A few months ago I read Caitlin Moran’s How to Be a Woman, a rallying cry to reclaim feminism. Very funny and heartbreakingly honest, I re-read it almost immediately. One paragraph especially stood out:
“Again and again over the last few years I turned to modern feminism to answer questions that I had but found that what had once been the one most exciting, incendiary and effective revolution of all time had somehow shrunk down into a couple of increasingly small arguments, carried out among a couple of dozen feminist academics, in books that only feminist academics would read.”
Something shifted inside me when I read those words. The impact it has had on how I view the world and my place in it has been immense.
I have always considered myself a feminist, but I was a “closet feminist” as I was not a fan of feminism’s supposed representatives. Academics in ivory towers co-opted a movement that conveniently gave them a syllabus, potential tenure and material for magazine articles. That’s not what feminism is about.
Not that I’m knocking the great thinkers – Germaine Greer et al are great writers to read, but you do not have to study them to call yourself a feminist. Feminism belongs to all women and it is time we took it back. As Moran says in her book, the fact that you have the power to have an opinion at all makes you a feminist.
Feminism transcends class, race and culture. Feminism lives in the real world, not in a library. Whether it is the shelf-packer who fears for her personal safety on public transport when she wears a skirt, or the financial executive who ignores a pinch on the bum because it is simply not worth making a fuss. Excuse the simplistic examples, but this stuff happens every day. Yet some women worry about whether dying their hair makes them less of a feminist.
The new feminism also defies gender. I know men who are greater feminists than many women, simply because they see women as equal partners in life and work, and would never assume to pigeon-hole, disrespect or subjugate them. Even Moran partly attributes her feminism to her husband. Not all men are pigs and not all women are saints – we are all people with different strengths and weaknesses.
The old feminism developed a reputation for exclusivity, hypocrisy and judgment. Just because you kept your maiden name when you got married does not mean you are fighting for the cause.
I knew a feminist academic who was vocal in her disgust at Redi Direko changing her surname to Tlhabi when she married. This same academic looked the other way when her husband had an indiscreet affair, refusing to acknowledge it when friends tried to help her – the same friends who changed their surnames when they got married but would never put up with a cheating husband.
Who is more of a feminist? The woman who keeps her name, but lives in denial and sacrifices her beliefs to keep a man? Or the woman who changes her name then gets divorced, but admits she made a mistake and starts a new life? Feminism begins with self-respect, not symbols.
I recently worked on a strategy that involved research among low-to-middle income teenage girls. The information made me despair. Feminism was seen as something for the elite and young girls felt “spoken down to” about it. They regarded feminism as a polemic that ignored their reality, which naturally led to them rejecting it. Ironically, they dreamed of success and making their own way in the world. It seems the current owners of feminism have alienated the next generation of women who could best lead it into the future.
And this is why we are our own worst enemy when it comes to rallying our cause. By mocking and decrying other women for saying they’re not feminists, we become the very reason many women are reluctant to call themselves feminists. This has been more effective in diminishing the feminist movement than any patriarchy could have hoped for.
But guess what? It’s 2012 and we make our own rules! You can have children, stay at home and be a feminist. You can lead a JSE-listed company and be a feminist. You can have your father walk you down the aisle and be a feminist. You can wear a lace push-up bra and be a feminist. You can wear red lipstick and be a feminist. You can dress like a man and be a feminist. You can dress like a woman and be a feminist. You can read trashy novels and be a feminist. You can have kinky sex and be a feminist. You can bake and be a feminist. You can love your husband and be a feminist.
Of course, we should absolutely look back and thank our forebears for their sacrifices, but it’s time to carve out a new feminism for ourselves – a feminism where the only thing we will be burning is our elitism and preconceptions.
Now excuse me while I put on a pair of heels and go show the world why I am a brilliant woman who respects myself and others.
You’ve missed Moran’s point. Judging a woman for choosing to ignore her husband’s indiscretions is as pitiful as said woman judging Tlhadi for changing her name. Agenda, much?
