Yesterday I was walking in Cape Town’s city centre with a good friend of mine. As we crossed the road, a few construction workers in a truck began to verbally harass her, calling her a string of disgusting things.
So I yelled to them, “Fuck off!” They seemed rather indignant but obliged. Indignant, because they – like so many other South African men – believe that because my friend is a woman, she’s fair game to abuse, to proposition, to treat like a sexual plaything. They believe she is an inferior being – and because of that they have the right to say (and potentially do) to her what they like.
This isn’t the first time my friend has experienced this sort of thing. As a public transport-user it happens all the time. And not just to her: to many women. And tragically, many women face far more humiliating and painful situations at the hands of men (of men they know, sometimes whom they are even married to). Violence against women is endemic.
Why?
Because we live in a society which still considers women to be inferior and subordinate to men. We live in a melting pot of cultures which all reinforce the notion of women as objects – objects that can be used and exploited and subjugated because of the fallacy that they are lesser beings. It’s no wonder that there are 54 000 reported rapes in South Africa each year. It’s outrageous, unacceptable and tragic – but not surprising.
While the rights of women are enshrined in our constitution, there has been a failure for those rights to be protected. Often the very systems in place that are meant to protect women from abuse are those perpetuating abuse themselves. Police harassment of prostitutes is well documented.
In cases of abuse, the onus is almost always put on the woman. It’s the woman’s fault she was leered at. Slapped around. Beaten up. Raped. And so, should a rape victim sum up sufficient courage to report the incident at a police station, inadequate training and a lack of sensitivity often leads to responses like “But you were wearing a miniskirt. What did you expect?”
There has been a near-total failure for the values of gender equality to be taught and imposed in the home, at school and, in some cases, even the workplace. These values are ignored and violated in virtually every facet of South African life.
This needs to end. The constitutional values that protect women and guarantee their equality with men cannot continue to exist only on paper. They need to become living, celebrated, cherished by all South Africans – both men and women. We need to fight the pervasive inequality that continues to exist between genders, perpetuated by media stereotyping, misguided schooling, negative peer influences, bad parenting and dysfunctional home life. Because not only is gender inequality wrong – that’s a given – but also by fighting for equality we will be destroying the horrifying delusions that justify the abuse of women. We will be striking at the very root of which abuse against women is the symptom.
Currently the annual 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence is being commemorated worldwide. We need to go a step further. We need 365 days against gender-based violence every year. And it needs to start now.
I would like equal rights for men and women. And working in an academic environment the disparities in gender equality may not be as pronounced as out in the ‘real world’. However, the word ‘feminism’ puts me on the defensive. IMO many women who are labeled ‘feminists’ want the complete opposite of the status quo i.e. a society that gives women greater advantages than men. I have been urged to read several books by so called ‘feminist’ writers, and while they do bring attention to where women get a ‘raw deal’, they ignore aspects of society that give men the ‘raw deal’. For instance, in Naomi Wolf’s book, “Misconceptions”, she fails to mention how fathers get a raw deal in terms of paternity leave, and fathers will rarely get an equal amount of custody time of a child in the case of a separation. And I am sure there are plenty more examples. IMO at the end of the day people are equal no matter what their gender or race, and if women are being abused in society then there are underlying causes that need to be addressed, where the concerns of men and women need to be looked at.
“…the very root…” It’s called misogyny and it’s a lot older than Methuselah. To eradicate it, we first have to understand it and very few men do. So here is my contribution to the re-education of the everday (unwitting) misogynist.
A reading list:
The Dangerous Sex, by H.R. Hayes (A man’s ‘take’ on the subject of hatred of women; witty, clever and honest).
The Descent of Woman, by Elaine Morgan (entertaining as well as enlightening)
The Natural Superiority of Women by Dr. Ashley Montagu (Comparison of survival traits of males and females by biologist and anthropologist. Intriguing results of research; politely ignored by his ‘peers’ when the book first appeared in 1952. His findings have been confirmed by more recent genetic research. Clearly written and he clearly enjoyed writing it.)
Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, by Gloria Steinem (See esp. ‘I Was A Playboy Bunny’ and ‘If Men Could Menstruate’–hilarious!)
Moving Beyond Words, by Gloria Steinem (Esp. “What If Freud Were Phyllis?” (priceless send up of Freud’s theories on female–everything!.)
