David J Smith

Get your whiteness out of my face

A lot of people have been talking about whiteness. I get where they are coming from. It’s been on my mind too. You know the score. You are in a shop, and the sales assistant doesn’t have your size. The waitress says that they don’t have a reservation under your name. The man in the…

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Is Radiohead really a cheap version of Coldplay?

It really gets me upset when people tell me this. That Radiohead is a cheap version of Coldplay. I don’t understand it. In fact, it makes my blood boil. No, they are obviously not as iconic as Coldplay. I will give you that. They will never fill a stadium like Chris Martin. But not everyone…

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Oscar and Chekhov’s Gun

There is a rule in screenwriting that if you introduce a gun into a scene, at some point you must use it. The rule applies to real life too. That’s how Reeva Steenkamp lost her life. A gun appeared in her story, and she got shot dead. Regardless of the circumstances, when guns are near…

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Twitter won’t give you Aids but…

Twitter is not the healthiest of habits. It sucks hours. It sucks days. It requires dedication. It requires long stretches of inactivity. It makes you lie to yourself. It makes you tell yourself that you are learning something by continuously refreshing your feed to read the latest article or tweet from such and such opinion…

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Finding rainbows in the gutter

Why are South Africans so good at doing bad things together, but not good things? A lot of people like to say “the rainbow nation is dead, we can never get on”. But every day people are proving that fact wrong. White and black policemen working together, manning the machine guns like brothers, mowing down…

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The Africans are coming

No matter your feelings on it, South Africa has been obsessed with the Spear. Many see it as a slur on the dignity of black people in South Africa. While others have held it up as an icon of freedom. It has consumed our media space and been on everyone’s minds. The whole issue has…

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How can we see from this high horse?

There are too many high horses in South Africa. Too many haughty opinions. And not enough people admitting to their faults. We need to all climb down and roll around in the muck for a bit. Act like pigs and love it. Admit that we are shit and get on with it. I will not…

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Roll like your ancestors

We are a nation of bitches. I mean bitches in the sniveling dog sense, not in the be-nasty-to-ladies sense. We are constantly moaning and whinging. You can’t do this, you can’t do that, stop it, or I’ll throw you with stone. Yes, we whine a lot. I’m even whining now, about us whining. Oh god,…

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“Refugee”: a dirty word in South Africa

We hate refugees. We burn them out of their homes. We chase them away. We burn down their businesses. We tell them go back to where you came from. Bloody refugees. We really don’t like them. So when Helen Zille comes here and tells us that kids from the Eastern Cape are refugees, we get…

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Outdoor stoving

The Australian likes the outdoors. He likes a bit of time in the garden, down the beach, out in the bush. So it stands to reason that he should make a good braai. But to be blunt, he doesn’t. There is no art to the Aussie braai. In fact, you can hardly even call it…

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