A friend recently told me that 90% of the women she knows have “food issues”. “Food issues.” It’s such an all-encompassing term. When someone says, “Oh, she has serious food issues,” it could mean:
- She was / is anorexic.
- She was / is bulimic.
- She won’t eat anything with sugar in it.
- She won’t eat anything with fat in it.
- She knows the pharmaceutical names for appetite suppressants.
- She measures her thighs and hips every week.
- She moans about her body.
- She says she’s not really that thin.
- She says she’s happy to be fat.
- She only orders salad.
- She only orders cheeseburgers.
- She knows how many calories are in 50g of cheddar.
- She’s tried more diets than Liz Taylor.
I know plenty of beautifully proportioned women who never truly enjoy a slice of chocolate cake. They berate themselves and plan torturous gym sessions to atone for every calorific bite. It’s like those “waiting for marriage” girls who lose their virginity on a drunken one-night stand. Oh the guilt! The shame! Did I really put that in my mouth last night?
And that’s where the problem lies — food is pleasure and puritanical nations have taught people that pleasure is sinful.
“Ja, well, it’s easy for you.” Huh?
Michael Pollan’s book In Defense Of Food brilliantly explores how this has led to obsessively weird ideas about eating (fish oil-enriched bread anyone?) His advice: “Eat food. Not too much, mostly plants.” And by food he means real food, not meal replacement shakes or frozen diet “country-style” lasagne.
Obviously I am not too big or too thin. I’m healthy. But if I had a fat-free yoghurt for every time a woman commented on how lucky I was, I could stock the dairy aisle at Woolworths.
And I am lucky, not because I have some magical Usain Bolt metabolism, but because my mother taught me “everything in moderation”. She also said “go play with the traffic”, which obviously lead to a love of the outdoors.
You are not an air-conditioner or a washing machine.
It’s also a question of listening to your body. Many women regard themselves externally, like engine units that need an instruction manual to refuel. Do not attempt to repair, move or reinstall this body on your own. Consult the latest health fad or diet book for detailed meal plans. Warning: Do not eat carbohydrates after 7pm.
They never just sit still and think, “What do I actually feel like?” For all the talk about “women’s intuition”, we seem very technically minded when it comes to the instinctive act of eating.
Sometimes I feel like having a slab of Lindt chocolate. Sometimes I feel like going for a long walk. Sometimes I feel like having roast chicken. But I never feel like eating a protein bar.
Be kind. Unwind.
After overcoming so much to get where we are today, why are we still so hard on ourselves and our bodies? It’s tragic that women can lead nations and corporations, but they still can’t have pasta Alfredo for dinner (or they eat everyone else’s pasta Alfredo for dinner).
It’s time to throw away the user manual approach to eating. Be sensible, not gluttonous. Enjoy your food, eat a little butter instead of lots of margarine. Most importantly, be kind to yourself — you deserve the pleasure.
I agree! but I do sometimes feel like a protein bar. those pronutro ones are so yummy!
I wish more women would think less about their hips and more about their impact.
I wish more women would think less about a calorie and more about excellence.
Absolutely brilliant! And so very very true! Thank you Amanda
I developed ‘food issues’ in Std 9 (being creepily thin is fantastic!) and remained obsessive about what I are or did not eat until around the age of 30. Working in the ad industry certainly impacted negatively because I medicated the stress with junk food. Now that I’ve hit middle age (according to the latest American research), I’ve found that worrying about what you eat to the point where you can’t enjoy anything is a boring waste of time. Dammit, we should be able to have our cake and eat it (a normal, reasonable slice) after all.
Well said. And thin is grossly overrated. It’s taken me almost 3 years to gain back 10 of the 20 pounds I lost when I got malaria, and I was stronger, faster and healthier at my pre-malaria weight. (And a much better soccer player.) But the number of people who have told me “oh, you look fantastic!” is alarming. It makes me weirdly grateful for the people who have blanched and said “Oh my God, have you been ill?”
The polar extreme of “food issues” is SA’s skyrocketing obesity stats. Half of South Africans over 15 are overweight. I don’t care about the asthetics of it; being overweight, like “food issues”, comes with significant health concerns.
“Everything in moderation”
I was just wondering:
Are women obsessed with being thin because this is supposed to be appealing to the opposite sex, or is it just because they like being thin?
I would think they like being thin because it is supposed to be attractive to the opposite sex.
Granted, when I was younger, I was attracted to thin girls, but as you mature you find yourself more attracted to curvier women. So those women who feel that they need to maintain the girlish figure, are actually mistaken, when they think that starving themselves to the emaciated look, will make them attractive, unless they plan on seducing a pimply teenager.
Keep in mind also, that perpetual dieting is the cause of very very bad breath, and ugly teeth, as your body starts producing acetone and cannabalising itself.
And whats the point of being skinny and supposedly beautiful and attractive with horrible breath?