Misogynies, by Joan Smith (In particular, the chapter entitled “Gentlemen Prefer Dead Blondes”)
For deeper understanding of the cultural roots of the probem:
The Hebrew Goddess, by Raphael Patai (Fascinating revelations of very early culture in the Mid-East.)
When God Was A Woman, by Merlin Stone (Introduction to origins of earliest Middle Eastern religions)
This list could be extended into the hundreds of pertinent texts but these few titles offer a good introduction, especially to men who want to know the answer to Henry Higgins’ perennial question: ‘Why can’t a woman be more like a man?’. The answers may surprise you.
Thanks for standing up for your friend.
Wow Andrew. Thanks for totally missing the point.
I am sure that a small amount of fathers getting the raw deal (note: no scare quotes for me, cause I acknowledge that patriarchy hurts men too) on some custody battles is *exactly the same* as what Alex is talking about above. Alex said: women are beaten, harrassed, raped, abused by men. You said: some men don’t get to spend enough time with their children, and I think feminists should remember this.
I guess that really sums up the status quo.
Alex- thanks so much for a great article.
Alex, your story really gauged the depths of my heart and as a feminist hearing this from a man gives me some hope in this world plagued by inequality and injustice. You are an example to your generation and we need loads of men like you.
AMANDLA BROTHER
Abuse of women has a very definite socio-economic link, and IMO most feminist writers are privileged educated women participating in gender wars with very little personal experience of abuse.
I would yell ‘fuck off to feminism and amandla equal rights’
Bravo, Alex! I’m impressed to see a South African man standing up to chauvinism. Having lived in Europe for 3 years and then the States for the last 8 years I can honestly say that South Africa is the worst I’ve experienced, as far as sexism toward women goes. Obviously there are always exceptions, but the overwhelming majority of men here in the US treat women very well. It’s a pleasant experience, as a woman. South Africa has a lo-ong way to go …!
Jennifer, there’s a bit more to modern sexual politics. This stuff is not as simple as “men get lousy paternity leave”. At least outside of the, ahem, less sophisticated parts of South Africa.
Certainly Africa is more than a bit behind in this whole post-feminism regard when you leave the nice middle-class suburbs, but then bringing that up is another political minefield. I just think that Africa can and should learn from how the sexual politics in the West has failed both men and women. It won’t obviously, but one can still dream.
Please bear in mind that I’m playing devil’s advocate here. Explanations are not excuses and I’m not taking sides. But if people feel there is an issue, then there is.
Big, necessary changes in sexual politics have been effected for women, but almost nothing has changed for men, which is why many are, in fact, still such unrepentant troglodytes.
Perpetrators of domestic violence are officially split 70/30 with complications from what many sociologists believe is massive underreporting from men too embarrassed scared to seek help.
Men are frequently raped – by other men. The law didn’t even recognise it until recently. Being sodomised was considered merely another form of assault.
Boys have fallen substantially behind girls in the academic space. Male-female enrolment ratios at universities are if anything skewed towards females.
Many, many men feel that their workplace is socially hostile, but there is no safe means for them to speak out, due to issues of male sexual identity and an institutional bias towards the side of women in social conflicts.
You’re probably laughing and rolling your eyes, reading some of those things, but the men who perceive themselves to be victims of the aforementioned issues are not. Cue a rise in alcoholism, rape, and violence. Treat men like monsters and that’s how they behave.
And no, I wouldn’t dream of painting a rapist as a victim, but addressing causes is better than simply regarding rape as inherent to masculinity and trying to fix things after the fact.
I think the following article brings up some of the issues better than I could: http://www.reason.com/news/show/29521.html
Andrew: I agree, men should get better paternity leave… that said, we live in a context in which men do not take full and equal responsibility for their children. So, while I agree men should get paternity leave, I’m not sure this will address the inequality – for that, we need to recognise the problem and make changes in the way men and women think about child care… which is what feminists attempt to do. Yes, men and women’s concerns “need to be looked at” but we cant ignore the fact that in this equation, women are in the minus.
What we need is more polygamy but where woman can walk out anytime with a share of the loot. Then powerful men will have many woman whom they would strive to keep keep. Supply and demand will then raise the status of the remaining woman who will be cherished.