This is something I very much relate to. In the past, I was also reluctant to call myself a feminist- as it is a movement that was to me very exclusive. The discourse alone was a hell-no and so too were some of the ‘rules’. They went against what I think the movement is about ‘choice’ and ‘freedom’. Not defining womanhood and imposing that definition on others. It was unfortunately just some who misrepresented it. I believe that many women in these parts are feminists, it’s something lived daily and not reflected in symbolic gestures so to speak.
In South Africa for a man to call himself a feminist is taboo. Even African women shy away from using that appelation to define themselves. The South African version of femimism has been isolated from the struggles of the suffering majority deliberately kept in economic bondage.
It developed a reputation as a quasi movement of liberals seeking to destroy African way of life and families by potraying African men as over-sexed rapists ( echoes of the the spear and Zapiro cartoons) and using the excuse of culture to subjugate African women.
It ignores the inherent feminism in African culture captured in idioms and practises that might consist a chapter in a book. Mosadi ga bethwe – A women must be beaten, mosadi ke tshiya- a women is a pillar, mosadi ke morena – the wife is king, mmangwana o thwara thipa ka bohaleng – the mother is the defender of the family. Language is one of the most definitive characteristics of culture and that is ignored by the South African feminists who have bought in to the savage images of Africans. Not sirprisingly these days it is used in attempts to generate doubts in the ANCs commitment to women leadership.
Feminism is an honourable cause but it South Africa it needs to be redefined to speak the issues of the domestic worker, to the rural women tilling the soil, to those selling vegetables in street corners or married to foreigners by the Dept of Home Affairs. It needs redifinition and new champions.
Oops- a women must NOT be beaten – ga bethwe!
One of the best article I have read all year! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!
What’s the point of being a feminist if your primary goal is to satisfy the sexual desires and financial needs of men?
Yep, Ntozakhona says it so well!
Our SA version of feminism has been hijacked by a racist faction who jump onto their moral high-horse to engage in gutter politics to demonize powerful black men:
- SA feminist hypocrites castigate and demean President Zuma’s polygamy – an essential part of Zulu and numerous other African traditions yet remain silent on polygamy in Islam.
-SA feminist hypocrites bemoan this “war” against women while they remain strangely silent on Jonathan Shapiro (Zapiro) misogynistic use of gang rape cartoons as a mouthpiece for his white tribal DA party.
-SA feminist hypocrites create hysteria about SA being the “rape capital” of the world while they use Slutwalk, an exclusive young white female event, as an excuse to strut around in sexually provocative attire under the guise of “drawing the public attention to rape”! Thereby reinforcing false stereotypes- that you must be a young and attractive female to be raped!
- SA feminist hypocrites decry the barbaric practice of female genital mutilation but are silent on male genital mutilation that has been taking place for centuries in Judaism, Islam etc.
- SA feminist hypocrites create hysteria about our Traditional Courts Bill oppressing women yet are strangely silent on almost 50% participation of women in the ANC government!! Which other major democracy can claim this?!!!
The list goes on…
Dave, Dave, Dave. Your generalisations are astounding. I attended Slut Walk last year and let me tell you from first hand experience that the racial demographics in attendance were varied. It was not a gathering of young, white, attractive girls. Many black, coloured, asian, indian men and women marched in solidarity. Rape is rape- it knows no boundaries- its victims are male, female, transgendered, etc. Beyond that, your comment “(it was) an excuse to strut around in sexually provocative attire under the guise of “drawing the public attention to rape” is an indictment of exactly just how deeply you misunderstand the cause. Are you attacked on taxis for chosing what you wear? Are you commodified on the basis of your physicality, daily? Are there places in the world where you are unable to bear your face, drive, participate in policits, the military, recieve an education etc because of your gender? No! Because you are a man. Easiest difficulty rating there is. Further, in terms of your degradation of SA’s version of feminism, while I understand it doesnt always take into account the realities are life for black SA women, the model upon which it is based speaks to a universal set of rights, one which cannot be trumped by cultural reletavism. Group rights eg Culture can NEVER trump individual rights. Precisely why the TBC will never pass constitutional muster. Feminism HAS to be hardcore if its going to achieve its ends. We cant all sit around looking pretty.
