So Belle de Jour, the London call girl who blogged anonymously about her salacious exploits, has come out of the lingerie closet — she’s a scientist who needed to pay the bills while writing her thesis.
After being painted with a scarlet tar brush by feminists and morality monitors alike, it turns out that the self-proclaimed “tart” is actually Brooke Magnanti, a medical researcher. It gets better – she researches cancer, in children.
Shew, what a dangerous woman. She’s damn smart and genuinely likes sex. Of course, that’s why she gets criticised. We hear the term “smart and sexy” all the time, but I can count on one hand the number of truly smart and sexy women I know.
Obviously sexiness is completely different to beauty or attractiveness. Think of the alluring ice queen whose seduction technique involves denying a man sex for as long as possible. That’s not sexy, that’s game-playing. It’s effective though. After all, we all want what we can’t have (at least for a while).
Unfortunately men often end up marrying women like this. As if “holding out” is some sign of goodness. “She tried to be good even though she really wanted me. Wow, that’s special.” I call it the Madonna syndrome. Guys: remove your ego from your dick and wake up – she was always going to sleep with you if she really wanted to. It’s just a ploy to get you to commit.
And then there’s the other kind of woman. As Belle de Jour states in her inaugural blog post, “The first thing you should know is that I am a whore”.
The whore doesn’t use sex as a weapon, although she may use it as a tool (like Belle de Jour did to pay the rent). She’s just a woman who enjoys sex and is too independent to waste time trying to “catch” a man by following The Rules handbook. Unlike the Madonna type, she respects and likes men. She understands them.
The Madonna may treat a man reverentially once she has him, but the whore is honest from the start.
That said, both kinds of woman have their faults. And most women are not one or the other but a combination of the two. Still, it’s the “sexy” ones who seem to get more grief – especially if they’re clever enough to write a few best-selling books about it.
I’m not sure that it follows from a woman being a prostitute that she “genuinely likes sex”.
madonna is 52 with an 8-pack. take a good look in the mirror, and think about the title again.
Brilliant!
Spot on! This is the “new woman” doing as men have done for years – gigolos hey girls!
If a woman chooses this way to fund her research because she is passionate about it in a patriarchal society, I applaude her.
What is the difference between a male and a female whore? He does it for self satisfaction and aggrandissement; she does it for a cause – whether it be her survival or something else. She is always condemned; he is never condemned – strange isn’t it?
The whore is the one who loves sex, has it if and when she likes (or need) it and does not easily confuses sex with love. And…as you say..is upfront about her intentions.
I like whores
)
Excellent! And how true. Women are supposed to be the objects of men’s sexual fantasies, whilst still being virtuous; be sexy without being sexual. God help the woman who has her own sexuality …! Several famous women, like Brigitte Bardot, were fond of sex without being “loose”. The Madonna-Whore opinion that so many men, and cultures, have, is ridiculous and just plain false. Women are human beings, like men: Some like sex more than others; some are monogamously-inclined and some are not. It has nothing to do with being “good” or “bad” – it’s about being a human being. There’s nothing worse than being put on a pedestal: It’s a long way down and once you’ve fallen off there’s no getting back up there. Rather allow everyone, regardless of gender or colour, to just be a human being – an individual. No judgements or labels. Alas, we’ve a way to go before that happens ….
OneFlew: You’re absolutely right. I was referring specifically to “Belle de Jour”. She professed to enjoy her job because she enjoyed sex.
Maybe I’m one of the few prudes left in the world, but sex is supposed to special, right? You’re supposed to share it with someone you trust and love?
Fair enough, it’s not meant to be used as a weapon to ‘catch’ a man. But if the prospect of sex is the main tool used to keep a man, then dare I say, you are trying to catch the wrong type of man! Surely this article represents some form of moral degradation? In that sex should be used neither as a weapon NOR a tool – one is not better than the other is it?
Some women still do maintain “the no sex ’til marriage” rule for (religious) purposes. I don’t think the generalisation of women who wait, as women who just use sex as a ploy is (at all) fair.
Belle de Jour was a brilliant read and her lifestyle was the envy of many, both man and woman…its almost sad that her mystery has been revealed. As for madge, leave us kids alone…by Jesus.
@Judith: and if she does it cause she likes it?
Amanda, why not link to the Telegraph and Guardian news pieces?
hehehe do whores ever get married?
Hmm. Amanda, enjoyable work is often its own reward.
However I can’t help thinking that this lady, who has taken such pains to place her adventures in the public domain, has a weather eye on readership and/or sales.
It is surely a stereotypical tabloid tale. “Brooke, 34, loves getting hot and steamy with old, fat men she has just met.”
I worry that a well-educated women who clearly has a decent day job and is clearly empowered can be used as a model to argue for pro-prostitution or to make the claim that prostitutes are empowered women.
In South Africa and many parts of the world women are tricked or out right kidnapped into sexual slavery and others forced to do so due to hungry children and lack of options.
The free use of ‘whore’ to describe a women who is secure in her sexuality or desires seems wrong. Rather crude categorization of women into two poles.
I also doubt she qualifies as ‘sexy’ in light of her description of hot sweaty sex with fat men. Hardly appealing or close to sexy. I also do not believe that she worked as a call girl due to her love of sex as she could probably have pulled at the local pub and had an element of choice as opposed to being used by whoever paid – Rather different dynamics of choice involved.
Interesting, but we should look at the matter differently. Who is not a whore and who is not a jigolo? I consider her confessions as just like info sharing. University boys go for sugar mummies so as to get financial favours and as much as young ladies go for sugar daddies for the same reason. Even those gifts ladies get from their men; is more or less like prostituting themselves so as to have access to them as much Belle De Jour opened her legs for money. The final question is; who is not opening his or her zip for something? Sex would be the password for one to have an added advantage in terms of getting what they want after opening their zip. Then who is not a female or male whore / prostitute? My friend used to say that his wife is a whore of fixed aboard (their home) servicing one client (him) and vice-versa.
Hey, if you like it do it – but lately in films and books have made some forms of protistution to have some sort of mystique and sexyness to it.. When in reality its about women who need cash selling themselves to (often quite disgusting) men who arent able to get it without paying for it. Its really not actually that sexy…
It is significant that society is finally emerging from the long-held delusion that prostitutes are bad, and that all men are bastards who have affairs. It is becoming obvious that an incredibly wide range of women and men participate in the sex for money industry, and that those ‘bad’ men who have affairs are having them mainly with, wait for it, women!
All the moralizing and social sanctions are hypocitical and sanctimonious, and it is up to each of to find meaning in our sexual relationships. I would hope that, with maturity, we learn the value and inportance of integrity and honesty in relationships.
One thing is for sure, the romantic fairytale view of love and romance, ‘Prince saves Princess and they live happily ever after!’,has become very tired and worn-out!
@ Michael Francis and One flew – Agreed. very misleading, just after sales…
Bahaha, I really liked this article. Although i have no idea if I agree with it. Great spunk from the author though. And the context of the story is embarrassing to any moral stereotypist (sic! a neologism on my part), which make it so much better.
J.