Another option is to send only woman to war. That will decrease supply and give them the weapons…
Equal rights is a silly notion as I will never in my life need maternity leave.
This does not deter from the fact that women need to be treated neutrally. Give respect to those who deserve respect, and treat all others with the same neutrality.
Alex, while I applaud your efforts at addressing a very serious issue, I must point out the irony of your actions – you say women are seen as subordinate and inferior, yet you (probably subconsciously) assumed your friend could not stand up for herself, which in itself is an act of making her inferior. Why did you have to step up and be the defender and protector, thereby making her a poor victim who cannot stand up for herself? It is incredibly patronising and the opposite side of the same coin. Why could your friend not yell ‘fuck off’ to them herself? Why is she not writing this article? Why are you fighting her battles? That’s not feminism.
I cannot believe it is because you think women can’t do it themselves, because you seem like a decent guy who only wants to do the right thing, but I do think some introspection is needed re: your own attitudes towards women. We are not helpless saps in need of male “protection”. Only when we stand up for ourselves can the road to equality be built. Equal rights do not mean that all the men should stop treating women wrongly, as that leaves the power squarely in the men’s hands.
My comment above was rather oblique and I would like to add something to it.
1. Andrew’s gesture was done in the spirit of friendship and so I assume he would do the same for a gay male friend who was being harassed on the street.
2. When I was a young woman I was subjected to this sort of routine sexist abuse. On the street. In the Boardroom. In the hallways of the university in which I taught (male students passing just audible comments, etc.). In faculty meetings where a woman’s contributions to a discussion were ignored and then repeated by a male ‘colleague’ five minutes later–at which time the wisdom of the comment would get recognition. At the local telkom where my payment of phone bills for five years did not qualify me for a ‘waiver of fees’ for a new phone but men who had never had a phone before did not have to pay a fee at all! (I won that battle in the end!) At the bank where it was assumed that I would share an account with my husband and my insistence on having my own account marked me out as a ‘difficult woman’. And a lifetime of such treatment that would take volumes to itemise.
Back then, the insults on the street were an annoyance not an issue. But even so I did not retaliate with a ‘f— you’ or an ‘up yours, mate’ for fear of being thought rude. These troglodytes could insult women with impunity but I would be considered ‘rude’ if I retaliated…hmmm.
Women were supposed to be ‘above all that’. So I kept walking and never confronted the bastards,
I guess if a man had offered a ‘f—- you’ on my behalf I would have been grateful. But I would also have been embarassed and a little afraid that he might provoke the jackasses into responding with physical aggression. So, I guess that ignoring them would still be my response. But it is refreshing that Andrew felt strongly enough about the insult to his friend to shout back at the offenders. Good for you, Andrew.
Sorry, Andrew, I meant ALEX in my comment above!
Interesting book to read to throw a spanner in the works: ‘The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men’
also : ‘Who Stole Feminism?: How Women Have Betrayed Women’
i did enjoy reading your article Alex, and i’m glad you stuck up for your friend.Christene, i feel you were abit too harsh with your comment, if a man sticks up for a lady against another man, if a women sticks up for another women, the point is, atleast people were told! you, as a woman should atleast be greatful for that.i was born and lived in the u.k all my life, i believe i am a feminist, and when a man sticks up for a woman against another man, nothing makes me happier, as i believe there are very few men like that out there. coming to south africa, i am in shock, where are the feminists? i totally agree with you Alex, that women are still treated as inferior, and objects of sex in this country. i have spent 8yrs in this country also, but it was never this bad as far as i can remember.i lost count of how many massive billboards were advertising strip joints, women holding their breasts, then i came across a certain ‘juice company’ that had a woman carrying two melons as her breasts! i’m worried by the time i have kids, my child is going to point at a woman and say ‘look mum, sex’!i’m concerned for the uneducated and the children, i can see how in this country, woman are primarily seen as sex objects, or baby-making machines.as a feminist, i want equality, i do not want to suppress men as a means to get back at them (Andrew).i am very keen to find out what is out there, as i’m not one of those people who just sits back and says ‘well, there’s nothing you can do about it, you can’t change the world’ i absolutely dispise that type of mentality, and i’m glad i stand up and say, atleast i will try to!