Awww, c’mon Emma, I didn’t see any bare breasted Zulu girls or African women with tradition dress, or Indian women with saris or burquas? Its delusional to think Slutwalk represents SA women in general. Its just another, albeit erotic, fancy dress party that white girls love. Western culture teaches us – if you got it, flaunt it!
Call me crazy, but a women alone in a taxi rank, dressed provocatively sends mixed messages to the male brain which, which according to numerous studies, show that man think far more frequently about sex than was previously believed, compared to women.
Indigenous cultures implicitly factor this understanding of the male in a deep way into cultural norms and rituals. Therefore rape is not so common in indigenous cultures even though our entire education system and media stereotypes these cultures as primitive and oppressive to women.
“Culture can NEVER trump individual rights”
Maybe in American culture, but you’re living in Africa dear girl. African traditions have survived and thrived for THOUSANDS of years, even centuries of colonialism. So while the need to draw attention to violence against woman and children is understandable, please understand you only speak for a select few and its not a “universal set of rights” e.g. demanding the right for women to wear anything in public but silence while European countries ban the use Muslim head coverings! http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/02/22/questioning-definitions-of-freedom/
Dave, your argument is based on so many worrying premises that I fear you are too far down the rabbit hole for redemption. Caitlin Moran would likely define your sentiments as nothing short of “total fucking bullshit” (she says this alot in her book).
So in response I’ll say two things.
1. In order to determine whether or not we have a problem on our hands we must ask: “Are the boys worrying about this too? If the answer is no, we have some TFB on our hands that needs to be dealt with.
2. That is what Slut Walks about. Dealing with the problem. Its about finally standing together in solidarity saying NO means NO. It means NO, regardless of the way ” a woman alone at a taxi rank dressed provocatively sends mixed messages to the male brain”. (And therein lies the rub). We’re saying, shame, deal with it, keep your penis in your pants, we’re not dressing a certain way just because you cant control yourself! And you dont have to be white, female and young to support that sentiment.
Anyway, I’ll send you an invitation to the next one- and you’re welcome to arrive in a Sari or traditional african frock if you like- as long as you support the one fundamental premise that- No one, ever, anywhere, wearing anything, belonging to any race or culture deserves to be raped, exploited, or subjugated on the basis of their gender.
THAT is an example the universalism I speak of.
Emma, you haven’t addressed any of my points, now I wonder who is really lost down that rabbit hole. Eish!
“saying NO means NO.”
Reducing the complex sexual dynamics of human attraction to procreate with each other to this simplistic clinical binary concept! Its no wonder we have such rampant sexual abuse and violence in western society!
Please explain why:
1. Slutwalk only speaks for a select group of women and not our diversity regardless of looks, culture, age, sex…In fact, the majority of victims are left out while you create the streotype of the typical rape victim!
btw. Don’t be fooled by that sprinkling of Indian, African, Coloured and White men, because what you don’t understand is that you’ve inadvertently created a free show with no cover charge!
2. Slutwalk’s fixation on looking sexy as the primary factor in who get raped.
3. The shameful double standards of feminists on cross cultural issues.
4. Your strange silence on the spectacular rise of woman in the ANC government- yet to be replicated in other democracies.
5. Western culture has created this “war on women” mindset that is meaningless in other cultures.
I’d also like to bring to your attention the cumulative effect of your negative stereotyping of men that led to JM Cotzee’s courageous speech at Wits regarding discrimination men face when aspiring to be teachers: http://mg.co.za/multimedia/2012-12-10-jm-coetzee-on-education-in-south-africa
Eish. The question is whether feminists should wear.high heels. And whether they should read smutty novels.
http://www.feministssa.com/2012/12/18/my-feminism-will-overanalyse-all-the-patriarchys-influences-or-it-will-be-bullshit/