I made my first trip to the gym yesterday, a scary place for out doorsy types like myslef and standing in the locker room, utterly berating her id say 12 year old daughter for being a little on the plump side, ‘have you been exersizing? have you been eating bread. A swear a wanted to slap the woman! no wonder so many woman have food issues. Food sould be enjoyed, savoured – loved. like the rest of life. It taken me a long time to realise that and guess what when i started to actually taste my food and chew and enjoy it, i ate less simply because i was satisfied! so maybe im not a size 6. but im 170cm tall im bmi is normal and gues what i get sick less offten! so ladies enjoy your food and exersize cause it make you happy not for the sake of chocolate cake. even chocolate is good and good for you in moderate doses.
We have to do everything in moderation. We should not forget that you are what you eat. I guess the problem with all women is “we should avoid carbohydrates and starches if possible” not forgetting that your metabolism system is vital to your well being.
Thanks for a great piece! I’m a bit rounder than I should be and attribute it to the fact that my mum decided that a slightly chubby 10-year old that just started puberty needed to diet. She had me on a diet every year for five years (none worked!) and monitored my food intake, then I started dance classes and magically lost all the weight. Only to put it back again when I started varsity… .
Now that I’m forty (and had a baby), I’m considerably lighter than I was at 30. The weight came off by itself after the pregnancy – I eat what I like (mostly healthy food), and in moderation, but chocolate is on the menu, too. I also grow my own veggies and bake my own bread, for which there is no substitute in supermarkets.
My little daughter is allowed to eat what she likes, and how much she likes. She loves her veggies, and she loves the bread with butter – and I hope she will grow up a healthy young woman with no food issues!
i feel you’ve been spying on me:) haa..haa. i also belong to the ” i only order salad group”. shuu….how true. i totally relate to this madness.
Brilliant. You speak the truth sister!
I LOVE salads, breads and don’t like burgers… given a choice between a good salad and a normal meal, I always go for the salad, they go down easy and don’t hurt afterwards like beef does to my tummy…
Since I’m thin I get a little embarrassed when out with friends and family whenever I order a salad, don’t want them thinking I’m on diet.
I enjoy chocolates once in a while but my favorite meal is a lamb shank…
Healthy eating is what’s Best for you…
Great article, ladies relax and enjoy life and yes do/eat what feels good. Real men love real ladies who have confidence and love themselves – inner beauty/excellence always trumps outer/superficial beauty.
Brent
Other ladies says they don’t like more food,but eat when nobody is around to see them.
Though I agree with you on the moderation issue I cannot agree on singling woman out in this aspect. I know the “woman’s” magazines push these ideas and in my viewpoint are part of the problem. It also might not be intentional on your side but it somehow conveys the idea that woman are indeed the weaker sex and prone to weaknesses men do not suffer from. I, like you, have never had “weight issues”. Perhaps a little weightier around Christmas when Gran loaded the plate, a little slimmer at times of more physical activity. I do not own a scale. I love Sacher Torte but have it once a month as a treat. (It makes paying the bills so much sweeter). I am so tired of hearing: “but you have a faster metabolism”. I don’t. But then I look at my weightier friend’s lifestyles and wonder: how did they come to the conclusion that a 500g tub of ice cream is a great snack whilst watching TV? That guzzling carbonated cooldrink with the equivalent of nine teaspoons of sugar per glass is good for them? That eating a packet of crisps loaded with MSG every time they feel peckish is part of an excellent diet? Food can be a drug, an emotion controller, like anything else, or it can be just a necessary resource for your body, any body, male or female. Abuse of anything, food included, is a sign of a person ready for therapy.
If women put half as much effort into improving their minds and their social status as they do worrying about their bodies… We’d probably be looking at gender equality a lot sooner.
brigs: That is seriously warped. On the flip side, it’s equally warped to make your child eat when they’re not hungry or feed them tons of junk food.
BoyUninterrupted: Eating too much or pretending to be ‘happily fat’ (and I mean seriously overweight, not 5kgs) is just as unhealthy as denying yourself.
Connie Krug: Everyone gets rounder as they get older. Bodies change. I never used to have hips, but have sprouted some over the past two years.
Thanks Brent! Why do women so readily buy into American TV’s Barbie-clone look?? My golly, how beautiful, bland & utterly boring ! (Good reason to watch BBC, they actually make movies with real people! )Real women like looking like themselves and ARE themselves with confidence. As far as eating goes, food and sport work well together. You can eat what you like and look healthy ….and real.
Looking at the weight of some of our civil servanrs, and SAPS on duty, I would suggest that they have been very kind to themseleves and enjoyed every last bite!
“Half of South Africans over 15 are overweight”…and many have joined the South African Police service?
How about this from my mother: “Too much of anything is not good”. She says she learnt it in the genuine schools started at least a century ago. Talk about oral tradition that works. Ladies – “Too much of anything is not good”