk to each other - its very much an ipod dominated zone. Kind of takes the fun out of it when you can’t talk to anyone around you, but the music does necessitate the ipod.
I have been going to gym for years now and it took me a while to feel comfortable and at ease with myself. I think one has to remember that you are there for the health benefits and not to prove anything to anyone, and sooner or later, you start to concentrate on your program and not on the posing meat heads at the free weights floor. I also have a bit of contempt for people who only do weights, as I see gym as a means to an end, not an end in itself. I.e. Lifting weights should be done as cross training for a particular sport to improve one’s strength and to recover from injury. Gymming meat heads may be strong but typically their cardio fitness is terrible and they are at as much risk of a heart attack as a couch potato.
- weightlifting (meatheads only allowed here)
- cycling, treadmills and circuits (you come here in pursuit of good health, not muscles)
I do not venture to the weighlifting section, not because I am cowed by the weighlifting types but because I am worried about being spotted (Pun?) there by other civilised human beings.
Naturally I dont venture at all to the dance areas or spinning classes either, for similar reasons. Yes, these areas are also occupied by meatheads but they disguise themselves while trying to convince themselves they are nothing like the weighlifting meatheads
As a woman, I must confess that I think excessively large muscles are a bit gay. Gay in that the man who possesses them obviously spends a lot of time admiring himself in mirrors. Possibly, this is not something that the Neanderthals have in mind. Muscles are nice up to a point, but there’s a limit. Once they’re too big, they become incredibly offputting.
Al and Candide, one, building muscle is the best way to shave off fat, as increases the body’s metabolic rate, two, spending 2 hours at the gym does not guarantee muscle growth, quite the opposite, 30 minutes is enough to stimulate muscle growth, beyond that its a waste of time and it impairs the muscle, but hey subjectivism or is it relativity dicatates that I should tolerate fairies who prance around the treadmill
This article has given me so much to laugh at; I go to gym as often as I can and generally its because I want to lose weight and be fit. So I spend most of my time at the cardio and circuits. I had absolutely no idea that there was a hierachy in place and that people judged each other as meat heads and fitness freaks, all very amusing actually
@Beef
I play squash and use the treadmill. That’s my fitness regime and I dont go anywhere near weights. I am lean and fairly fit, certainly without any noticable muscle. My teenage son plays waterpolo for his school first team, is built like a gorilla, is immensely strong, and spends time in the weights section in addition to many hours of swimming training each week.
A short while ago we were having a discussion on how macho he is and how wimpy I am, leaving aside for the moment that he is 18 and I am 48. So I challenged him to a feat of endurance at the gym.
Running on a treadmill…which we did and as we ran I increased my speed again and again, until eventually my son collapsed from exhaustion, shook my hand, and admitted that my strength, while not as obvious as his, was impressive.
I thanked him for his graciousness in defeat and then told him where he went wrong. I told him he was much stronger, much faster, much fitter, much of pretty much everything, but he had allowed me to choose the battlefield (the gym), the weapons (treadmill) and even the rules of engagement (the speed at which we ran initially). Had he chosen almost anything else but running on a treadmill he would have wiped the floor with me, as he should have, because of his youth, his strength and his fitness. His big flaw - the muscles in his head.
@Al I do see what you are saying, but it must be understood that running fitness does not translate into general fitness. I row and while I am in season for rowing, I will be extremely fit. But, put me against a runner who is of the same, even much lower fitness levels, I will lose to them horribly.
Why? Because my body is not used to running, even though my base fitness is very high.
The same goes for the swimmers at my school. They are one of the fittest athlete groups there, but when it comes to fitness tests (like bleep tests or when we do interhouse cross country), they suffer. Again, it is because they are not fit for running. Take a runner and put him in the pool or on a boat, and they will be the ones trailing at the back.
Maybe you should race your son in a 500m swimming race?
@Sport Specific
I agree with you absolutely. I never claimed to be fit for other sports and after I had beaten my son conceded to him that he could beat me at almost anything, including running if he had approached it properly, because he is fitter and stronger and also younger and more athletic. And he could have beaten me at any age too.
The point I was making in my comment was that muscle bound types sometimes do not use their brains. My son sees that now. ( I did not rub in my victory or gloat in it. I love my son and simply wanted him to learn to use his very able brain.)
And I thought the story of brains beating muscles would amuse other readers.
This is one of the funniest blogs I’ve seen! I am an unapologetic narcissist! Love looking at myself in the mirror but alas can’t claim to be a meathead! I do adopt bodybuilding principles in the quest for muscle but the surprising part of all of this is that it requires grey matter to understand what effects different planes of gravity have on the muscle groups. Whatever people’s reasons for going to gym, let them go there and enjoy it and go easy on the judging. They pay their fees just like you simpering, treadmill running, muscle hating, ipod wearing crackers do!
At least people are in the gym! As everybody should know by now, bodybuilders/meatheads are attracted to the distinctly anaerobic activity of lifting weights, therefore aerobic activity is anaethema to them except for just before contest time!
Kenneth or Siviwe whichever you prefer on August 26th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@Al
Sorry, I did not mean to slate your comment in any way, and I did find it amusing I am just used to many people thinking that “fitness is fitness” and your comment was there to be utilised, even though that utilisation may have been “unfair”.
Sport Specific... on August 27th, 2009 at 10:56 am
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Bernard Allen is a freelance communications specialist, who is passionate about justice, logic, humour, the arts, and Guinness. In no particular order.
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I am an unapologetic narcissist! Love looking at myself in the mirror but alas can’t claim to be a meathead! I do adopt bodybuilding principles in the quest for muscle but the surprising part of all of this is that it requires grey matter to understand what effects different planes of gravity have on the muscle groups. Whatever people’s reasons for going to gym, let them go there and enjoy it and go easy on the judging. They pay their fees just like you simpering, treadmill running, muscle hating, ipod wearing crackers do! 
I’ve worked in two gyms and amongst the staff there was a divide between meat-heads and health-obsessed (there are worse obsessions so this is not a judgement, just a term)people. At my first gym, the vibe was that health is part of wellness. Our programs were balanced, our staff was knowledgeable. Stretching was encouraged. The music was pretty rough, but sometimes very cool.
Now that I’m working for a larger gym, the vibe is get in, burn, feel painful, leave before stretching, continue to feel painful, walk around naked in the bathroom for as long as possible, leave, feel painful, come back the next day and do it all over. The members don’t like variety. And they don’t really talk to each other - its very much an ipod dominated zone. Kind of takes the fun out of it when you can’t talk to anyone around you, but the music does necessitate the ipod.
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